Posts by love2Bworldly

35

JW Middle Schoolers vs Non JW Middle Schoolers - what was your middle/high school experience?

by Julia Orwell in

jw
friends

i'm a secondary school teacher and i've spent a lot of time at school this year since i've left jws simply observing student dynamics.

i do a lot of playground duty and have the opportunity to observe the kids at play and in the classroom.

i've especially had the opportunity to observe middle school kids, that is, kids between 12 and 15 in my state.. my observations of these 'worldly' children are:.

love2Bworldly

I remember my 6th grade year was great-- I was starting to socialize like a normal kid. Then I became a JW with my sister & couldn't hang out with the other kids & anything I liked like the Beatles was considered bad. Every time I liked something, I would find out it was bad in some way. In middle school I went to the back of the classroom every morning so I could sit down during the national anthem-- kids used to try to trip me. I knew going to college & having a career I liked was out of the question, so I took as few classes as possible since the Big A was coming.

I already had childhood depression issues & socializing issues from my messed up family, becoming a JW made me even more depressed and I felt so alone, so isolated & so different from the other school kids. It was bad enough that my parents were deaf & mentally ill, now I was a JW and stood out even more.

Now I SO enjoy socializing & feeling normal, and not feeling guilty for liking things or having fun.

27

A Positive Comment About The Witnesses

by minimus in

jw
friends

my mom is 87, in a few weeks.

she's been ill for many years.

she's been in the hospital in the last week and is now in rehab.

love2Bworldly

Minimus-- I think that is really great, but I also think your mom is very much an exception and minority to what usually goes on in the JW faith.

On a humorous note, my Pentecostal sister is SO upset because my JW sister has local people taking my 88 year old step mom (who is deaf & has severe dementia) to the KH on Sundays. I told my sister that I thought it was GREAT that my step mom was being socialized on a regular basis. Since she is barely even coherent, it's not likely she's going to be converted any time soon. LOL

20

Out of the mental cell stuck in the physical prison......no-win situation

by Kensho in

jdubs are fond of quoting peter "where are we to go lord"... well the answer for me has been this forum for last couple of years which is really sad because i should be able to talk to my lifelong friends instead of faceless avatars.

( don't get me wrong this place has helped me through some really rough times mentally kudos to terry, cedars,slimboyfat, blondie,jwfacts and many others.).

the shun gun has prevented me from making the move completely out of this cult i have given my life to.

love2Bworldly

I feel your pain. If you think your life would really suck without your friends & family, then maybe your slow fade is a good idea. I hope your wife and you have a happy marriage, otherwise that is not worth it. I wish you the best. Only you know what would be best for you personally.

Is it possible to take up a hobby or something where you can make some friends outside the JWs without them knowing you are doing it? Just a thought. If you are planning a fade, you should start making some outside friends now, so you will have some support.

3

Swimming In the Pool or Going to the Meeting - A Real Tough Decision

by Comatose in

jw
friends

joke.

man, its nice to be free.

what did you do today instead?.

love2Bworldly

spent time on this forum LOL

18

Life after DF/divorce

by Freeof1914 in

i am just wondering how many here have gone through the experience of being disfellowshipped and divorced?

i am currently in that situation and sometimes i am afraid of what to expect.

thankfully i have a good core of friends, but nonetheless i still find myself somewhat nervous of what to expect in my new life.

love2Bworldly

Sorry about your divorce. You are lucky you don't have children to fight over. You are still young with your whole life ahead of you. It takes a while to really feel clean from the brainwashing, so be patient with yourself. Don't be in a rush to have a committed relationship, take your time & date a lot of people to figure out what you want in another person. (I didn't say sleep with a lot of people, just date a lot of people LOL)

Become comfortable in your own skin, enjoy spending time by yourself & getting to know who you are. You will meet the right partner when you are not focused on looking for someone.

As far as missing your family, you may want to seek out counseling and do a lot of reading. The book Toxic Parents helped me out a lot. I only have one JW sibling, but my other family members are very toxic to me and mentally ill so I have had to cut them off also. This site will help you out a lot. People are very supportive and helped me out SO much when I was going through my divorce and my sister shunning me.

Best of luck to you

75

JW family made contact....

by LouBelle in

jw
friends

.....after 8 years of us being disfellowshipped.

the made contact through my aunt who is still 'in' - as in she has faded but is not disfellowshipped and will pop to a meeting now and again - she does this for my grans' sake.. the contact was from my aunt and uncle (he's an elder) these were the 2 witnesses used against me in my judicial case.

they contacted my aunt and said to forward the message onto us.

love2Bworldly

I am glad you decided not to meet with them. It would have been like a sheep before the slaughter, they would have had the upper hand. You are strong, and very smart. I wish you the best with that situation.

I have cut off my relationship with my non JW brother, because he is emotionally disturbed & very mean, & oddly enough in a close relationship with my JW sister. I can't even bring myself to visit my step mother, because my evil brother lives with her. But the whole situation makes me very uncomfortable because I feel bad I can't bring myself to visit my step mom, even though she is so senile & has dementia & she may not remember me. I just miss her, but it's not worth the emotional pain & drama of seeing my brother.

You can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends

74

Got a angry letter from our oldest son today we are very hurt from it.

by TotallyADD in

jw
friends

when i got home today from work my wife showed me a 5 page letter from our oldest son.

he basically said he does not what anything to do with us because of all the wrong things we did as parents to him and his brother.

he blames us for not being there for him and we are toxic parents.

love2Bworldly

TotallyADD-- I feel your pain. Not sure how old your kids are, but my middle son is now 23 and I am realizing why we have not been close for many years until recently. He is working through his issues of everything I did wrong as a mother and he used to blame me for everything (I was a single mom).

As young people change & grow up, they go through a lot of different stages. When they are really little, they think their parents walk on water, when they are teenagers they think their parents are bad etc, when they become young adults-- they blame their parents for everything until they realize their parents did the best they could. But some people never really get that epithamy that their parents did the best they could. My childhood was extremely dysfunctional and I did blame my parents for many many years, until one day I realized they did the best they knew how because they were emotionally sick. Now I really am amazed by my parents' accomplishments, (but not their parenting skills obviously).

Your letter was perfect. It was short and loving and non blaming. I hope your son will have an epithamy one day and see that you did your best.

74

Got a angry letter from our oldest son today we are very hurt from it.

by TotallyADD in

jw
friends

when i got home today from work my wife showed me a 5 page letter from our oldest son.

he basically said he does not what anything to do with us because of all the wrong things we did as parents to him and his brother.

he blames us for not being there for him and we are toxic parents.

love2Bworldly

TotallyADD-- I feel your pain. Not sure how old your kids are, but my middle son is now 23 and I am realizing why we have not been close for many years until recently. He is working through his issues of everything I did wrong as a mother and he used to blame me for everything (I was a single mom).

As young people change & grow up, they go through a lot of different stages. When they are really little, they think their parents walk on water, when they are teenagers they think their parents are bad etc, when they become young adults-- they blame their parents for everything until they realize their parents did the best they could. But some people never really get that epithamy that their parents did the best they could. My childhood was extremely dysfunctional and I did blame my parents for many many years, until one day I realized they did the best they knew how because they were emotionally sick. Now I really am amazed by my parents' accomplishments, (but not their parenting skills obviously).

Your letter was perfect. It was short and loving and non blaming. I hope your son will have an epithamy one day and see that you did your best.

7

Birthdays and hunting

by exwhyzee in

jw
friends

supposedly the reason jw's claim that celebrating birthdays is displeasing to god is because the bible mentions a pagan birthday celebation where john the baptist was beheaded.

if that's reason enough to ban birthday celebrations forever, then i'm suprised they didn't ban hunting since pagan nimrod was named in the bible as a hunter in opposition to jehovah who hunted for sport.

most hunters i know enjoy the meat they bring home of course, but mostly they hunt because they simply love to do it.

love2Bworldly

Actually, I knew a lot of JWs who thought it was wrong to hunt. But we are talking about city people.

20

Parents of Teens--I need encouragement

by love2Bworldly in

jw
friends

i am really feeling down today, can't stop crying.

i just need some words of encouragement from other parents that i will survive my kids' teen years.

my 13 year old is trying to discover/find herself, has emotional issues--since birth, cuts/burns herself secretly--she is on prozac, in regular counseling, spent time last year in a physchiatric hospital, and just generally always has stomach aches or conflicts with other peers and is flunking math as usual as well as getting bad grades in citizenship lately.. my 17 year old son is on probation for being in a fight last fall, and does illegal stuff for cash.

love2Bworldly

Thanks for all your responses. Simon-- you brought tears to my eyes because I really hope it encourages other parents out there. Sometimes there isn't a lot we can do when the kids grow up & make bad choices. When I posted this thread, I felt like I was in a parental nightmare that wouldn't end.

My youngest daughter just celebrated 2 years of sobriety from alcohol, pot etc, so I have been really praising her.