You already know that your family with be difficult if you leave. It's really something that at some point you'll have to go through and my view is sooner is better than later. Get it over with. If you don't believe the JW's have "the truth" then move on. You're going to have to deal with your family about it at some point and putting off something stressful only means more time to be stressed.
Sounds like you've met someone you want to get closer to and this is getting in the way. I avoided a relationship that I wanted when I was a JW and ended up with another JW. Bad idea! I wish I could go back in time but I can't.
It IS fair that you live your life the way YOU choose! If others choose to shun you for it, that's their decision. I'm not saying it's easy to do something that your family will give you grief over, but the alternative, letting other people run your life, is worse!
Many of us here have left the org, which upset our families. After doing so, some here have finally been able to live their lives and date who they want without worrying about what a religious cult or family tells them to do.
My suggestion is to get out sooner rather than later, deal with your family as best you can, and LIVE YOUR LIFE the way YOU want to.
Posts by thom
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7Do i deserve to choose?
by ConFuseDnStresSed05 ini'm 18, my whole life i've been fed a lie that my whole family believes is true, they've done nothing but try to help me in what ever ways their religion will allow them, and now wfter being sheltered, confused, but taken care of physically and what my mother thinks is spiritually i'm ready to leave it all ebhind, friends, family and more because now i'm of age and can see the numerous flaws and problems in the orginization.
do i deserve to choose what to do.
i'm between a rock and a hardplace.
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thom
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WHAT DO I DO?
by betty boop inmy cousin and aunt (she who is in no way active) have ganged up on me saying how reputable and correct the bible is.
my aunt in specific has stated some good points about the bible, asking how is it that i dont believe in the bible if there are a lot of things in it ahead of its times.
scientifically speaking, she said, the bible clearly states the earth is round and that rivers give way to the seas.
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thom
---"The bible is inspired because the bible says so"---
Yes, I always cringed when I'd hear that or be on a study and the guy conducting would read "All scripture is inspired of god and beneficial...". It was proof! -
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A question for former jw: Should renewed zealotry be feared?
by Check_Your_Premises ini was able to ring some pretty loud bells in the mind of a witness by asking difficult, thought provoking questions.
the person obviously was troubled and was having a hard time rationalizing the items discussed.. now i see a renewed effort and zealotry.
it is obviously the "pendulum" swing i hear so much about.
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thom
I tend to agree with AA. It might be better to pull back a little as maybe you've hit a few sore spots and he's jumping back in (to the fire) to try to convince himself he has "the truth". JW's tend to use works (being zealous JW's) to show their faith and convince themselves of it. But you don't know that maybe you've planted some good seeds.
I was thinking the other day that I never realized until now that an action taken by a brother when I was 10 (in 1975) has had an influence on my thinking ever since. He left in 1975 and was considered by the cong as an apostate. I knew then that it meant he was df'd and I shouldn't talk to him, but since that time what people told me he was thinking had an impression on me. It was a "seed" that sprouted many years later. -
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Why is the "end of times" prospect attractive...
by Narkissos inor, perhaps, why was it attractive to you at some stage of your life?.
intense suffering might be the right answer in exceptional cases, but hardly for vast numbers (such as most early christians or modern-day cult members).. what then?
fear of life?
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thom
The "New System" was attractive to me because I felt I could do so many things and learn so much and never run out of time.
I had to block from my mind the murder of billions of people and tell myself that if God finds that necessary, it must be right.
But I never did see the New System as boring. Even now, if it were true, I don't think I could get bored living forever.
Oops, re-read your question... I never really saw the "end of times" as attractive, just life after that time. -
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Personal vendetta against you
by pratt1 in.
were there any elders, co's or any one else in a postion of importance that had a personal issue with you that clouded their judgement?.
how did you handle it?
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thom
Yep. I had an issue with an elder's son in another cong. His father then moved into my cong as apparently he couldn't attack me from another congregation (I don't really understand that very much).
He spread gossip about me being a thief and a fraud. I met with some elders (my idea) and tried again to work it out with his son. The elders said that I had done nothing wrong but letting it go on was bad for the congregation so I should just give in. Well, giving in meant paying him alot of money (which I didn't even have AND I didn't owe to him), so that wasn't going to happen. They said I was not being fraudulent or a thief and they could take no action against me.
Anyway, I won't go into all the details, but after that the C.O., who I'd never talked to before, took me aside and counseled me to stop spreading gossip in his (the elder's son's) congregation, which I NEVER DID! I didn't even know anyone in that congregation.
After that I have heard probably 4 or 5 times now people from other parts of town come to me to tell me that brother ******* (the elder) has said to them in just about the same words each time, "The trouble's not over for **** **** (me)".
I moved across the country and gave my new congregation contact information to only one person, the P.O. Not any other person in that entire state (or even that side of the country). Well, the next morning the P.O. of the congregation I was moving to gets a call from the elder's son! So the P.O. must have provided that information to a non-servant in another congregation. From my understanding, he has no right to do that, but he did it anyway.
To the new P.O.'s (P.O. where I moved) credit, he told him there's nothing he can do and to pursue it this way is slander on the elder's son's part. -
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How do you defend your god's inaction?
by AlmostAtheist inthis is a question for those that believe in a god or gods, particularly those described as "all knowing" or "almighty".. how do you defend to yourself that your god has not in any modern situation saved his people from anything?.
people of all faiths are regularly killed by various natural elements.
of course, if you knew such a thing was going to befall a person and you could do something to protect them, you would.
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thom
As a jw I had lame explanations of why (based on jw literature) that I could put into smooth words to convince people, but I never was really able to convince myself.
My father, who is a strong JW, has confided in me that he really doesn't understand either, but he keeps going on as a JW. -
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JW in name only
by thom ini know this has been discussed, but i've been thinking alot about it lately.
as jw's (those of us who were), we knew others who were "weak" and those who lived double lives.
i understand young people who do (i did it), and even those who stay somewhat active to maintain family relationships.
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thom
Oldsoul, I hand't thought of what you say in relation to living a double life, but it makes alot of sense. Seems that a JW who does follow the WTBTS is in a way really doing the same thing, professing a relationship with God while in reality worshipping a man made organization. Sort of a double life.
Also I hadn't thought about df'd dubs who are the same way. Though some are looking to be reinstated, I've known those who don't plan to be, but keep believing as a JW. Confusing to me since if I thought JW's were correct, and I wanted to live in their "new system", I'd certainly be trying to get back on track with them. Thanks Chris.
Maverick, I like your idea, I may make that comment :)
I also think it's a big pride issue with my friend. He can't stand to be wrong. -
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JW in name only
by thom ini know this has been discussed, but i've been thinking alot about it lately.
as jw's (those of us who were), we knew others who were "weak" and those who lived double lives.
i understand young people who do (i did it), and even those who stay somewhat active to maintain family relationships.
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thom
I know this has been discussed, but I've been thinking alot about it lately. As JW's (those of us who were), we knew others who were "weak" and those who lived double lives.
I understand young people who do (I did it), and even those who stay somewhat active to maintain family relationships. But there are those who call themselves JW's who never go in service, barely make meetings and live a basically "worldly" life. Again, that's their business, but what really bothers me is the ones in that condition that criticize me for leaving.
I have a friend I've known since I was a teen. He and I lived our double lives, got into trouble now and then, basically were somewhat average JW teens. Now we're both 40. I've left and he has not. He tells me he is so sad for me, so worried I won't be there in the new system, that I'm making such a poor decision. But he hasn't been in service in years, makes a meeting about once every two months or so, is an admitted alcoholic, loves porn, would cheat on his wife if there was an opportunity (he's told me so), does business with the U.N. and is basically a NON-JW in every way I can think of. But somehow he thinks that I'm to be pitied and I'm wrong.
I know he truly believes the JW's are correct. I can't understand how he really thinks that he is somewhat acceptable in God's eyes (from the JW viewpoint he believes). He likes to debate with me and can defend JW beliefs very well.
I'm not sure if I'm asking anything here, or just ranting, but this type of JW is one that really confuses me. What's going on in his mind that comforts him that he's "ok with God"? How does he see my situation as worse than his (from a JW viewpoint)? -
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Worldly people are...
by mrsjones5 in.
insert any racist thought or saying you have ever heard after "worldly people are...".. i say this because earlier this morning i was thinking about things i have heard from my parents, extended family, and so-called friends about how evil or nasty worldy people are and if you think about it you can insert "worldly people" into any racist phrase and it would sound like something a jw would say.. i called that religious bigotry.. josie
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thom
Yeah ballistic, my business partner talks like that all the time. He also has an incredibly dirty mind.
But I guess since he goes out in service every week, makes all the meetings and calls his BS conductor when he's going to miss, that makes everything ok for him.
On topic: I always had a problem looking down on worldly people (I didn't look down on them). It made me sick to hear the things others would say. I had problems with how JW's thought and what they believed for a long time before I finally got out. -
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thom
I was raised a JW as it sounds like you may have been. I waited until my late 30's to leave and be myself. Even now I see pleny of life ahead of me, life that I choose and I'm happy.
At 18, it seems so hard. It is, of course, but you have so much life ahead of you. I spent several years in my 30's laying in bed each morning thinking about suicide. I never did it and I'm so glad now that I did not! There is so much to do, and I'm living a real life now.
I really believe that the sooner you can get out of the JW's, the better. No matter when you do, you'll have to deal with your family so when possible I'd say do it sooner rather than later. Get it over with and move on.
Many people here have gone through what you describe. Keep reading here, and posting when you can. There are many who can offer advice and who truly understand.