DEFD,I have night after night prayed to JEHOVAH and thrown my anxieties on him,to no avail.The one time i thought he had answered my prayer it might have been more coincidence than anything else.I asked that if the witnesses had the truth,that they would come to my door,and guess what a couple weeks later they did,That messed me up and i really thought that was JEHOVAHS answer to me.My husband thought i was crazy and told me i was just a coincidence.Hes right i could have been,i dont know but if Jehovah really wanted to help me and he knows the struggle im going through to find "the truth" then he would make it clear as crystal where i need to go. If the witnesses have the truth why the hell is it soooo difficult to see it??Where is it,somewhere mixed in between all the falsehoods?Look at the logic defd you cannot deny all the things exposed in the religon,you cannot answer the tough questions,and neither can I.If i cannot make sense of the religon i supposedly believe in and it appears ridiculus to everyone else, i dont want to be in it.
acuragirl
JoinedPosts by acuragirl
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51
Still on the fence!
by acuragirl inhey everyone i know its been a while since i posted but today i felt the need.just wanted to update you all on my position which is still brainwashed!i just dont know what to do i gain my strength to conquer this disease,(thats what i call being born in the org) from others like freedom lover who have come out of this religon free and clear i know its not easy but i know it can be done.i dont know why i just cant get over it and move on already,but theres thats piece of me that says,but what if?then im back, screwed and tatooed with jdub on my forehead,thinking that jehovah is upset and dissapointed with me and satan has me in his grasp.im stil sooo confused even with all the evidence pointing to they are full of crap!what if they arent?i just want to know the truth even if i dont choose to follow it,i want to know if jehovah is watching me torment myself every day,going back and forth and i cant take it anymore.then i think what if there is no jehovah?who the hell am i praying to with my daughter at night?
(the air mabe)you see my daughter still believes even though she is ready to celebrate halloween this year and yes we bought her a costume,cinderella!my mother comes and takes her every now and then only if i promise to go to some meetings and i did last weekend i attended the sunday meeting for once in a about 6 months!felt strange to be there but once again going to a different cong i got love bombed.btw i feel guilty and scared about having anything to do with halloween this year.yup still dealing with the guilt,fear,agony,of knowing and believing in the dubs,for so long now trying desperately to get out without feeling the way i do.i just dont know what to do anymore and its a shame because the dubs have sucked the life out of me(guess i didnt check my doubts soon enough).if i dont get off the fence soon im going to go nuts.i like believeing that satan doesnt even exist and that there is no heavenly org.gives me peace of mind that i can just live my life,if theres a god,fine,is it jehovah?thats where the conflict arises and i cant just go on with my life thinking jehovah has lost me to the other side!
!im not a lost cause yet guys.i need new light!
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51
Still on the fence!
by acuragirl inhey everyone i know its been a while since i posted but today i felt the need.just wanted to update you all on my position which is still brainwashed!i just dont know what to do i gain my strength to conquer this disease,(thats what i call being born in the org) from others like freedom lover who have come out of this religon free and clear i know its not easy but i know it can be done.i dont know why i just cant get over it and move on already,but theres thats piece of me that says,but what if?then im back, screwed and tatooed with jdub on my forehead,thinking that jehovah is upset and dissapointed with me and satan has me in his grasp.im stil sooo confused even with all the evidence pointing to they are full of crap!what if they arent?i just want to know the truth even if i dont choose to follow it,i want to know if jehovah is watching me torment myself every day,going back and forth and i cant take it anymore.then i think what if there is no jehovah?who the hell am i praying to with my daughter at night?
(the air mabe)you see my daughter still believes even though she is ready to celebrate halloween this year and yes we bought her a costume,cinderella!my mother comes and takes her every now and then only if i promise to go to some meetings and i did last weekend i attended the sunday meeting for once in a about 6 months!felt strange to be there but once again going to a different cong i got love bombed.btw i feel guilty and scared about having anything to do with halloween this year.yup still dealing with the guilt,fear,agony,of knowing and believing in the dubs,for so long now trying desperately to get out without feeling the way i do.i just dont know what to do anymore and its a shame because the dubs have sucked the life out of me(guess i didnt check my doubts soon enough).if i dont get off the fence soon im going to go nuts.i like believeing that satan doesnt even exist and that there is no heavenly org.gives me peace of mind that i can just live my life,if theres a god,fine,is it jehovah?thats where the conflict arises and i cant just go on with my life thinking jehovah has lost me to the other side!
!im not a lost cause yet guys.i need new light!
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acuragirl
You guys are right i need to stop kidding myself and look at the logic.I also need to reassure myself that they are bs by reading there those two books mentioned.I think with time and a little extra study i will see what i need to.Then i will be sure of my decision to leave and stay gone.Besides you are all right i wouldnt stay with an abusive husband who constantly threatened me and made me fearful of him if i didnt stay.I cant possibly stay in a religon or be affiliated with one that forces you to OBEY,OR ELSE DEATH.I just hate what they are aloud to do to people,Ruin their lives.Im just glad i never got baptized.I was smart there.
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Embarrased that you were a JW?
by Lady Lee ini have finally started to read captive hearts, captive minds.. they say something that got me to thinking.. i used to feel embarassed to tell non-jws that i was a jw.
it was one thing to tell people at the doors.
it was totally another thing to tell other people.
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acuragirl
Tell me about it i was wicked embarrased to go knocking on doors as a kid and teen out in service.I would make up every excuse in the world to get out of going to the doors.It never worked i always had to go,sometimes i would pretend to ring the bell(if the door had a bell) and i would walk away quick if no one came to the door after like 1 knock.LOL. The worst thing was when i went to a door and one of my schoolmates lived there,o god just kill me.I was so afraid to be the laughing stock of my school,me and my sisters.Luckily i wasnt.It was almost equally embarrasing to stand up at the flag salute and b the only one without your hand over your heart and everyone looking at you like,"Whats with her?"
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"The friends" came over today.............
by gringojj ini am so sick of witnesses reserving catchphrases for themselves.. talking to my wifes mother today she kept referring to "the friends".
"the friends came over today, we went to lunch with the friends".
well if they are "the friends", then what the hell are everyone else?
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acuragirl
You know whats funny legolas,im his wife and i dont even know what gringojj"s name means.I guess i never thought to ask him.LOL
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51
Still on the fence!
by acuragirl inhey everyone i know its been a while since i posted but today i felt the need.just wanted to update you all on my position which is still brainwashed!i just dont know what to do i gain my strength to conquer this disease,(thats what i call being born in the org) from others like freedom lover who have come out of this religon free and clear i know its not easy but i know it can be done.i dont know why i just cant get over it and move on already,but theres thats piece of me that says,but what if?then im back, screwed and tatooed with jdub on my forehead,thinking that jehovah is upset and dissapointed with me and satan has me in his grasp.im stil sooo confused even with all the evidence pointing to they are full of crap!what if they arent?i just want to know the truth even if i dont choose to follow it,i want to know if jehovah is watching me torment myself every day,going back and forth and i cant take it anymore.then i think what if there is no jehovah?who the hell am i praying to with my daughter at night?
(the air mabe)you see my daughter still believes even though she is ready to celebrate halloween this year and yes we bought her a costume,cinderella!my mother comes and takes her every now and then only if i promise to go to some meetings and i did last weekend i attended the sunday meeting for once in a about 6 months!felt strange to be there but once again going to a different cong i got love bombed.btw i feel guilty and scared about having anything to do with halloween this year.yup still dealing with the guilt,fear,agony,of knowing and believing in the dubs,for so long now trying desperately to get out without feeling the way i do.i just dont know what to do anymore and its a shame because the dubs have sucked the life out of me(guess i didnt check my doubts soon enough).if i dont get off the fence soon im going to go nuts.i like believeing that satan doesnt even exist and that there is no heavenly org.gives me peace of mind that i can just live my life,if theres a god,fine,is it jehovah?thats where the conflict arises and i cant just go on with my life thinking jehovah has lost me to the other side!
!im not a lost cause yet guys.i need new light!
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acuragirl
No i have not read the books.
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51
Still on the fence!
by acuragirl inhey everyone i know its been a while since i posted but today i felt the need.just wanted to update you all on my position which is still brainwashed!i just dont know what to do i gain my strength to conquer this disease,(thats what i call being born in the org) from others like freedom lover who have come out of this religon free and clear i know its not easy but i know it can be done.i dont know why i just cant get over it and move on already,but theres thats piece of me that says,but what if?then im back, screwed and tatooed with jdub on my forehead,thinking that jehovah is upset and dissapointed with me and satan has me in his grasp.im stil sooo confused even with all the evidence pointing to they are full of crap!what if they arent?i just want to know the truth even if i dont choose to follow it,i want to know if jehovah is watching me torment myself every day,going back and forth and i cant take it anymore.then i think what if there is no jehovah?who the hell am i praying to with my daughter at night?
(the air mabe)you see my daughter still believes even though she is ready to celebrate halloween this year and yes we bought her a costume,cinderella!my mother comes and takes her every now and then only if i promise to go to some meetings and i did last weekend i attended the sunday meeting for once in a about 6 months!felt strange to be there but once again going to a different cong i got love bombed.btw i feel guilty and scared about having anything to do with halloween this year.yup still dealing with the guilt,fear,agony,of knowing and believing in the dubs,for so long now trying desperately to get out without feeling the way i do.i just dont know what to do anymore and its a shame because the dubs have sucked the life out of me(guess i didnt check my doubts soon enough).if i dont get off the fence soon im going to go nuts.i like believeing that satan doesnt even exist and that there is no heavenly org.gives me peace of mind that i can just live my life,if theres a god,fine,is it jehovah?thats where the conflict arises and i cant just go on with my life thinking jehovah has lost me to the other side!
!im not a lost cause yet guys.i need new light!
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acuragirl
Hey everyone i know its been a while since i posted but today i felt the need.Just wanted to update you all on my position which is STILL BRAINWASHED!I just dont know what to do i gain my strength to conquer this disease,(thats what i call being born in the org) from others like freedom lover who have come out of this religon free and clear i know its not easy but i know it can be done.I dont know why i just cant get over it and move on already,but theres thats piece of me that says,but what if?Then im back, screwed and tatooed with JDUB on my forehead,thinking that Jehovah is upset and dissapointed with me and Satan has me in his grasp.Im stil sooo confused even with all the evidence pointing to they are full of crap!What if they arent?I just want to know the truth even if i dont choose to follow it,I want to know if Jehovah is watching me torment myself every day,going back and forth and i cant take it anymore.Then i think what if there is no Jehovah?Who the hell am i praying to with my daughter at night?(the air mabe)You see my daughter still believes even though she is ready to celebrate halloween this year and yes we bought her a costume,cinderella!My mother comes and takes her every now and then only if i promise to go to some meetings and i did last weekend i attended the sunday meeting for once in a about 6 months!Felt strange to be there but once again going to a different cong i got love bombed.Btw i feel guilty and scared about having anything to do with halloween this year.Yup still dealing with the guilt,fear,agony,of knowing and believing in the dubs,for so long now trying desperately to get out without feeling the way i do.I just dont know what to do anymore and its a shame because the dubs have sucked the life out of me(guess i didnt check my doubts soon enough).If i dont get off the fence soon im going to go nuts.I like believeing that Satan doesnt even exist and that there is no heavenly org.Gives me peace of mind that i can just live my life,if theres a god,FINE,Is it Jehovah?Thats where the conflict arises and i cant just go on with my life thinking Jehovah has lost me to the other side! HELP!!Im not a lost cause yet guys.I NEED NEW LIGHT! (side joke lol!!!!) Seriously though my husband has helped me a great deal through this battle and i can only hope he continues.There is just a huge difference in the way we feel,he is not burdened by his upbringing he believes what he believes whole heartedly and i want to also.One thing though he will never understand, what it is like to be born in the org grow up in the org spend your teenage years and some of your adulthood in it,then find out that they might not be THE TRUTH! Let me say its earth shattering! i felt,so terrible.I can be thankful though for Mr.gringojj who i love more than life itself,he has been going through hell and high water to help me live my life happily.Thats all for now,please some words of encouragement? AG
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Is there anything the WTS could do.............
by acuragirl inthis is a question for believers of the wts.
is there anything that the wts could do to make you not believe anymore?
what would it take for them to shatter your faith?
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acuragirl
The reason I ask this question is we all know about the false prophecies, the un thing, child molestation scandals etc. Many people still remain in the org. If the WTS told you you HAD to give some amount fo money, would you do it? Remember all the cults that had leaders that convinced them all to commit suicide. If the WTS told you to do that, would you leave then? What would it take?
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Is there anything the WTS could do.............
by acuragirl inthis is a question for believers of the wts.
is there anything that the wts could do to make you not believe anymore?
what would it take for them to shatter your faith?
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acuragirl
???????????????
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Is there anything the WTS could do.............
by acuragirl inthis is a question for believers of the wts.
is there anything that the wts could do to make you not believe anymore?
what would it take for them to shatter your faith?
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acuragirl
This is a question for believers of the WTS. Is there anything that the WTS could do to make you not believe anymore? What would it take for them to shatter your faith? Everyone has their breaking point. Whats yours?
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Hi everyone I am new here
by acuragirl in.
this is a new thread started from the one my husband left yesterday............ hi everyone,this is gringojjs wife.i thankyou all for your comments and your help,really makes me feel better about my situation especially since i see that most of what im going through alot of you have been through the exact same thing.it makes me realize im not the only one and that i can get through this tough time like most of you have.i can really identify with the poster who made the comments about being scared after leaving,not realizing if it was the right decision or not.i am really scared of armagedon,of invisible wicked forces the wts teaches you to turn away from,just like the poster i watched a horror film a couple nights ago and it was about demonism,i was extremely scared i was going to be bothered by the demons for getting involved in watching those kinds of movies.its ridiculus how scared i was,just believing in satan and his demons,and what they could or could not do.something my husband doesnt really understand because he doesnt believe in satan or jehovah or a god at all,but when you do believe its scary to think you are upseting god or on the side of satan.i dont know where i am at right now i do know that im confused,the witnesses coming to the door,halloween coming up......which btw i celebrated last year but my concience is really doing me in this time.........i dont know what to do with the kids !
do they celebrate do they not?i dont know, when the time comes mabe i will but i know one thing i have to make a choice, for my husbands sake,for my sanity,and for our children.i am glad i have people to share my pain and suffering with,my mother says i dont want to suffer at all because im afraid of losing my husband if i become baptized,she says thats what you have to do for the truth....suffer....im not going to be happy suffering through life and for what?mabe nothing.i am not afraid of losing my husband i am afraid of dissapointing my mom but im not going to stay in a religon that makes me totally screwed up in the head.i used to have panic attacks when i was attending meetings i havent had one since not attending,i still have exterme anxiety from worry and fear but no panic attacks....hm....go figure!last thing,the other day a born again christian approched me by my local post office and asked me if i was interested in attending his church.i simply told him no thankyou my children are already screwed up enough from the jws.
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acuragirl
This is a new thread started from the one my husband left yesterday...........
Hi everyone,this is gringojjs wife.I thankyou all for your comments and your help,really makes me feel better about my situation especially since i see that most of what im going through alot of you have been through the exact same thing.It makes me realize im not the only one and that i can get through this tough time like most of you have.I can really identify with the poster who made the comments about being scared after leaving,not realizing if it was the right decision or not.I am really scared of armagedon,of invisible wicked forces the wts teaches you to turn away from,just like the poster i watched a horror film a couple nights ago and it was about demonism,i was extremely scared i was going to be bothered by the demons for getting involved in watching those kinds of movies.Its ridiculus how scared i was,just believing in satan and his demons,and what they could or could not do.Something my husband doesnt really understand because he doesnt believe in satan or jehovah or a god at all,but when you do believe its scary to think you are upseting god or on the side of satan.I dont know where i am at right now i do know that im confused,the witnesses coming to the door,halloween coming up......which btw i celebrated last year but my concience is really doing me in this time.........I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THE KIDS ! Do they celebrate do they not?I dont know, when the time comes mabe i will but i know one thing i have to make a choice, for my husbands sake,for my SANITY,and for our children.I am glad i have people to share my pain and suffering with,my mother says i dont want to suffer at all because im afraid of losing my husband if i become baptized,she says thats what you have to do for the truth....suffer....Im not going to be happy suffering through life and for what?Mabe nothing.I am not afraid of losing my husband i am afraid of dissapointing my mom but im not going to stay in a religon that makes me totally screwed up in the head.I used to have panic attacks when i was attending meetings i havent had one since not attending,i still have exterme anxiety from worry and fear but no panic attacks....hm....go figure!Last thing,the other day a born again christian approched me by my local post office and asked me if i was interested in attending his church.I simply told him no thankyou my children are already screwed up enough from the JWS.