Hi chosing life!
I'm in the same situation as you. I started fading a few years ago, I was almost positive that it wasn't 'the truth', and I couldn't stand being at the meetings anymore and listening to that crap. My 2 kids had been raised as JWs their entire lives, my husband and I were both raised in 'the truth', and we were The Perfect Family, good examples, everyone answering at every meeting and in service all the time, etc. Leaving was the single most difficult thing I have ever done in my life.
When I finally got online and became sure that I was on the right track with my life, I had to make a decision. Do I keep going to meetings to keep our many, many JW friends, keep peace in my marriage, and not pull the rug out from under my teenage kids - this was, after all, the only belief system they had ever known. Or do I continue to fade because I can't pretend to worship in a way that I believe is wrong.
I decided to fade. In the last 2 years, I've had marriage problems, been snubbed by every friend who is aware that I'm not going to meetings anymore (some of those in the last town we lived in don't know, and still treat me the same.) I've been visited by the elders, by the circuit overseer, and thought at times that my marriage was over. But the sense of freedom that I now feel makes up for all of it. I am free to believe what I want. I am free to think, to make friends, to have opinions, to allow my horizons to expand in directions I never thought they could. I have showed my kids what I've learned, and they have both told me that they will never be JWs. And the last couple of months, even my husband has come around and seems to be accepting the fact that he's a JW, I'm not, and is leaving me alone with my beliefs. He's finally looking at me as a person again, as the woman he married, and not as someone who is slacking in their JW duties. At least I hope that's what's happening.
Not too long ago, afraid that I would be DF'd, I said to someone on this forum that I have no friends who aren't JWs. He replied, "Nonsense! I'm your friend!" as are many of others that I've met on this site. Maybe not in person yet, but the support you get from a place like this is amazing. So don't underestimate that, either.
There will be rough times, that's for sure, but it gets better with time. Be patient. We're here whenever you need to vent!
GGG
