Oh, yes. Every aspect of my life was governed by "The truth." Even though I always felt the guilt of never doing enough or being good enough, I continued to struggle on. It wasn't until I came to this forum that I found out "the truth" was really "truth according to the dictates of the FDS."
Quandry
JoinedPosts by Quandry
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49
Did anyone here ever make the truth their own?
by slimboyfat inonly encouraging comments please.
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slim.
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30
My 17 year old daughter has so many problems
by Jez inwell, my 17 year old has left home in a horribly negative way.
she has had many problems for many years.
she ran away a year ago, we dragged her home, took her to the hospital for bulimia and suicidal tendencies.
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Quandry
I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. Of course you love her. But, I would like to mention this. You are having a little one soon. Your stress could be transferred to this new baby. You must take care of yourself and him/her.
I wonder if you just told her that you want to place your confidence in her decisions, and back off for awhile. I know that this would be hard, but she may respond if she does not feel pressure from you and the need to rebel to "show you."
Just a thought. You certainly don't have to go with any advice other than what you feel will be effective. I just hope this doesn't completely engulf you to the point where you lose other relationships. This will help no one.
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Update on my Dad
by ex-nj-jw indad had a heart attack and stroke on friday.
they actually think the stroke started on wednesday or thursday, very mild and escalated on friday.
the doctors have wanted to place a pacemaker and internal def.
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Quandry
So glad you are able to be there with your dad.
Mom is a true dub. I was in her shoes once, maybe you were too. She has been programmed completely. It is not totally her fault.
It is nice that your two brothers are supportive of you being there. Keep your temper. Mom is going through some rough times. Did your brothers get with the hospital liason committee? Maybe they could give out current information on what is allowed for your dad.
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Voluntarily Confessing & Then Getting Reproved or Disfellowshipped
by minimus indo you realize how many contrite witnesses went to the elders to make things right with god and wound up getting disfellowshipped or privately or publicly reproved?
a lot.. did you or anyone that you knew ever get "disciplined" unfairly?
many times, no one would ever know about anything unless it was voluntarily brought up.
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Quandry
UB,
I was not at the JC. My husband was there with my daughter. But believe me, I have gone through it so many times with my husband it is almost as if I was there. My husband was an elder at the time. He was so shocked, I think, at the way things were proceeding. He said he'd never seen anything like it in his twenty years of being an elder. These men used lies, innuendoes, and bullying tactics. Kinda like the interrogation room at the Police headquarters.
My husband did try to stop them, but they totally ignored him. They even asked my daughter if she wanted him to leave. She obviously said no, and I think this was to intimidate him and her both. How dare they suggest that she should be alone with FIVE men in a room. By the time they had finished with her, it was well after midnight.
They never even explained to her why she was disfellowshipped. After many talks with the CO, it was told to us that "she refused counsel." And what was the counsel? The counsel was the questions she was asked and it did not seem as though she wanted to answer them. I guess not-they kept at her and at her trying to force her to say she'd had fornication, and she refused to admit to something she hadn't done. This made them very angry. She was not cooperating with the scenario they had already decided had occurred.
Believe me, we wrote letter after letter to the WTS. They know the truth of what happened in that room, as well as the CO and DO. But they wish to sweep everything under a rug, just writing us back to say that surely "these men had learned a lesson." They do not want their precious image tarnished by the suggestion that elders are anything but concerned, loving shepherds.
Yes, my husband has been so depressed over the past couple of years since this happened. He blames himself for not taking her out of there or jumping over the table to give them what they deserved. But you know we had the ultimate dub mentality. We never imagined anything like this could happen.
Now all we can do is try to warn others. We have done this, also. I know that some day these men will come after us. I don't know why they haven't already.
Let them.
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Voluntarily Confessing & Then Getting Reproved or Disfellowshipped
by minimus indo you realize how many contrite witnesses went to the elders to make things right with god and wound up getting disfellowshipped or privately or publicly reproved?
a lot.. did you or anyone that you knew ever get "disciplined" unfairly?
many times, no one would ever know about anything unless it was voluntarily brought up.
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Quandry
UB-
WTF exactly. These girls Had been friends since the age of 10 or 11and had little parties and sleepovers at one another's houses with supervised activities. This man said, "Little girls sleepovers are lesbian training grounds." So I guess that is where that accusation came from.
In the J.C. he wanted to know if there was any "innapropriate touching" while they were in bed. He wanted to know if they had ever showered together, or "washed each other" in the shower. Maybe when one of them was about 8 and another 10 they showered together.
I remember showereing with a friend when I was a little girl and no one thought anything of it.
I need a shower just thinking about that disgusing man.
I think he was trying to get off on some power trip. It's easy to have power over a 16 year old girl that weighs 100 pounds and has never been spoken to in such a way before.
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Voluntarily Confessing & Then Getting Reproved or Disfellowshipped
by minimus indo you realize how many contrite witnesses went to the elders to make things right with god and wound up getting disfellowshipped or privately or publicly reproved?
a lot.. did you or anyone that you knew ever get "disciplined" unfairly?
many times, no one would ever know about anything unless it was voluntarily brought up.
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Quandry
Granted, we couldn't read hearts, but we weren't ever out to GET anyone. If they'd tell us what we needed to hear, we never second-guessed them.
Well, I know it may be hard to believe that the elders would actually be out to get someone, and if it hadn't happened in my own family, I'd never have believed it either (or possibly be on this forum).
My teen daughter and some other girls did some normal teen stuff.
A committee was formed-no elders with any "fact finding" just talking first-with all the girls.
Before the first committee was held, the head elder told my husband that this looked like a "girl gang such as ones that were in his affluent neighborhood that smoked, took drugs, had casual sex with men for initiation, and were lesbians."
My daughter had never even been anywhere without an adult present until just a few weeks earlier. She was shy, an honor student, never in any trouble with anyone at school, or at any time. I was so incredulous that I was I guess stupified and couldn't believe that I was hearing these words and knew they had nothing to do with my child.
Well, I was wrong. They spent over two and one half hours trying to force her to admit to commiting fornication, even though he had already told my husband there was no accusation of it, witnesses to it, or confession of it. When she would not admit it, they hung their heads, saying, NO, NO, and finally told her they would not believe her. They made her read every condemning scripture in the Bible. The wording that he used was scripted. Down to the words he used when she was disfellowshipped, "And if you are still disfellowshipped when Armageddon comes, then you can take some comfort in knowing that Jehovah can read hearts."
The accusations, strategy used, and outcome was all decided and written down before she ever got into that room. Oh, yes, because they WANTED TO GET HER. Why? We will never know.
B^$#@&*$
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Sister/Brother *** is disfellowshipped for.....
by Bonnie_Clyde inin the 1950's i remember they used to say what they were disfellowshipped for, whether it be fornication, stealing, etc.
then it was disfellowshipped for "loose conduct", then "conduct not becoming a christian.
" then it was simply "disfellowshipped" or "disassociated.
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Quandry
Only now they make sure everyone knows why they made that announcement a couple of weeks later when they give the local needs part and blatantly tell all but the tiniest details.
Well, I don't ever remember a follow-up talk concerning pedophiles, though.
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Guilt over a happy marriage
by Frequent_Fader_Miles inlong before i began my fade, there was a certain "sister" in the congo who married a non-jw man.
she was very happily married despite of all the forecasts of "doom and gloom" among the "friends".
how sad it was to hear her make the following comment in conversation - "sometimes i feel badly about marrying an unbeliever, since other sisters may look at me and follow my example.
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Quandry
FFM,
Maybe you could tell her to show everyone that marriage itself is a happy and fulfilling institution, and that the example of the good wife that she must obviously be will encourage others.
Always the guilt thing.........
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Just got a phone call
by ex-nj-jw injust got a call from my jw mom, she wanted to let me know that my dad was taken to the hospital friday!!
!, he had another heart attack.
he is on a ventilator and needs bypass surgery (again) but the doctors can't operate since his hemoglobin is low and he has been on coumadin (blood thinner).
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Quandry
Sorry for the situation you are in.
If you feel things are really bad, don't wait. I waited , didn't know things were as bad as they were, and my father died before I got there.
Just a thought. Maybe your two brothers could contact the Hospital Liason Committee. Perhaps they could let your mom and dad know just what all the current options are that are available to him.
Will be thinking about you.
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My Grandpa Died Sunday
by noni1974 inmy grandpa died sunday afternoon.i was there in the room with him.i had to watch as he struggled to take his last breaths.it was horrific to watch.this was the second time i have watched someone in my family die.he died of prostate cancer.it was a long and painful death.i'm glad he's not in pain anymore.. at the moment i'm feeling a little emotional and upset about what i saw and all of the jw bs i had to listen too.i'm also dreading the jw memorial which is next weekend.i am planning on going.i'm da ed so i don't expect anyone to come up and talk to me or express there sorrow to me.the thing is i feel like i should be comferted and people should tell me they are sorry i lost my grandfather.i lost someone who i had alot of respect for all of my life regaurdless of how close we were after i da ed.i think i'm going to be excluded at the dinner after.they are planning a reception type thing for after the service.
i'm glad i did get the chance to see him and talk to him before he got really sick.i had the chance to go to dinner with him and my parents and a couple of my aunts a few months ago.when he was leaveing he asked me pointedly for a hug.he said he was collecting them.i hugged him and said i loved him.that was the last time i saw him till i went to my aunts house where he was staying just before he went into hospice.the next time i saw him was 3 weeks ago when he entered hospice and wasn't expected to live the night out.then i saw him sunday i arrived about 20 to 30 minutes before he took his last breath.he was creamated this week and will be buried with my other family in our family plots soon.. anyway i'm just in need of some kind words of support at the moment.i though that jwd would give that to me even though i don't post here that much.it really sucks to feel alone at times like this..
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Quandry
Noni
Very sorry to hear about your grandpa. I have lost both sets of grandparents, and my dad. It is hard. The only thing we can do is be there for our loved ones while they are alive. It sounds like you are trying to be a support for your mom. She will appreciate it. Do not feel bad about crying and being sad around her. You can hopefully cry together.
Do not let it worry you if you are not invited to a meal after the memorial. You know that grandpa loved you. That is the important thing.