J-ex-W

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Posts by J-ex-W

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  94

  Looks Like the Andersons Lost in Court

  by Beep,Beep in

  1. watchtower
  2. scandals

  came across this a few minutes ago.

  http://www.wmcstations.com/global/story.asp?s=5973793

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  J-ex-W

  At least this has been made public. Plenty of eyebrows will go up to read that she was ousted after bringing hushed-up allegations to light.
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  31

  What message would you like to say to anyone studying with the JW's?

  by JH in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i'd say, beware, once you'll be baptized they won't treat you the same way.

  they will expect a lot from you, and you'll never be free again to say what you think about the religon or even think for yourself.

  they will control your life completely.

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  J-ex-W

  ...That I stopped going out in the ministry three years ago, because I had come to the realization that I could not...in good conscience...continue to go out and invite people to "Come!"--knowing full well that there is no protection here for the sisters.
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  31

  What the **** is this???

  by drew sagan in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  strange video.

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  don't know if i'm late to this thing, but it is just has me totally confused!

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  J-ex-W

  Yep it sure was creepy.. and as for witnessing to the little girl,, that is just wrong..wrong.. they should not be talking to a child without their parents being present..I am surprised though,, that people in a mindnumbing environment like that would be able to make something that , even in all its stupidity ,, is still creative.How were they allowed so much time to make that anyways??? New thinking on the part of the org,??, you can be be creative and have a hobby,, it just has to be all about the org and field service

  Yeah...I hate to say it, but this is exactly the kind of recreation/ entertainment I would have sought out for my kids--whom I've indoctrinated so thoroughly that it has since come back to bite me in the a**. [I've left; they're still in--zealous and gung-ho, doing all the JW things I once dreamed of them doing when they got older.]
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  21

  How to handle a stinky roommate?

  by Rayvin in

  1. social
  2. relationships

  i'd go for the blunt but leave out the rude.

  he's an adult living in someone else's home.

  he should be on his best behavior since he's a guest.

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  J-ex-W

  I edited just a little bit on my last post, so you may want to re-read. The guy I talked to was in his early twenties. I kept affirming my affection for him/ appreciation for his friendship, and I know this made a difference. That should be effective no matter what the age.

  I started off saying that I saw an episode on Oprah about embarrassing medical questions and that body smell/ excessive skin bacteria some people have will make them smell stronger than most other people. I also, straight up but gentle, told him that my mom used to be obese pre-gastric bypass surgery and that having excess fat cells also means extra sweat, bacteria buildup, and stronger odor--so that for overweight people, showering at least once per day is especially important.

  I said that it's not fair--to think that being overweight means you have to shower more frequently when a skinnier person can skip on occasion and be fine--but it's a biological reality. I also said that I can relate to it feeling not fair, because I have acne-prone skin problems that I have to work extra hard to stay on top of (and even with that, there's still some acne to deal with)--but that it's much better because I DO stay on top of it. So...I understand if it feels like it's not fair to have to shower extra, etc.

  It sounds like extra showering is not what you're after, though--just regular showering. That's why I say you may have to be the externalized reminding voice. Not as if to a child, not as if to an errant adult...but as if a rule supervisor and enforcer in a friendly, informal, work environment. Friendly and businesslike. Not personal...just good business practice. Does that make sense?
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  21

  How to handle a stinky roommate?

  by Rayvin in

  1. social
  2. relationships

  i'd go for the blunt but leave out the rude.

  he's an adult living in someone else's home.

  he should be on his best behavior since he's a guest.

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  J-ex-W

  Blunt, yes. Rude--maybe not yet. But definitely UP FRONT and not using euphemisms. You can say that you are sensitive to smells---that some people are more so and others less so, but that you are definitely smell-sensitive. Let the friend know that you really like spending time with him, but that the smell makes you want to back away from doing so...and that you know if you're feeling this way toward him, you know others are--but just do not have the guts to say so, because it is a difficult and uncomfortable thing to bring up.

  In fact, you can start off the discussion by gently sitting him down and telling him that it IS difficult and uncomfortable to bring up, but that you feel it's important to do so (and the quality of the friendship is the reason why--you don't want to feel like you have to hang back in order to save your sensitive nose). The more gentle--but straightforward--you are in stating these things, the more likely success will be. You can tell him that for the sake of the comfort of everyone in the houshold, you expect specific guidelines to be followed routinely--by him and everyone.

  Then expect to have to give regular, gentle 'reminders' of the house rules: Shower X times per week/ day, deodorant everyday, and teeth brushed at least once or twice per day. If you expect to have to do so, it will be less irritating to you then if you're expecting him to be able to pick up the baton and run with it. [--That's not a realistic expectation at this stage.] Some people (especially if they are depressed) fall out of good habits this way...others never develop--never 'internalize'--them, but will go along with the program as long as someone is there to remind them.

  You may have to accept this role for an extended period (without resentment, just recognizing it as a limitation of his and that he is willing to work with you for the sake of harmony). He may, after an extended time, internalize the habit but in the meantime you can be happy to just have a sweeter smelling environment for your sensitive schnoz.

  [If it makes you feel any better, I DID have to have this talk with a friend of mine. It was a successful outcome.]
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  18

  American Idol - This season 2007

  by free2beme in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i have always been open about the fact that i really like watching the american idol show, but never buy any cd's by the winners.

  i am glad it is back on this season, and yet recently i have been watching some shows on it.

  there is something i never noticed, but now i can not wait to watch each show to see if it is really true.

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  J-ex-W

  I watched the Paula Abdul video link you provided and a few others. Did you notice it's the same purple drape background in each of the different shows' interviews? That means it was ONE drunk episode of Paula, with several feeds to several stations for several interviews at once. So it LOOKS like she's traipsing all over the place while drunk, giving one drunken interview after another, when it was just the opposite. Paula stationary, drunk that one time, and lots of interviewers [cameras] flocked around her.

  It IS obvious she's hammered, though. Danny DeVito showed up on "The View" drunk, did anybody know that? He had been partying with George Clooney into the wee hours before doing this morning show and was still drunk when he arrived on the set. I wonder if that's Paula's deal.
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  26

  Nosferatu's School of Dating - Lesson 2.2 - Building Rapport

  by Nosferatu in

  1. social
  2. relationships

  since many have commented that lesson 2.1 has "no feeling", portrays the individual as an abuser, and all the other negative comments, i decided to cover rapport next.. the unfortunate thing is i can only give you tips on how to build good rapport.

  i will not be giving you magic lines that will make her fall in love with you.

  it's your own personality, your enthusiasm, your wit, your sense of humor, your creativeness, and your imagination that has to do the actual work.. many people will tell you "forget about all these tips, tricks and techniques.

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  J-ex-W

  JamieL-----------Good for you!!!
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  24

  My wife loves me more than I love her

  by jayhawk1 in

  1. social
  2. family

  love has always been a difficult concept for me.

  i've dated several women that i had no emotional connection with.

  i began to think falling in love would never happen.

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  J-ex-W

  First--read "Men Are From Mars, Women Are from Venus." Seriously. And that vacation thing you're worried about...if you can't afford to GO anywhere, plan a few days of just special LOCAL activities/ time together. Tourists come to our localities all the time for some fun...discover the fun in your own locality.

  Also, that book I mentioned pointed out a significant--and oh, so true--thing: Women regard big things and small things equally when tallying what 'deposits' her mate has made into the relationship's 'emotional bank account.' You're thinking time for something big (supposedly more 'points,' right?). Only women don't think that way. The vacation will count in your favor the same way a boquet of flowers counts--1 point each. One time of putting for effort, 1 point. One demonstration of love, affection, or consideration: 1 point.

  The interesting thing is, the more often you put forth such effort--make such demonstrations--the more your emotional 'investment' into the relationship grows, and the more your 'affection circuitry' will be tripped into motion. [That's not from the book; that's from me.] So it benefits her and you to think on a regular basis of what kinds of things you can do to show her that she means something to you.

  Hope this helps.... Good luck.
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  39

  I need to get my husband some help...

  by mrsjones5 in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  my husband has an ugly temper.

  it rears it's ugly head rarely (well used to be rarely) and now it pops up mostly when my oldest boy messes up.

  it's so bad that anyone seeing it would call it abuse.

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  J-ex-W

  mrsjones5----------------- It sounds harsh, but the next time it happens, discreetly leave the room and call the police. An officer said to me once, when I was hesitating about having him go confront a boyfriend whose outburst resulted in his accidentally dislocating my finger (by the way he yanked on my hand): The trouble with these a**holes is, if they get away with it once, then they think they can get away with these things all the time. Sometimes just scaring them is enough to make them stop."

  I told him how to get to the guy's house, reasoning that---based on my experience with my ex-husband---it was better to get these things nipped in the bud, so that they LEARN the BOUNDARIES and the CONSEQUENCES early on. I knew I wasn't going to go out with him again, but I figured if kept him in check, it could benefit another girlfriend of his down the road.

  In your situation, know that nipping it in the bud can benefit your son, you, any future girlfriend your son might have--and your husband, though it might be a LONG time before he is willing to see it that way. --My ex-husband even took my INaction from early on and sort of twisted it in a new way against me: "If you had put me in jail way back when ------- happened, then a lot of the [years of subsequent abuse] would never have happened." Nice new way to 'blame the victim.' [And yet, there could have been at least some truth to that one."]

  Call the cops. Let them deal with your husband as a regular assault perpetrator. Don't feel like you need to go easy on him because he is family. That's what keeps these situations recurring. You need to go HARD on him because he is family, and it is the thing that can help stabilize the interactions. Also, realize this is a PROCESS--rooting out the abusive attitudes/ behaviors in the abuser/ household. It will take time and professional support for ALL of you. He needs anger management training at the bare minimum.

  Good luck, mrsjones5. I feel for you--and your son. And your husband. Chances are, he would like the drama to stop, too.
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  63

  Label the act for returning to JWism for family only (e.g. Gumby)

  by UnConfused in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  i think it's a deserving act of love to make the sacrifice to rejoin a cult in order to stay connected to your family.

  it's putting your love of your family over so so many things.

  what could we call it so we could easily understand someone's actions who also does this?

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  J-ex-W

  famborging.... that's good