Posts by J-ex-W

27

Should I mention my marital rape to my 18-yr-old son?

by J-ex-W in

first---thank you, lady lee, for providing the articles on rape.

the one on marital rape is especially catching my eye now.

now, the question, and i welcome any serious answers: my boys are all seriously alienated from me by my abusive jw ex-husband, who has physical custody (because of my physical health limitations).

J-ex-W

Wednesday---- I'm afraid I'm still not making myself very clear through this thread...blame it on the emotional distress, I guess.

I already AM out of the marriage, a noncustodial parent who has been gradually squeezed out of my sons' lives by the efforts of my ex and with the support of the WT teachings and his JW extended family. My oldest son is the last one to tell me that he wants nothing to do with me now...and such a big part of me wonders if I SHOULD have said something to the kids a long time ago, to prevent it getting to this point. --And wondering if I should say something NOW [since they're already shunning me, it feels like I have nothing at this point to lose]. Wondering if I should give them something to ponder while they are spending the next umpteen years actively shunning me (and still under the influence of the WT/ my ex/ his family)--even though I expect it would do absolutely nothing positive at this stage.

I'm getting a lot of answers to say nothing, which is interesting, because when I brought up a similar, related thread a week or so ago, the feedback was overwhelmingly in favor of being UP FRONT with the fact--that the kids may be old enough to handle it. [I'm only contemplating telling my 18-yr-old at this point, not his 16- and 12-year-old brothers. Part of me is concerned that saying nothing ensures any grandaughters I may eventually have will be at risk (because he also sexually abused two of his sisters before me).

It's all so confusing!!! ...Plus, damnit, I just wanna see some justice done! [not vigilante justice, but the REAL thing]

43

Age Differences in Relationships Help!

by noontide in

jw
friends

i find myself in a situation that has me very confused.

id like your input on this.

i work for a large company (over 550 employees) and as such, romantic and or sexual relationships between employees tend to develop every once in a while.

J-ex-W

noontide---------- I see nothing wrong with contemplating a relationship under these circumstances. And the 'life experience' thing you've mentioned seems to put you two on fairly equal ground (not identical, but equal). I've dated older and younger, including the 10-year gap. I agree that life experience matters, so does individual maturity level, and individual life goals. I see nothing wrong with exploring those things here. Good luck! At the very least, it can provide a valuable forum for a lot of new social learning.

27

Should I mention my marital rape to my 18-yr-old son?

by J-ex-W in

first---thank you, lady lee, for providing the articles on rape.

the one on marital rape is especially catching my eye now.

now, the question, and i welcome any serious answers: my boys are all seriously alienated from me by my abusive jw ex-husband, who has physical custody (because of my physical health limitations).

J-ex-W

Wednesday-- I'm so sorry for your experience. This is exactly why I have always said to my boys [when they demanded a reason from me why I would divorce their dad and, later, why I would not get back together with him/ them] that there are some things children should never have to hear about their parents and that I will not talk to them about it.

Based on some of the responses on this post, I think my question may have been misinterpreted. I was in no way, shape, or form asking whether I should go into DETAIL with my son (or any of my sons). [--Wednesday, I agree one-hundred percent with what you wrote, and your post confirms my gut response to that idea exponentially.] No...what I meant was, Should I even TELL him that rape/ sexual abuse was one of the reasons for the divorce? My son was demanding an apology for leaving his dad (saying the above). I said I can say I'm sorry for the pain I've caused the kids, but I cannot say I'm sorry for leaving their dad. That signals, officially, the end of all contact in his eyes.

The boys are so dismissive of abuse as being a justifiable reason to leave their dad. And, of course, the WT articles on wifely subjection--comparing Jesus, who subjected himself even to death on a torture stake--only further cement the idea in their heads that nothing a man does to his wife is justifiable grounds for leaving the marriage. Only adultery--or, as my son put it, his being a serial killer.

I'm not saying I'm going to do it. Obviously, I'm torn over the whole scenario, to even be bringing it up here. I'm saying I'm tired of having no recourse as the maligned parent who somehow has to keep her mouth shut even while wondering if doing so would only guarantee her sons following in daddy's big, giant, abusive JW footsteps.

Parental Alienation Syndrome is severe in this case. [I know, 'cause I just read the article someone sent me, and it is our situation to a 'T.'] I just want to know what is a good, wise, beneficial means of fighting PAS when you don't have money to go to court and can't get legal aid because of the limited funds (allocated to custodial parents only).

It seems like the TRUTH is the ONLY thing on my side [the REAL truth, that is; not the JW 'truth']. How can that ever be enough?

Anyway...if answers are still no after knowing I don't mean to reveal DETAIL, just simply state the fact--that is fine with me; I will take all answers under strong advisement. I don't know...maybe even that alone would be enough to adversely affect the boys at whatever age.... See--here's the problem I have: I CARE how my boys are affected in all this. My ex-husband is not so encumbered.

27

Should I mention my marital rape to my 18-yr-old son?

by J-ex-W in

first---thank you, lady lee, for providing the articles on rape.

the one on marital rape is especially catching my eye now.

now, the question, and i welcome any serious answers: my boys are all seriously alienated from me by my abusive jw ex-husband, who has physical custody (because of my physical health limitations).

J-ex-W

First---Thank you, Lady Lee, for providing the articles on rape. The one on marital rape is especially catching my eye now.

Now, the question, and I welcome any serious answers: My boys are all seriously alienated from me by my abusive JW ex-husband, who has physical custody (because of my physical health limitations). My oldest one, the final one now, just a few days ago has made the decision to cut off from me because of his dad's lying influence; and I have always felt like I cannot tell my kids what their dad was doing during the marriage. Rape was only one of the forms of abuse he perpetrated against me back then.

A friend sent me a webpage link about parental alienation syndrome, and I was thinking about sending it in an email to my oldest son. I am also thinking about sending the info Lady Lee has posted about marital rape and male rape (that one outlines responses to rape in general). Any suggestions about the advisability of doing this and what, if anything, I might say? As it is, I don't even know if he would open an email from me.

He has already said that "nothing short of dad being a serial killer could justify my leaving him," and that anything I could say that could seem to justify my leaving could only be a PACK OF LIES.... [with heavy, spitting emphasis]

I have already tried--twice--to get legal aid, but since I am a NON-custodial parent, they do not have funding to extend their volunteer services to me.

I just want to have a healthy, honest relationship with my boys and, if possible, to help them NOT turn out to be...like their dad, in all the wrong ways....

32

50 ways to.........

by ButtLight in

jw
friends

kill your cell phone!!!!!!!!.

what are the chances of dropping your cell into the toilet 3 times?

pretty good for me.

J-ex-W

ButtLightt------------ RFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks, dude. I so needed that!

90

Would you date someone with a history of INCEST?

by kristyann in

jw
friends

hey everyone!

i hope that at least someone missed me or noticed that i was gone!

i have been so busy, and i don't think that i've really been on here since june.

J-ex-W

That depends...victim or perpetrator? Victim--yes, if he has significantly recovered and addressed the subsequent trauma. Perpetrator--never again...(yes, you heard that right----ex-husband---so, never again).

---I am editing now after reading the full post. Kristyann, I would seriously think of walking away from this relationship. He sounds like he has NOT significantly recovered and certainly not adequately addressed the trauma and how it carries over into the current situation. He either is a rape victim in denial or a master manipulator. Either way, it's not going to be an easy road for you if you stay with this man. It's going to be a crazy-making situation for you. You deserve better. Honestly, I'd steer clear, the sooner the better.

I hope I'm not stepping on any toes by giving this advice, but it is how I see it. Good luck in figuring it out.

And BTW, I'd worry less about the cousin thing (DNA is quite distant for anything after first cousins) and worry more about how he characterizes the situation/ events. That part is where alarm bells go off for me.

10

"young ones are leaving" elder admits to a group of us

by ?me? in

jw
friends

just the other day i was working at a hall and an elder commented twice that young people are leaving the org in a large amount.

i thought nothing of it the first time, but he kept up the topic later in the day.huh, i wonder why?

maybe the meetings that have more to do with organizational laws than the bible?

J-ex-W

another point that people are "stealing " literature, namely helping themselves during off hours or when no one is around.

another point he made was that he was "shocked" that there have been numerous occasions that the congregation files had either been broken into, or attempted to be broke into.

i think they have taken the filing cabinet out of our hall, any others? have the elders been told to take the records off site?

That sounds like odd stuff for an elder to be saying, especially since some of these very 'suggestions' were made in jest on a different thread on this site. Are you sure he wasn't putting out some kind of 'feelers' to you about being apostate or participatory on apostate sites? For that matter, about his own lurking for his own reasons...and wanting to come forth with it. Who knows. It just seems awfully coincidental.

8

My dad wants to know if he is the only one that thinks this way......

by Rayvin in

i mentioned in casual convo about a message board where jws that are disappointed w/ treatment etc.. go and share experiences and support each other.

he asks " i wonder really how many people there are out there that feel and think the way i do?

" i try to hold back my grin.

J-ex-W

Does your dad come over to your house without your mom?..You could hook him up at your house..Moms out of the way and your dad could have a bit of fun on the board...OUTLAW

Just be aware that by starting him out on your computer (if you have him register, that is), he will not log in the same way on his own computer at home. I used my laptop to register and then went onsite from my mom's computer during vacation and couldn't participate 'cause the site didn't recognize my mom's computer. I didn't know how to get the site to recognize me as J-ex-W from a different computer. Make sure your dad is not left in a goofy position like this after getting him interested.

79

In Memorandum

by RichieRich in

jw
friends

it was the 14th of april last year that i had to sit my mother down and tell her i was an apostate.. i was closer to her than anyone else.

my father and mother are still married, but he let her raise me as a witness, and that meant it was me and mom.. me and mom in field service for 100 hours in july because she had to make her time as a regular pioneer.. me and mom fighting over what to bring for lunch to the district convention.. me and mom up late at night, when she would berate me, and then unload all her problems on to me.. me and mom and our 4 hour family studies, where we discuss 2 paragraphs of a random book, and then she would browbeat me until early in the morning.. somehow, through all that, i pretended to be a witness for years, just to appease her.

looking back, i don't know if i loved her, or if i was just afraid of her.

J-ex-W

(((((((((((((((((( Richie Rich )))))))))))))))))))

...Good for you for letting it all out--and giving yourself permission to see what you deserve and do NOT deserve through all of this!! My heart goes out to you.... Know you are not alone. I'm sorry for you going through this, even as I'm sorry for me being the mom cut off by JW sons. You deserve your own life and to be happy. And real. You deserve love that is real. We're here for you.

19

Green light on higher education since 1995

by Fatfreek in

---if you believe what oroborus21 (aka -eduardo leaton jr., esq.

) claimed on an earlier thread in a different section.

that statement actually was off topic and that thread is so long i didn't have the patience to wade through and challenge him on it.

J-ex-W

In the nineties there was a softening of the issue of higher education. Publications actually made it a personal and family matter not to be critisized by others. However, the pendulum has since swung the other way and we are pretty much where we were in the sixties and seventies: higher education is evil and anyone persuing it is not spiritual.

I agree with becca1's statement. Just last Sept. 2006, I heard a circuit overseer in his talk say outright, "You won't see one of Jehovah's Witnesses going to a four-year institution...no." --like that was a bad thing ...All about how we are in the last MINUTES of the last days and that time would be put toward the ministry instead, not pursuing higher education and material goals. It was an almost laughing disdain in his voice for the idea of a sensible JW wasting these valuable years in school.