jamiebowers

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Posts by jamiebowers

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  55

  I talked the first time in 20 years to a non-JW and need a divorce...

  by Intel in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  this is very difficult to write (forgive me for any spelling mistake, i am not a native english speaker).. i cannot tell my complete story on this board - i eventually will, once i have broken the last "link in the chain" that has kept me captive to the borg.

  i can't tell my story, because.....basically i will be known.....as a more or less "famous" jw..... i have been lurking this site for many years, wrote here under another name - this eventually was found out and i had to do "damage containment".

  i had to "go back" and tow the party line....all my family (extended and close) are witnesses, all my "friends" and even work & business relationships are jw.

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  jamiebowers

  Aside from building a support system outside the borg, please do the following:

  1. Do not let your wife or any other jw make you feel unworthy of raising your daughter just because you know the truth about "the truth".

  2. Do not just leave the cult and hope your daughter someday asks you why you left. There will be plenty of opportunity to give honest, simple

  answers to her questions as she grows up. The odds are on your side that she will eventually leave as two-thirds of people who were raised

  as jw do.
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  28

  Update on my daughter, Ali.... the saga continues

  by coffee_black in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  ali had an appointment with her dr. yesterday.

  he won't let her return to her job, due to the long hours for her position.

  (45 hours minimum) and the physical lifting that her employer would require.

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  jamiebowers

  Coffee, I'm really wondering if the defibulator/pacemaker device implanted in Ali and my husband is just too big. My husband's device didn't become detatched or flipped, but the neurologist thinks it's pinching a nerve in his neck which is causing pain in his left arm. His first pacemaker was implanted in July 2005, and it wasn't any bigger than a Zippo lighter, (the old fashioned kind). This new device is about the size of a cell phone. He's been in terrible pain since the surgery last December 2nd and not able to lift his left arm above his waist.

  Don't get me wrong; I'm grateful the surgeons were able to keep him alive after being dead for five minutes due to cardiac arrest. But I think something has to be done about either the size of the device or the care after surgery. He complained about the pain in his arm right after the surgery, and now almost six months later they're just getting around to figuring out what he problem is.

  Thankfully he doesn't have any heavy lifting with his job and has been back to work since mid March. I hope Ali adjusts well to being on disability. She's made it through so much so far.
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  33

  The Watchtower Penitentiary

  by stuckinamovement in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  learning the truth about the watchtower society can be very painful for a number of reasons.

  first, it is so disconcerting to realize that the core of your existence and the foundations of your beliefs are false that it can throw you for a real loop.

  as witnesses we are so confident in all of the answers we have been given, to questions that we never asked, that we mentally put ourselves up on a pedestal above the masses of poor, blind, wicked humanity.

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  jamiebowers

  Somebody needs to pay for this. I can't say that I'd be entirely sorry if something happened to the higher ups in Bethel. I think about guys like Jaracz, and Mercante, amongst others, and I get irritated.

  Miz, the higher ups are paying for what they've done and continue to do everytime a jw leaves, goes on with their lives and help others to do the same.
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  29

  Dating after Divorcing a JW...

  by RagingBull in

  1. social
  2. relationships

  any experiences/advice on dating (moving on) after a separation or divorce from a jw?.

  i know that when (not if) i leave the org, my wife will probably separate then divorce me (and we have 3 small children).

  i only know of horror stories when it comes to that type of scenario.

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  jamiebowers

  From my experience of divorcing a dangerously abusive jw husband, my first advice to you is, and yes, I'm screaming these words to you:

  DON'T LET THE BORG OR YOUR BORG TRAINED CONSCIENCE MAKE YOU FEEL UNWORTHY...of marital assets, custody/visitation of your kids, or anything else for that matter.

  From my experience of dating after divorce, my adice to you is similar to SD-7's. Give yourself a chance to heal and figure out what you want from life. This will be very difficult, because you will be mourning the loss of your marriage and experiencing the trauma of leaving the cult.
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  37

  Throw out that debasing music, you sheeple!

  by undercover in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hot off the presses!

  the august awake!

  with an article on music.

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  jamiebowers

  The JW upbringing in me is tugging at my heart now after reading this. I go through this every so often, where it used to be I'd throw all my questionable CD's away, but nowadays I'll delete certain albums and songs off my PC and MP3 player. After seeing this article, I'm getting ready to do another mass deletion. Thanks UC!!!! (sarcastically)

  Why Miz? You live alone, so there's no conflict there. If you stop being guilted about small, silly things, eventually you wil be able to free yourself of the larger issues.
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  33

  The Watchtower Penitentiary

  by stuckinamovement in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  learning the truth about the watchtower society can be very painful for a number of reasons.

  first, it is so disconcerting to realize that the core of your existence and the foundations of your beliefs are false that it can throw you for a real loop.

  as witnesses we are so confident in all of the answers we have been given, to questions that we never asked, that we mentally put ourselves up on a pedestal above the masses of poor, blind, wicked humanity.

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  jamiebowers

  It's hard to adjust to normal life, just like for a prisoner. I'm still enslaved mentally and not quite fully free myself. I still feel the same guilt about so many of the same things.

  SD-7, you know why that is, and you know that only you can change it.
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  27

  Did you ever shun someone close? How did you feel?

  by jean-luc picard in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  how does a jw feel when he "has" to shun someone he likes/loves?.

  during the time i was in, i shunned people.

  but as i didn't like them, it was no problem.. but now, i'm trying to understand how my family might really feel.. (i presume here, of course, that they do "like/love me".).

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  jamiebowers

  Did you ever shun someone close? How did you feel?

  Yes, but I was lucky that she wnted me to shun her, so as not to cause her any problems in getting quickly reinstated.

  But now, I'm trying to understand how my family might REALLY feel.

  In my experience it seems that jws adhere to strict shunning for two reason and sometimes a combination of both:

  1. They really believe it will make you return to the cult.

  2. They have something to be ashamed of, and it's easier to shun so as not to face up to that shame.
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  36

  If you love a woman/man....

  by LouBelle in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i wondered about this as the song by brian adams played....what do you do/say/act if you really love someone.. .

  edited to add: - i ask because some are so idealistic about it and think it's all fairytale stuff.

  others are cynical..

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  jamiebowers

  WOW, Miz, that O.J. stuff was weird! Anyway...for me there aren't premeditated things my husband and I do to show our love. We just click, really, really get each other, and things just happen naturally. I've never felt hesitant to let him see my worst qualities, and he takes them in stride. In the beginning he tried to hide some of his flaws from me, but he gave up those attempts when he realized that I sensed what was going on in his head. It freaked him out a little bit at first, but now he understands what's going on.
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  32

  WITNESSES- WHAT PROOF DO YOU HAVE THAT YOU ARE THE TRUE RELIGION?

  by mrquik in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs
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  jamiebowers

  Go for it, Tim, (Tuesday). I can hardly wait!
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  65

  I walked out of an Elder's Meeting

  by AlmightyDog in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  well here goes... i apologize in advance if this turns into a long and disjointed rant, but i just have to begin typing in order to keep from exploding.

  i realize that what im about to say could seriously jeopardize my anonymity, but i think ive reached the point that i just dont care.

  i want this to be over.. let me explain what caused me to rip up a letter and get up and walk out in the middle of an elders meeting two weekends ago.. our boe has been embroiled in a nasty fight for the past 2 years over a certain brothers business dealings.

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  jamiebowers

  As to the advice to take advantage of the situation and fade, I would if I could. Unfortunately in January of this year I confessed some of my doubts to my wife and she immediately called her parents to come over to "snatch me out of the fire". As I mentioned earlier, my FIL is also an elder on the same body. They believe they have succeeded in bringing me back, but are keeping a hyper-vigilant eye on my "spirituality". A fade is impossible with my current situation, and I just don't think I can continue living a lie. My wife told me back then that she doesn't care if the organization is right or not, she's content to stay and wait on Jehovah because of how much better her mother's life has turned out. She will choose Jehovah over me. I don't want to end an otherwise happy marriage, but conditional love is no love at all. At this point I think I may have a better chance with my children by showing them they don't have to believe in anything just because someone told them they should. I want to be a good father to them and give them the freedom to think for themselves.

  Well, this complicates things a little, but even if you da, your wife can't divorce you per Watchtower rules unless you "spiritually endanger" her. You probably already know that, because you're an elder. And you're right, conditional love is no love at all. I'm so sorry she told you that, but the proof is in the pudding. If you da and she wants to seperate, let her go and see what it's like to be a single sister with children who has no "scriptural grounds" to remarry. Thatvery situation just may wake her up...or maybe not. The key thing is to maintain your rights as a father no matter what happens in the congregation or your marriage.

  Good luck to you. Keep posting.