i'm still me whether the org is a fraud or not.
its too late now to make myself into a different person.
a person is a result of their environment and the way they were brought up.
nelly,
because he needs emotional stability. and thats something i will never be.
i probably should have given him up for adoption. see i had a choice there and of course i screwed it up as usual. he has been the only thing that has kept me going these past few years but that is an unfair and selfish thing. i should be thinking of him and not myself
i'm still me whether the org is a fraud or not.
its too late now to make myself into a different person.
a person is a result of their environment and the way they were brought up.
Refiner,
nah, i only feel better when i lie to myself or try to force myself to believe things that would solve my misery. its stupid. i dont know why the exmormons feel the same way. i cant tell you that. but it merely a coincidence. the real witnesses dont feel this way. i was never good enough to be a real witness. if i had been i would be happy.
flower
i'm still me whether the org is a fraud or not.
its too late now to make myself into a different person.
a person is a result of their environment and the way they were brought up.
right now i cant think of anything. i'm still me whether the org is a fraud or not. its too late now to make myself into a different person. a person is a result of their environment and the way they were brought up. and the way i was brought up made me a miserable shell of a person and thats not going to change. i know thats true although someone may try to dispute it. i've always known it. i'll never be any different.
i think i've been fooling myself into believing something that is probably not true just to have a reason to go on each day. but i have yet to see any solid, concrete evidence to remove the doubts that nag me every day.
i still dont know why i am here. what the heck was the point of bringing something like me into existance? nothing positive has come out of my life from the day i was born. my son? yea right now, until i screw him up so bad that he ends up being something worse than i am. he'd be much better off with someone else. i'm beginning to think that it was just a big mistake, my being born. i was supposed to be a miscarriage or something. i cant think of any other reason for this life. the only other answer is that i have not done what Jehovah requires, not repented for my sins, not returned to him. I never did make it very long without sinning and thats why Jehovah has never been there for me. And now its too late. I've cursed him and told him I hate him and his organization. I've been blatantly sinful and there can be no forgiveness. It would take more than I have to gain Jehovahs approval. I've never had it in me thats why my life has been so miserable. I blame it on the org and the fam but I know its me. I tried to believe this stuff because it gave me a reason I could change and be happy. But even if it were true, which I cant prove, I know I would still be the same. I'll never be happy. And I feel sorry for my son. He doesnt deserve this.
flower
i grew up around truth.
i joined the ministry school when i was 8. i was babtised in 1979 and was disfellowshipped in 1990. i was reinstated in 1992. i was not disfellowshipped for being unrepentant, i was disfellowshipped for "a pattern".
i was reinstated and began to follow the organizationa and direction of the elders.
Jay,
Geez, I could have written that! I cant get over how alone I felt thinking I was the only one going through those feelings and experiences and here are other people saying the same exact thing. You are right, its really sick the power the elders have to destroy peoples lives.
flower
You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.
i understand it but at the same time i dont understand it because i was born and raised a jw so i was always in their mindset.
but how does someone who comes from the world and joins the org justify going against every natural instict they have?
i mean its just unnatural to turn against your own flesh and blood.
i understand it but at the same time i dont understand it because i was born and raised a JW so i was always in their mindset. but how does someone who comes from the world and joins the org justify going against every natural instict they have? i mean its just unnatural to turn against your own flesh and blood. its unnatural to have a best friend for 10, 20, 30, years or more and then cut them off from your life forever because they commit some kind of "sin". as witnesses, they say 'we are all imperfect and fall short of the mark' but if you fall short of the mark you are thrown away like trash. i've never brought anyone into the truth so i cant understand the thinking of someone who joins as an adult. how do you justify in your mind turning into this kind of person? i just dont get it. i mean dont you question these rules at first? and are the answers they give really enough to satisfy you and make you start behaving in such an unnatural way? i know its easy for me to say this now, but i dont think i would ever have become a witness as an adult. just a few scriptures in the bible are supposed to make me treat other human beings like shit? i dont think so.
flower
You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.
well, this is really my 3rd post, but my first here i am thread.
oh yea, my name is neil.
many of you might recognize me as andi or billygoats boyfriend.
i've often wondered if there is any chance of meeting someone who will fall in love with and care for me what with all the emotional baggage i carry from my twisted past. nice to know there's hope.
welcome
flower
james 1:5-8.
"so, if any one of you is lacking in wisdom, let him keep on asking god, for he gives generously to all and without reproaching; and it will be given him.
but let him keep on asking in faith, not doubting at all, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven by the wind and blown about.
Outlaw,
wonderful post. i've made that point to yoyo before but he conveniently runs out of scriptures when its time to answer that one. i pity him really but like you said the more he posts the clearer things get for those who maybe thinking of joining this wicked cult.
flower
lots of posts lately about oral sex.
natural or perverted?
normal or disgusting stuff?
adult board discussion if ever i saw one.
that is the question of the day.
i never thought i would say this but it was almost a safe, comfort, to be able to define myself as an df'd exjw who is just muddling through life until the new system comes and destroys me along with all the other wicked people.
its just who i was ya know?
so who am i now? that is the question of the day. i never thought i would say this but it was almost a safe, comfort, to be able to define myself as an df'd exjw who is just muddling through life until the new system comes and destroys me along with all the other wicked people. its just who i was ya know? i know it sounds crazy but at least i was somebody. now who am i? my identity has been stolen. my reason for being the depressed, sad person that i am and have always been is gone. i feel free and yet confused. who am i now?
can i really think for myself now? without being afraid of divine retribution? is it really safe to release all those teachings. its so overwhelming to belive that all the garbage that was 'the truth' is nothing but a pack of lies. distorted, twisted lies and ideas from a bunch of HUMANS. not GOD. the concept was so far-fetched when i was in. To actually question whether what was printed in the literature was written under Gods direction would have been something so unbelievable. i guess it would have been easier for someone who came into the org as an adult. but when you are born in you know that questioning anything that is in the societys literature is just not something that is done. those silly enough to even attempt such a thing are made enough of an example that others wouldnt even think of doing it. and now we know why that is. questions lead to answers and answers lead people out of the org.
anyway, i've gone way off track here. i feel so free. free to think for myself. and free to become some kind of a real person. i just dont know who that is. i dont have to be angry or anxious or depressed anymore and those were my most definative personality traits. i actually caught myself smiling as i was driving along today. i had thought of something i might want to go to school for and i was smiling to myself thinking 'ya know, i think i might actually be good at that and be able to make a real career out of it'. it made me happy to think that i could be successful at something. thats the first time i ever had a thought like that.
i have no idea who i am now but i think i'm gonna like me.
flower :)
do you ever feel like that?.
i,ve just attended my own funeral, well it might as well have been .. i'm now nonexistant in my former friends eyes.. they have to stay away , i'm a danger to them.. so i can now count on one hand how many friends i have 2 , including my wife.. the other friend has also left the truth but i dont see him much as he lives in another town .. so since i work on my own i'm going to be pretty lonely for a while .. no more weekends down the pub or staying down anyones house.. i wonder whats on telly.. er nothing..oh crap.. well there always next door cat i wonder if hes good at conversation..here kitty , kitty.
Sleepy,
i know this doesnt help but just know that when i was df'd i didnt have a wife or a friend or anyone. just me. i worked full time and then went home to an empty apt and saw and spoke to no one during the weekends, holidays, or vacations except the occasional bank teller or mcdonalds employee.
you will make friends..true friends.
enjoy your trip
flower
