Sounds like you have every reason to be on that rollercoaster ride. Life certainly has it's ups & downs. For some blessed reason, it seems that too often for all the bad we experience in life, there always seems to be a positive outcome. And sometimes the negative things we experience can be seen in a positive way too. Of course some of the awful things you mentioned, we can't imagine what positive effect or outcome it can have for us. Maybe not always for us, but for others.
Thanks for sharing with us your emotions. Maybe from here on out you'll have a brighter future? Let's hope!
Luv Ya!
LINDA