Hey DS. I am so sorry about your situation. It makes me want to scream. I too just lost my favorite Aunt. I flew to her funeral and cousins I had not been exposed to were fabulous to me, asked me to make a reading during the mass and it was way better then any JW borg commercial funeral I've been to. I think a nice reply to your parents via mail to explain how much you loved your uncle, anecdotal stuff, how sad that they choose to shun you at a time you need support and closure. Jesus NEVER shunned ANYONE, and to treat you so disrepectfully in front of your children and husband is unchristian and ungodly. Tell them you will never treat them in this manner and you forgive this choice that they made. (even if you don't...rub it in).
I really am sorry but this is just too mean.