wow, ok... (this is long, just started writing cause i guess things lead up to this point from a young age, sorry)
Father was a PO. He was also abusive. my mom did nothing about it. It seems like his dad may have been worse, so I guess he just didn't know any better. But it still hurt. it was because of him I wanted to really leave to begin with... because of that scripture that states, "by this all you will know you are my disciples, if you have love among yourselves." I was told that meant the society as a whole. which made sense to me, so I didn't leave. I used to dream that jehovah was just holding me. That's all that i wanted...
As a teenager, I was severely depressed. I just wanted to feel loved. I was always a cute, outgoing person. Not a lot of people would ever think this about me. My family new. They did nothing. my mother thought if I were to see a physichitrist, it would do more harm then good. I pushed those close to me away. I didn't want them near me. i didn't trust them. I Iooked at them like they wern't trying to help me. My mom would leave me alone cause she thought that was what i wanted. she tried to do right by me, she know something was wrong, she just didn't know what to do and I didn't make it easy.
My dad, I think always thought I wasn't to smart. Had something wired wrong about the way in which I process information. the doctors didn't say I was dumb, i could have been very bright, I just processed information differently. My dad never know how to deal with me or figure me out. I always wanted to be accepted by him, so I was always very driven workwise. I do well in business. I have a passion for it. In some ways, I'm a lot like my father. We get along just fine now. I smile everytime he calls me asking questions.
Married twice. first marriage was very abusive. he wasn't baptised. i was told it was partly my fault because the holy spirit wasn't with us. Another elder cried. got a scriptual divorce, restraining order, federal case against him. Even though he had a case against him, he moved to another hall and they let him get baptised. I tried to warn them, had tons of meetings with elders from multiple halls telling in detail what he did. I begged and pleaded that they wouldn't do this. I don't know why they let him get baptised as he had this case still against him pending. One elder was so mad that he said that they would have to answer to Jehovah for what they did.
Anyways, it was never that I started to question. I always did, certain things didn't make sense to me since I was young. but, there were only so many things that I questioned because I simply did not know all the things that I have come to know. also, other things did make sense, so I defended it.
I started to pioneer so I could get my questions answered. I didn't have anything necessarily against the society, just things I didn't understand and was waiting to be worked out. I researched the "questions from readers". That was probably my biggest stumbling block. I really started reading the bible and comparing things to there original language. Questions piled over one on top of the other.
then i read 2 Pe. 2:1 where it talks about false teachers... that kind of did it in for me. I could no longer excuse everything away. Before, people would say the society was false prophets, but i thought they just misinterpreted scriptures. whenever I read this scripture and realized that they were also warning about false teachers, everything in an instant came crashing down cause I already knew so much but just always justified it stating that they "misinterpreted" scriptures by accident...
Then I was just plain pissed. i went through hell defending the org, not going to authorities earlier because i didn't want to "put a bad light on Jehovah's organization", etc, etc.
Everyone was kind of shocked at how enthusiastic I was on this board. I wasn't. I was mad as hell...
