First of all, stop beating yourself up. You are having NORMAL feelings to an ABNORMAL situation. You are not alone. There is nothing wrong with you. Your range of feelings right now are totally NORMAL and they will, eventually, pass. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Get help there, seriously. DO NOT take such drastic action. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
You haven't actually done anything wrong at this point, certainly nothing worthy of judicial action. Having doubts is not a disfellowshipping offence. If elders want to talk, you can then play the "Oh, no, she misunderstood me," and "I am dealing with depression" card. That will probably not lead to judicial action, especially if you say that you're taking it to Jehovah in prayer and you want to do the right thing, etc. etc. That will keep a roof over your head and buy you time to figure out where to go.
Let me add--there is no wrong way to leave a cult. I think Steven Hassan said that and it brought me enormous comfort when I was going through your situation. And you're young--you have your whole life in front of you, free from all of the false hopes that would otherwise drag you down.