Hey Axelspeed...
Welcome to the board!!!
I read your touching post and remembered what a conundrum it is to be at the beginning of this thing. The thing is the inevitable exit. It feels like such a puzzle and the mind races trying to sort it out and trying not to make yet another mistake...
If it helps... it does get clearer... time works it's wonders and things do get sorted out... You seem pretty clear on the problems and how they make you feel and you see the results all around you... and yes, the affection for your fellow jw's is important... helping them is important..
One thing I had to come to grips with was do I continue being unhappy and unfulfilled helping my friends, or do I get happy and fulfilled and then help them when they don't want to listen... Both are hard roads, both come with sacrifice and reward... It's up to you how to proceed from this point...
From my personal experience exiting... those that are ready to hear will listen, those that aren't won't, no matter what you do....family, friends included....so staying miserable doesn't really make sense, moving forward does... there is no comfort like living with integrity, your own that is, not some copy from an organization that has lost sight of the value of personal integrity... it can't be dictated to you, you have to learn to live it, as it comes, day by day, lesson by lesson... life is a great teacher too.
I have been out for over 4 years now... and I must say, the experience, though difficult has been very rewarding... to be able to make up my own mind about my "faith" and what is important to me empowers me, makes me strong... to search out information and find out the things I want to know about is also great, it's a journey and one I wouldn't turn my back on... I've learned so much about religion and faith, the real world around me and more importantly, about myself, and found there is so much more to learn... I've discovered myself, learned some of my strengths and exposed some of my weaknesses... but I am free to do it without the constraints of WT conformity on me, or any other religious constraints for that matter... and I must say, I prefer it this way.
Sometimes you have to let go of something to get something... and this may be what you are dealing with right now. It's not easy, either road isn't easy, but in the next few days, the next few weeks and months your thoughts will clear more and you will know more about what you want to do and how you will do it... For me, it was very stressful at first, but in the end I couldn't deny that I was living a lie....the WT lie and I couldn't do it anymore.... losing friends and being outcast didn't weigh as highly in the balance as not living true to myself... Likewise, you will make your decisions... the consequences will follow as they naturally do and you will have to deal with them....
It won't be easy, but you will have friends, people who know what your going through, right here on this board.
Your welcome to email me, mine is open... and your in great company here... so many here have been through similar situations... they have been a help to me and I'm sure they will be of help to you...
Remember to take care of yourself, emotionally and physically... take your time... you don't need to rush...
I wish you the best...
a new friend...
Inq :)
