You may not have much option about meeting with the Elders, they can be difficult to put off. Strongly consider getting some mental health counseling, it's out there and it cannot only be helpful it may be able to point you to useful resources. Also, if you are receiving counseling it may put some constraints on the Elders that are dealing with you, they don't like getting into those kinds of issues. Do not tell anyone you are going to get counseling before you start it. Call the Suicide Help line even if you are not feeling suicidal, make sure you let your Mother know you called after the fact, it could back her off some. Reading Crisis of Conscience by Franz is an excellent suggestion because it will give you a real frame of reference to back up the other things you have learned and will learn.. His second book is also good but a bit heavy.
If you want to stay at home for a while you're going to need to be
crafty. Remember YOU DO NOT NEED TO PLAY BY THEIR RULES! Tell them you
read about this stuff because a coworker told you about it. Tell them
you are depressed, confused and troubled. Tell them you don't know how
all these things can be. Tell them you need help. Ask for their help!
Tell them you feel lost. Tell them you think you need a Bible Study.
Make all the right sounds, appear to make all the right moves and slowly
but steadily prepare yourself for separation. Get your finances under
control, develop a plan and a schedule. When you do move out make sure
you end up in another Congregation's territory because it will be much
easier to fade there than in your current Congregation.
Your
alternative is to make a clean break now through confrontation and
defiance which will be more painful, have more impact on your family
relationship, at least in the short term, but will also be of shorter
duration. It doesn't sound to me like you are currently prepared to make
a clean break but it is certainly entirely your decision, the first of
many decisions you will make on the road to freedom. Remember, remember,
remember DO NOT PLAY BY THEIR RULES! You owe them nothing.
Yes, I used to be an Elder so I know how this works.