i have been reading post on this forum for many months and i wanted to thank you all for all the great posts and comments that have really helped me get through this hard year of fading.
my husband and i where born in jdubs and almost 1 year ago we started to fade , now that we think about it has been a few years that we were suffering from cognitive dissonance without knowing it.
we feel that finally we have our life back , a life that is just starting.
Hi and Welcome.
We're all family here, quirks and foibles but there is also genuine love and acceptance. Congratulations on really living the rest of your lives the way you wish to.
BTW, I actually had to laugh when I read that your family paid money to find out what websites you were visiting. Poor things. They really need to get a life.
Cheers!
Adiva
thank you to the many people who have posted their experiences and advice on this site!
i have browsed a few topics but the threads that i seem to gravitate to the most deal with family.
there is certainly a lot that i can relate to in many of the anecdotes i have read.
Parents are authority figures and the jw stuff makes them even more so, especially in their own eyes.
I have issues with my mother although on reflection I wonder if it's more a mother/daughter thing. I need her to see me as a fully functioning, successful adult and I feel as though she sees me as less than that because of I walked away from the 'truth'. We bristle, and sometimes clash because (I think) she feels I should simply obey her absolutely just because she's my mother.
It's complicated.
Adiva
what does everyone think, is dating avenues really that big of a deal?
i have been told by everyone on my congregation to not trust online dating.
especially if this is supposed to be the "truth".
Hi there.
In your post you spoke of the sister who said talked about how her husband was all spiritual goal oriented, a pioneer, etc. Is that really what any woman is looking for? C'mon.
My brother is that type of jw man, in fact his wife often remarked about how spiritual her husband was. By the way, she was his second wife. They're divorced now. A spiritual man (in jw-speak) is not necessarily a good man, or more importantly, good husband material.
Bottom line, decide what You want, not what some organization tells you is what you should be looking for in a mate. You know yourself better than they do.
Adiva
background: i joined the jws when i was 21, left about 11 years ago.. up until recently, i had never been in a relationship that went longer than a few months.
and that was just one.. i've been with my current for the past 3.5 years.
she's, just, okay.. i've never felt like, oh, i love her so much.
Hi Fresh Prince.
My thinking is more along the line of LouBelle. I don't believe in settling for something that doesn't make me happy. Actually, I expect to be thrilled, excited, panting with anticipation. I deserve the best love that there is!
It's like when my husband and I are at a restaurant and he want's me to try something. I ask him if it's good. He say's 'it's not bad'. I tell him that if I'm going to eat something (or have it in my life), it had better be more than 'not bad'. Relationships, food, clothing, anything. I want the best that I can get. I deserve it!
Adiva
hey guys, sorry i haven't written in so long.
most of you won't remember me but i have been more active on an ex-jw facebook page than i have been here.
my mother just tried to put me through another guilt trip (yeah those are great).
Hi Clarity.
Once you start looking for exjw pages on facebook, you'll find a whole bunch of 'em. Enjoy!
Adiva
that's how i feel when i see these crazy new wt study articles and the inane reasoning contained therein, and the indoctrination machines of meetings run by all those little hardened human cogs and the unending stream of propaganda we're pitched up against.
.. you could spend all your time working through those wt articles (see cedar's post on the latest 'new light') and refuting the stupidity, and yet most witnesses aren't even concerned with changes to the fds or 144 000 because like all of humanity they're too busy trying to scratch a living as it is.
such airy doctrine changes don't have any effect on their day to day lives and is thus irrelevant.
I love the last paragraph of your so called rant. It describes the anguish many feel when stepping away from the borg.
When I was breaking away, in a mental health facility after trying to off myself yet again, my father spoke (via phone) to my psychiatrist and told him that my problem was 'a spiritual one'. He has no idea how right he was. My spirit was dying in that organization. Now that I have reclaimed it, I can so much more easily have a relationship with Divinity, communing freely and as often as I desire.
I wish you much joy in your explorations and am expecting the best possible outcome for you and your spouse.
Adiva
i am visiting this site for quite some time now and now i think it is time to tell something about me and my experience.
without giving away my name (i am in "fade mode"): i am from the small country they call the netherlands, the land of wooden shoes, tulips, cheese and too many inhabitants per square meter.
i am married with children and a second generation jw.
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm very happy you've made peace with yourself. Amazing how that happens when you step away from the society.
Adiva
family getting you down?
treating you nasty on this, their 'holy week' of the year?
remember, you have overcome, your mind is free, and things can only get better!
Oh, that made me smile and got my toes a-tapping. Thank you!
Adiva
it has been a year now since the big breakdown in which i lost my belief system and almost lost my marriage too.
i now look back and realize how close i came to completely losing my mind.
all the evidence proves to me beyond a shadow of any possible doubt that i have been raised in a cult and that every single decision or indecision has been directly influenced from this fanatical belief system.
Awesome. You made my soul sing.
Adiva
about 15 of 'us' - all but one a former jw, and most either familiar with this board or currently posters here - attended the play in the chicago theater district last night.
what a hoot!
according to the geniuses [the same guys who did south park] who were behind the production, it targetted mormons on the way to poking fun at all religious delusion.. it was a great play, great actors, and wonderful props.
Good being with you folks yesterday AK and wife, Zed and OTWO. Nice of you guys to walk me to the parking lot afterward.
Look forward to seeing you all again. Hasa Diga Eebowai! (Maybe that's how we should greet each other going forward.)
Adiva
