Posts by chigaimasmaro

14

Did you suffer from self hatred in the borg?

by highdose in

jw
friends

iwill be the first to say that i did.

not surprising considering how they treated me all my life.

i had conseling for it ( wordly counselor) but between us neither one could work out where this issue came from.

chigaimasmaro

Designs - it was tough for me to mention to my counselor that i was a JW, because to me, i didnt want to bring any disrespect to the organization. Fortunately, before my first I got in touch with my sister who told me to mention it because it would help immensly. Which it did... but i understand why people don't say which religious organization they are affliated with.

I experienced a lot of self-esteem issues, not really self-hatred. There were so many contradictory messages going on, that I was confused as to what or how i was doing and when i would see the numbers other people put in at preaching and stuff, i just felt that i could never measure up. On the one hand they say, dont measure yourself up to anyone, but then they bring up people to interview about how they are pioneering like crazy and then the speaker will say "See, be like THIS person." I was a great reader, but terrible at giving talks, so i didnt "progress" as fast as the good speakers who were given other assignments. Especially when i was younger, because of physical ailments, i couldnt preach as much, but i would STILL get counseled that since i was young, I should be preaching more. The standard was SO high, and my self-esteem took a beaten a lot.

Its funny, how other people joyous say "Hey, I'm Catholic" or "I believe in the rat demon god Guido." Yet Witnesses cant be that out spoken because you have to provide answer to so many of the questionable teachings and standards that you hold yourself up against. I know many times when i had to explain my beliefs, i felt like an idiot , cause most of them wouldnt sound right, so i would have to do what Poopsiecakes did, buried myself in the literature and meetings.

63

Are Any Of You Afraid of Dying At Armageddon?

by minimus in

jw
friends

i'm not but i know some jws that have drifted but when things like 9/11 catastrophes occur, they're right back at the kingdom hall.. do you ever worry that the great tribulation might occur and you will die?.

chigaimasmaro

I agree with Dandingus' view, ... well with counseling I'm NOW able to agree with that view, when my doubts started to arise, i was sincerely afriad of dying at Armageddon. I would take walks thinking about that. But it didnt logically make sense, why would ONLY those would were JWs survive, when supposedly Christ died for EVERYONE?

So now, its just a view to doing my best as a person, if god doesnt deem me worthly of saving, at least "I" know i did my best and thats all that matters.

24

So.....do you or don't you want them to come after you?

by Quillsky in

jw
friends

i've noticed an interesting dichotomy in these discussions.

as a starting point, i understand that we are all different --- there is no "we" here except that we have all been, or been involved with, jw's.

but this is interesting..... some people complain about being "hounded" by elders and shepherding calls and previous "friends" and so on.

chigaimasmaro

I want them to come after me, but I dont want to just hear the same thing, "keeping up service, making meetings." Those things dont solve problems, its that kind of counsel that continually pushes me away from the organization and my family.

I'd love to just sit an elder down and just talk to him honestly, doubts and all, same with my older brother, but I know, instead of coming from the perspective of just being a loving human or family member, they are going to use the organizationally approved version of "love" and its what drives me away from them. You are expecting to see that Christ-like LOVE that you heard so much about when you want to talk with them, but you dont get that, you hear how you not being spiritually productive enough and coming to the meetings and preaching will fix all that.

33

Difference between "raised in the truth" and "converts" that are now X-JWs.

by Brocephus in

jw
friends

i am noticing a difference..... "raised in's" seem to be a little more relaxed and better suited for their world after the kh.

"converts" seem to be a little disoriented.

maybe b/c they saw the truth as away out of this crazy world only to be massive dissapointed.

chigaimasmaro

Cry - If you are a born-in, you go back to what is 'evil'.

Bingo, you hit the nail right on the head. If its not JW approved, its "evil" and that goes for most things in "the world". So if one awakens and realize that the organization they were in was corrupt and the only recourse is to join a world thats "evil" you are nothing but a jumbled mess at times. Even though things eventually get sorted out, every day at every meeting you were soon how terrible and bitter everything is, to have to escape from the JW organization to what seems like an even worse situation (the evil and supposedly morally corrupt world) is very mentally damaging.

33

Difference between "raised in the truth" and "converts" that are now X-JWs.

by Brocephus in

jw
friends

i am noticing a difference..... "raised in's" seem to be a little more relaxed and better suited for their world after the kh.

"converts" seem to be a little disoriented.

maybe b/c they saw the truth as away out of this crazy world only to be massive dissapointed.

chigaimasmaro

LeavingWT - So, IMHO, a born-in who was super zealous with WT may have a very difficult time making the adjustment. Everything post-WT is foreign to them.

Outlaw - Now you have to learn how the real world works..Something most people do,growing up..

These statements ring very true in my case. Being a born-in for so many years, the real world doesnt feel strange, its euphorically new. Sometimes I tell the counselor that the stuff I go through on a daily basis now that I decided to fade away from the congregation makes me feel very child-like every now and again, even though I'm 32 years old. But when you are not allowed to think for yourself and your decisions are made for you from youth up, adjusting to the real world... its not easy when you have to do that while trying to live at the same speed that the majority of people are already used to. I think if a person isnt careful, it could lead to being very self destructive or isolating themselves because the learning curve from a born-in to being in the real world is steep and sometimes frightening.

47

Back. and seeking ideas for screwing over the memorial

by Sirona in

jw
friends

ok. me and friends are going to attend a memorial on 30 march.. what would be the best way to get our message across?.

should we just throw a hundred flyers into the hall in the middle of the memorial?.

should we drink the wine and eat all the bread and then stand up and say something?.

chigaimasmaro

I dont think you should do anything disrespectful, you're going to give them MORE AMMO to their "see how bad worldly people act" line of thinking. I remember having to be an attendent at a couple district assemblies and it was just a bother. I was already set in a mode of not listening, so even if you had a bullhorn and was shouting loud enough for the people across the globe to hear you, I wouldnt be listening.. more like just saying "Yeah yeah, scurry along now... i'd like to go sit and nap some more."

Should spend that night rejoicing in the fact that you have the freeness of mind to enjoy the life that is set before you.

24

QFR: Should marriages be arranged for true Christians in the congregation?

by sd-7 in

jw
friends

in many cultures, arranged marriages are a common practice.

often this involves the parents of both parties making specific arrangements for their children to marry upon reaching a certain age.

sometimes there is money or property given to the parents of the bride as compensation for the loss of her efforts in the household.

chigaimasmaro

WOW! That was great! I swear someone is going to find that post and put in the next revision of the Organized book!

Great stuff! SO close to what the WT articles are like its scary.

30

Sitting on the Fence....to believe or not to believe, that is my dilemma.

by tootie in

jw
friends

i was raised by a "strong" jw single mother.

she was very very strict but i loved her then and always will.

after the death of my mother i waivered back and forth with my spirituality only because this was my first chance of "freedom" and being in the world to do things that i never really got to do.

chigaimasmaro

Welcome Tootie. I too was born-in to the organization. The hardest part I think you face is seperating the emotional responses from actual fact. Thats what help me the most to come to my own decision to fade from the congregation. When I started to just fact check things that just felt so "right", thats when the house of cards started to come apart. Reaching for unobtainable standards, the supposed shedding of new light (this was a big one for me, because with all the prophecies regarding Jesus, they were added to, the base or foundation of his initial earthly appearance never changed. Prophets added NEW information like which family line he decended from and which city he would be born into, unlike the "new light" we get now which is FOUNDATIONAL doctrine changes on a regular basis), the constant feeling of unhappiness and other things, when held up to reality became the game changer for me.

You may or may not have experienced this yourself, but for a LONG time I was TOLD how to think, feel and act, from my sincere parents who raised me in the organization. I wasn't allowed to discover things on my own. Even though the bible says to test the teachings you're given to make sure they are true, the organization spends a lot of its resources to keep you from doing JUST THAT.. Give yourself time, and really just start putting the teaching to the light of reality and fact, the gold-like film will start to peel away from the dish and you may find the original tarnished copper that was hidden underneath.

I'm sure there are many sincere and wonderful people within the organization, but just like a corrupt corporation with dedicated and hard working employees, you often find corrupt CEO's at the top handing down very controlling and demaning policies. Thats what the Watchtower organization is like in my view.

7

Therapists are for other people, not me or you. (Reconsidering the EAP.)

by Open mind in

jw
friends

is that how you've perceived therapists and counselors?.

btw, i apologize in advance for those who are currently unemployed.

this thread will not do you any good unless you are able to get a job with an employee assistance program (eap).

chigaimasmaro

Open Mind - thats what I'm using to counseling for myself. Its been a great benefit to me, my sanity and my wallet. Mine is eight free sessions per year and if more is counseling is needed, i can be referred to any other type of counseling (even the super expensive ones) for a severely reduced rate. If someone needs it and their job makes it available i definitely recommend it.

31

DESTROYING the Individual: the goal of Watchtower Authority

by Terry in

jw
friends

the governing body wants to disable individuality.

individuality is evidenced by self-expression.

no self...no expression of self.. personal desire leads to expression of personal desire.

chigaimasmaro

Terry - SPOT ON with this post. The organization ALWAYS felt like a corporate drone hive connected at different levels to the brain trust that is in New York. Self-expression as a simple beard , even though it was used HEAVILY in ancient times by christian and jews alike, its STILL wrong to do so in the congregation, not because each individual chose to do so, but because a policy was handed down from the top. There's no such thing as free-will and personal decision making in an organization that says unless you follow all these absolute rules perfectly you're not "good".

asphereisnotacircle - OH MY WORD!! You read my mind!!! I took that personality test one time for work and it was one of the worse feelings in the world. To feel so empty and blank.. just a cog for a business entity to use.

SirNose586 - You won't believe how many times I've gotten into arguments with my brother about counting numbers and being marked present at the kingdom hall. Those have to be the ONLY markers of spirituality in the organization. Not you trying to be a good person, or helping friends in your neighborhood, its how many hours you put in preaching and how many meetings you didnt miss.