Posts by dandingus

35

How Much are Your Conditional Friends Worth?

by leavingwt in

jw
friends

upon learning that wt was not "god's organization", i was devastated.

for two decades i had spent valuable time building friendships, mostly with jws.

during my stay at bethel, i made many fine friends, some of them very close.

dandingus

miseryloveselders - Loved your post. Thanks for sharing. Seemed like reading it was recounting alot of my life from years ago and I'm sure many would agree.

This religion man, it just............words don't describe some days.

Couldn't have said it any better. Anyone who has never been a Witness can never fully appreciate what it's like. Even the stories don't do justice to all the subtle things you go through, the shades of meaning behind everyone's actions and words, the paranoia and superstitions about demons, spirits, apostates, disfellowshipped people (the list goes on), the guilt trips, and the hard work we all put forth seemingly for nothing at times. Words truly can't convey the full import and impact to the people who live it.

I'm kind of an odd man out due to my age. Other guys in the Hall are married and older, and the younger guys in there are too young for me to relate to all that well.

I was in this position in my hall growing up as well. What was worse is that growing up in my old congregation there were pleanty of kids my age, but I was the only male. So you can guess who I couldn't spend any time with even though they were right there and all hung out with each other. And of course, you can't have friends in school, or anywhere else. Needless to say I was socially awkward well into my twenties. It's sad really...

Then there are other friends who just use you. They need a ride here, or there. They need help moving, ...

I think we've all had a few of these in our lives at some point or another.

Once again, thanks for sharing. I know it's not easy with your family situation complicating matters for you. My brief advice is to do what you think is right for you, and what you think you can handle. If you really want to leave, I hope you find the courage to do so. If you want to stay because of your family there are those around who might label you "coward", but I certainly am not one of them. The life you are leading is a very difficult road. I only wonder how long you can hang on to doing that before your strength gives out, or something happens that just pushes you over the edge so that you just can't take it anymore. Either way, you my empathy and my respect.

26

The reporting of field service time

by lepermessiah in

jw
friends

were any of you really bothered/still bothered by the practice of field service reporting?.

there was an old post on here that got me thinking how the practice got started.. instead of simply being a tool to monitor the progress of the faith, or to see if the work was done "throughout the earth", it appears to me that it was just a tool used to keep the presses rolling and to see how much literature to produce - along with controlling the rank and file.

the average jw gives it no thought, its just another "blessing" from the organization when you hear the monthly reports, etc.. the organization is so statistics-driven that they make jesus out to be a ceo with people who need to meet their sales quotas.i'm sure he really wouldnt care if peter and andrew got 20 hours one month and john got 25. wait, maybe thats why john was "beloved" .

dandingus

dissed - You got it. That's exactly what I was talking about.

26

The reporting of field service time

by lepermessiah in

jw
friends

were any of you really bothered/still bothered by the practice of field service reporting?.

there was an old post on here that got me thinking how the practice got started.. instead of simply being a tool to monitor the progress of the faith, or to see if the work was done "throughout the earth", it appears to me that it was just a tool used to keep the presses rolling and to see how much literature to produce - along with controlling the rank and file.

the average jw gives it no thought, its just another "blessing" from the organization when you hear the monthly reports, etc.. the organization is so statistics-driven that they make jesus out to be a ceo with people who need to meet their sales quotas.i'm sure he really wouldnt care if peter and andrew got 20 hours one month and john got 25. wait, maybe thats why john was "beloved" .

dandingus

I was a pioneer for years, and I can tell you that a lot of pioneers struggled to meet the quotas, myself included. I can honestly say that I never fudged my time, ever. But it certainly did put pressure on you. Because you knew if you missed a month the elders were definitely watching and would soon approach you about it under the guise of wanting to help you meet your pledged amount.

Of course, I was what many would call an "uber" witness, so I was happy to "do more". I always liked talking to people and trying to show them how the bible could help them with their problems. Often I wouldn't even take literature to the door, just my bible. I was the exception here of course, since most publishers just focused on selling I mean placing literature.

But I often felt that a lot of the time we were focusing on quantity rather than quality. We (I'm including myself here because I was guilty too at times) were so focused on meeting an hourly quota that half the time we were looking for "shortcuts". I know a lot of publishers and pioneers alike that loved to be in elder so-and-so's car group because he would do his own return visits all morning and they/we could just go along for the ride. It's sad really. We were supposed to be helping people. Or so I thought at the time...

20

JW boy and 'worldly' girl - love torn in two

by nekoreichan in

hey everyone, .

i have a question about being in a relationship with a jw boy.. we were friends since the beginning of our senior year in high school.

i called him oniichan ( older brother in japanese) so it'll just be for fun.

dandingus

nekoreichan I feel for you very much in your situation.

I have been out for 5 years, and there are members of my family who will not speak to me. What is more, the girl I loved is still a Witness and there are days when this is hard for me. She's married someone else now. And although I'm out, I still think back to my days as a Witness and the time we spent together and there are a lot of things I miss. So I understand your pain and uncertainty. I think you'll find that a lot of people here do.

Black Sheep suggested:

My advice would be to run away.

And for a lot of reasons I can see his point, but with someone you truly love, this may not be an option you're willing to accept. However, as you seem to already know there are only a few things that can happen at this point:

1) You can become a Jehovah's Witness and be with him. This is not the recommended option, but it is a path that is open to you. But if you do this they will require much and give little or nothing back. Of course, the two of you can be together and he can keep in touch with his family, but the price is probably too high. I know you won't find many (if anyone) on this forum that would recommend doing this, and for a myriad of very good reasons.

2) He will have to leave the organization. In this scenario, you get your own place and he can come to live with you as you suggested. The two of you can be together and possibly very happy, but you will have to help him a great deal. This will ask him not only to abandon his faith (if he truly believes it), but also his family because if he leaves they will not speak to him again. (Unless of course, they were to leave as well at some point.) This can be emotionally impossible to deal with for some. Others can overcome it, but not without help. He will be confused and angry at times and will most likely miss them very much. There is even a chance that if he does leave and loses his family that a part of him may blame you for it. Not saying that will happen, but you need to prepare yourself for this. Make sure that he always knows that you love him no matter what and will always do whatever you can to help him deal with the emotional turmoil that WILL come from this choice in life. I have an understanding girlfriend who is still trying to help my through this. We've been together for 4 years and although we are usually happy, there are days when I just want to cry. She knows this and recognizes it when she sees it and just tries to be as supportive as possible. But my girlfriend has consciously made that choice, even though that's a lot to ask of someone. This will likely end up being an emotional roller-coaster for the two of you at least a part of the time. Are you sure this is what you want? If so, you have all of our blessing.

3) He will stay where he is and so will you. In this scenario, the church has come between you and nothing you do will change it. Just remember, this is not your fault. In fact, it's not really even his fault. The Witnesses are the ones that have drawn the line, demanding things of him and threatening shunning if he dares to disobey. I'm sorry to tell you that this is actually the most likely scenario of the three.

I know this is not easy for you. I hope my comments and those of others help you to work this out in your heart. Good luck and best wishes.

12

How bitter are you?

by zagor in

jw
friends

how bitter are you?.

and i'm not talking about this ------------>.

it's more like this down here, i hope it is just as 'intoxicating' if not better.

dandingus

Nice video. I used to be more bitter than I am. I'm still a little bitter, but not nearly as much as I used to be. I guess it's a process. But videos like that one certainly give you some perspective don't they? Thanks for sharing.

9

Crises of religion

by wha happened? in

i've often heard that jehovah looks over his people like a parent watching over a child.

why doesn't a parent step in when the children are killing each other?.

dandingus

I've always wondered that. With you and me it's different because we dont' have the power to change it. But doesn't he? What would we do if we could make the pain go away with the snap of a finger? But would that make a "paradise" life where everyone does what they are told or made to do (essentially the same thing all the time) and is boring and pointless? If you look at what people die of most often, aside from sickeness and old age it's war and violent crime. With disease and age one would think that an all powerful God would want to take away those causes of heartache we are powerless to prevent. And before anyone points out that it's just because we're imperfect now, that's kind of a lame excuse. But when it comes to people hurting each other, the biggest problem with free choice is that some people choose to be assholes. But should they not be able to make that choice, even though there are consequences? It gets a lot more complicated very quickly.

24

"Fancy Dress" and large social gatherings are banned in our Halls! Why?

by Witness 007 in

yes we hosted the ultimate "fancy dress" party.

some did come as cowboys with guns {cringe} pirates with swords {cringe} and a male servant/pioneer came as a female balerina {oh my god nearly got deleted!

} but what's the big deal!

dandingus

I grew up in a congregation in Maryland that used to rent out the local fire hall once a year and have a huge dance party. The entire congregation would go and even people from other halls would show up. We had a DJ with lights, punch, games, all sorts of things. Every elder was there too with their families. It was a really nice time and everyone enjoyed it. Of course, as so many others have stated about their parties and get togethers, they don't do it anymore. What do they expect young people to do? You think they're truly that clueless so as to think that people can be as boring as they try to make them without running for the hills? Sure seems like it.

63

Are Any Of You Afraid of Dying At Armageddon?

by minimus in

jw
friends

i'm not but i know some jws that have drifted but when things like 9/11 catastrophes occur, they're right back at the kingdom hall.. do you ever worry that the great tribulation might occur and you will die?.

dandingus

I always sort of assumed (and still do) that what will be will be, and don't worry about it overmuch. If God deems who I am inside as unworthy then no amount of meeting attendence or field service or whatever will change that. I always felt that I would try to be the best person I can, and the rest is out of my hands. If I truly feel that I lived a life of love then even if I die or am destroyed I can meet my end with a clear conscience. And if there is no afterlife, but just nothingness then I won't know about it anyway. The concept of being no more is kind of scary, but there is nothing we can do to change it. So we must do what we can with the time we have.

38

How Did YOU Finally Leave The Organization?

by minimus in

jw
friends

was it a long process?.

is it still ongoing?.

did you have a long range plan?.

dandingus

Much like Found Sheep, I left quite suddenly. One Sunday I went to the meeting like normal, next Sunday didn't show and I never went back again. Just dissappeared. And I was a MS and Pioneer at the time so I'm sure I left a lot of people wondering where I was for a while. The elders kept trying to contact me, but I had nothing I wanted to say to them. I'm sure they had to "take my privileges away", but I still don't know if they told the congregation anything else. I was never DF'd or DA'd, I just plain left.

48

If someone ask you personally "Are you an apostate?", How would you answer them?

by asilentone in

jw
friends

.

dandingus

Interesting question, because I don't ever remember someone asking point blank like that. Has someone asked you to your face if you were? My response would be "I don't profess faith in any religion, but I have no problem with anyone that does."