Falcon,
I didn't realize you were still an active JW. It's nice to meet you. My older brother is still in as well as my mother, aunt and several cousins and an uncle....All on my dad's side of the family......My dad died as a faithful JW 4 years ago. I've been out for just a few years......but only out mentally for about 6 months.
I like the way you approached it with your wife. I might bring it to my Mom's attention sometime in the near future. Although, she is really not able to articulate what she believes, she believes what the WT says because it's the truth.
I agree with your wife on one point........It doesn't make a difference what Jesus was killed upon. Whether it was a stake (stauros) or a cross, it does not matter. However, I'm sure you agree, the Watchtower and the GB are the ones who have made this an issue.
I applaud you for your efforts and I pray you can open her eyes to understanding and reason.
-Drew