Searchn4answrs

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Posts by Searchn4answrs

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  13

  Awwww...people miss me

  by Coffee House Girl in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  so my mom tells me that my jw niece (whom i have known all my life but has made zero attempts to contact me after i left jdubland) told my mom that she misses me,.

  she was invited to a "get together" at a married jw's house and i always went with her to those things before because she is single (because of the narrow field of good jw brothers who want a 30something pioneer who lives with her parents), and i was "spiritually single" (because i had no scriptural grant for divorce because of adultery-he skipped town).

  but now she had to go alone and she didn't want to (but she figured she had to go, otherwise people would stop inviting her to do things), and big suprise from a jw "get together"...she didn't have a good time.. aaarg how depressing for her... i had to respond to my mom, so i said:.

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  Searchn4answrs

  Misery loves Company...
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  31

  HELLO EVERYONE

  by sarahkate in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  new to the forum, just wanted to say hi, will tell my brief story sometime, happy at the moment just getting to know you all!!!!.

  .

  sarahkate xx.

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  Searchn4answrs

  Welcome!
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  58

  I was an Idiot.

  by NomadSoul in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  not too many threads like these but i thought this forum could use one.

  not going to use the inexperience or ignorance excuse.

  nor am i going to excuse that i was a born in.. plain and simple: i was an idiot for believing in the jehovah witness religion.. okay, no cat pictures.. .

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  Searchn4answrs

  Ill co-sign on IDIOT!!
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  33

  Im trully beside myself..

  by Searchn4answrs in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  really do appreciate the excellent info shared on the site...this network of such a dubious bunch, has provided much needed therapy .... .

  anyhow,i would like to share my dilemma.... i recently went to court.i petitioned for sole and legal custody and more child support.. i was granted more support,however custody wasnt even reviewed..i prepared extremely well for this hearing.

  actually that was my priority.

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  Searchn4answrs

  Thank you all ,for insight and personal experiences. Jgnat ,your perspective,is thoroughly appreciated .

  I have in the past ,brought up the sex offender character,in court. He was instructed,to keep the children away from this individual. His response to that ,was that as a minister of god,he constanly ;through the field ministry comes into contact with these types of downtrodden people. The judge said his religious rights were not going to be discussed in his court room ;And ordered him not to subject his children to dangerous situations. Fastfoward to today,the sex offender is still allowed around my children . As a matter of fact they go on outings and gatherings ,where he is present .

  As far as taking it to the elders,I have tried that. I was told they would not consider any type of Legal matters . Further,I was asked if I still considered myself a witness.( Im ashamed,to say ..To that I said yes) I left . Attempted a phone call to the CO. That was a dead end. I figure as long as he's the active witness affiliated parent. In their eyes, thats all that matters.I dont expect any thing more from a very male-centric organization.
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  33

  Im trully beside myself..

  by Searchn4answrs in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  really do appreciate the excellent info shared on the site...this network of such a dubious bunch, has provided much needed therapy .... .

  anyhow,i would like to share my dilemma.... i recently went to court.i petitioned for sole and legal custody and more child support.. i was granted more support,however custody wasnt even reviewed..i prepared extremely well for this hearing.

  actually that was my priority.

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  Searchn4answrs

  The only thing I would say to any of this is-

  why did you trust this guy to pick up your children at school? You then leave town. I can't imagine with his history as you describe that you would not have been sitting at the school waiting for him to show up and making sure your children were OK. The kids must have been terrified.

  You are correct this isn't the first time he has failed at a pick up.. He was advised multiple times of this pick up. He had seemed to take a little more intrest in the children in the weeks leading up to this.. For example, requesting them to attend his wedding on an unscheduled weekend. Including them in an out of town trip. I was assuming the new wife was having a positive impact. Although,I always hope he is protective and sincere with his children. I constantly doubt his character. Therefore,we were not unprepared for this situation. We practiced this scenario over and over... They wer'nt exactly terrified ,but very dissapointed. Needless to say , the neighbors were shocked that a witness would carry on like this..

  This out of town training had been planned ,since The New Year.. Again sveral times I made him aware of these dates .Fax,Email and Text. And ultimately,this incident will not reflect well in court.
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  33

  Im trully beside myself..

  by Searchn4answrs in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  really do appreciate the excellent info shared on the site...this network of such a dubious bunch, has provided much needed therapy .... .

  anyhow,i would like to share my dilemma.... i recently went to court.i petitioned for sole and legal custody and more child support.. i was granted more support,however custody wasnt even reviewed..i prepared extremely well for this hearing.

  actually that was my priority.

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  Searchn4answrs

  I have not furnished her with this packet . But ,I have no doubt ,He would agree to let me leave the state.In an effort to avoid a custody battle. However ,I feel it is in my childrens best intrest that I be granted Sole and Legal Custody. Currently I am the Custodial Parent with him having visitation. I am in the US.

  I am willing to fight this out in court.However my attorney is a student .She does have excellent advisors. But this may be a bit much for her.

  She does have a very negative opinion of him. But my feeling is that ,he's already intimidated her .
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  33

  Im trully beside myself..

  by Searchn4answrs in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  really do appreciate the excellent info shared on the site...this network of such a dubious bunch, has provided much needed therapy .... .

  anyhow,i would like to share my dilemma.... i recently went to court.i petitioned for sole and legal custody and more child support.. i was granted more support,however custody wasnt even reviewed..i prepared extremely well for this hearing.

  actually that was my priority.

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  Searchn4answrs

  Hi All! Really do appreciate the excellent info shared on the site...This network of such a dubious bunch, has provided much needed therapy ...

  Anyhow,I would Like to share my dilemma...

  I recently went to court.I petitioned for Sole and Legal Custody and More child support.. I was granted more support,however Custody wasnt even reviewed..I prepared extremely well for this hearing. Actually that was my priority. Ofcourse I wont relent. I understand this type of order ,is close to impossible.But the mental well-being of my children depend on it..

  My X Husband is an active witness .He has refused to communicate with me for the last few years. We only communicate via email. And that is a very one sided attempt. The only advantage to that type of interaction,is I have a paper trail. His reasoning for this method ,is that I am not leading a god fearing lifestyle. Or atleast ,this is what he has shared with my children..Among other bad mouthing statements.

  Over the last few years he has forfeitted many visits..Sum were ,because he was serving, where the need was greater. Others im not sure. A few he does'nt even inform my son he is not picking them up..(and I say my son ,because he only communicates with him)As a matter of fact right before the latest court hearing .He no-showed on his weekend.My children wer sent off to school that morning ,and instructed that because it was dads weekend ; they were to wait for him after school. They did. He never showed. I left out of town on business. The neighbors called me,to inform me that my children never got picked up. Arrangments were made for them ,till I got back. He was aware of his weekend. Again, I email reminders.Ofcourse without response. Last year he went up to four months without having his children over..

  Their was an incident where my youngest had a tantrum. He used a theraputic hold on her and splashed her face with water. Upon their return from his visits.My children go to therapy.This incident was reported to her therapist. Her therapist is not required to tell me, if she reports incidents to CPS. But she did say, she had a good mind to do so. I did confront their father (via Email ofcourse). To which his response was, She was never in any harm. And was very calm after .I just needed documentation showing my concerns and dissaproval of such discipline.

  He remarried a few weeks ago .He asked that I let them be part of his special day. I agreed. However ,my only condition was that they be returned to me ,if they were not in his care. I assumed they would not be going on his honeynoon. And I do not feel comfortable with his Witness social circle..One of his very close friends is a registered sex offender... After the wedding and reception was over ,my son called and said ,his dad was leaving ,but they were being left with a witness family, till my scheduled pick up at KH the next day. I picked them up. At the reception hall . I hadnt heard my XH,voice in a couple of years. But he sure felt the need to call me, and tell me he was calling the police. Of course I was'nt too concerned. According to our Calendar, it was my weekend. I was never contacted by the police .

  The following weekend he picked them up at the usual spot .And I too, showed up at my usual pick up spot .However he was not there.I waited untill the last of the witnesses were leaving the KH. I asked if he was there .They were somewhat cluless .But did mention they thought he was out of town. After everyone was gone.I started texting his phone .With no response. I proceeded to call the police. And informed him I was doing so. It took over an hour for them to arrive .While the police were taking my info. He drove up . He had a few choice words for them about me.They didnt really want to get involved.But I did get my children back.My son said, he told him, to tell me they were out of town. But his phone was dead and could'nt give me ,heads up. I still beleive it was his responsibility to inform me of such a change.

  Anyhow these incidents have all been as of late.My frustration is ,lack of communication. It doesnt surprise me that he is allowed to hold any type of status in the cong. I figure, fathers that are in good standing ,are allowed to carry on like this. However Im certain the courts would frown on this type of behavior. Im even more dissapointed that these incidents were not addressed in court. Custody was not even reviewed.The judge asked that we come to some aggreement on our own .And get back to him when we have agreed on some type of arrangement. I did express our lack of communication. My XH, responded with agreeing that some method of communication has to be established. Of course it was all done for show. And did manage to say on record, I needed a Psyche eval. However,prior to the court hearing he told our appointed mediator,that he would pray his god showed mercy on me.

  Im at a loss. He is not consistant in my childrens lives.When they are in his care .He damages their little minds.It takes me a while to get them re-adjusted. He carries on with this benevolent attitude. Meanwhile ,fails his children;in school ,sports and Medical related needs. I feel that we are still under his abusive authority.
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  57

  Toxic Relationships

  by serenitynow! in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i have had it with my mother.

  i've spoken on the board before about her.

  she is fanatically religious, often keeps me on the phone for hours while she talks endlessly about the bible.

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  Searchn4answrs

  I have to say that their is a good amount of witness parents that lack the ability to provide nurturing,respectfull relationships with their children..Eventhough,this type of relationship disregards a childs self worth,and is extremely detrimental..In my personal experience that type of relationship,enabled each in every one of my siblings and I,to become more independant thinkers..However,the anger and resentment is an extremely difficult thing deal with. And the lack of compassion my parents express ;when confronted ,is disturbing,to say the least.. The benefit from this toxic relationship,is one can be even more determined to be the exact oppposite..And,motivated to find a more healthy ,balanced outlook,in regards to religious affiliation and family life...But I got to say ,its very hurtful,and disheartening to experience their lack of accountabilty..
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  86

  Are you a fader, Df'd, DA'd, or Still In?

  by brotherdan in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i thought this would be an interesting poll that would show everyone the backgrounds of all of us when we left, if we have.. for myself, i am not df'd, but i am attempting a fade.

  i still go to some meetings with the wife to help with kids, but that's it.

  no commenting or field service.. what about everyone else?.

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  Searchn4answrs

  Baptised at 14.. Df'd at 21.. Reinstated 6months later....Couldnt handle the emotional abandonment....Then faded ..I catch an occasional memorial, here and there..I still have family ties...But succesfully avoiding conflict for over 10 yrs......
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  22

  "We taught you right from wrong, you should be thankful!"

  by sabastious in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  i've been told this by many witness peers over my life, especially when talking about apostasy.... that's how the governing body likes to run things; if you leave their organization and are still true to "christian morals and ethics" then you are "having your cake and eating it too.

  " for some reason they don't believe that you can live a life acceptable before god without their micromanagement in all our lives.. i wanted to tell you guys/gals an analogy i came up with:.

  you have a son and you want to to get him vaccinated for whooping cough because it's going around.

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  Searchn4answrs

  Having morals is pretty common sense stuff...Living in a constant state of fear and guilt, is counterproductive..