A year after my parents were baptized I was born in 1954. That same year my father was appointed presiding overseer and remained in that position until the early sixties despite the fact he was still smoking. He gained the position by default because he was the only baptized man who could read. Thus began my life course of abuse, neglect and cult thinking. My father's fanatical zeal exposed me numerous times to verbal abuse and threats of violence especially in field service by people who hated J.W. They did not care what age you were. This all started before I started school at the age of five. To this day I can't believe how this organization is willing to expose young ones to this kind of treatment. Because of my parents bad upbringing they loved this way of life, it gave them a feeling of structure and self importance. They always love to say when they felt they were right was we have the truth so we must be right. By the time I started school I was afraid of people because they were worldly, it caused much anxiety in my life something I now recognize from therapy I have had. From the start I was obligated to take my stand on saluting the flag, holidays, and birthdays in school. Here I was a 5 year old making adult decision not knowing why I had to believe this. All now I remember I will die at armagedon if I do these things. Needless to say I spent a lot of time sitting in the hallway by myself. My first the second grade teacher did not like my relgion so I sat behind her desk, not being part of the classroom. The funny thing is when my parents came for a teacher-parent conference, she would move my desk back into the classroom with the other kids. One may ask, "Why didn't I tell my parents about this?" Two reasons; first I was frightened of my father's anger that he manifested in various forms; second my teacher told me if I said anything to my parents I would be in even worse trouble. By Seven I have had experience a lifetime of abuse. By then my older brother married and left the house. As he told me in later years It was the best thing he ever did. From this pioint onward I was totally alone at the house because my parents were both working. The problem here was we lived out in the country 3 miles from town. Two months after my brother got married the new P.O. of our congregation moved into a travel trailer on my parents property. I was happy to see him move in because I had someone to talk to. Also he played the harmonica. One month before my eighth birthday a friend close to my age was visiting from out of town and came over to play with me. Things were going well when suddenly I could not find him. I ran over to the PO's trailer. Without knocking I walked in. I caught this man standing over my friend stark naked. The man started screaming at me not to move as he was fumbling to put his pants on. Just before he was able to grab me I ran out of the trailer. He chased me. Just before I got to the back door of our house he grabbed me and threw me to the ground, jumped on top of me and started strangling me. I was not able to breathe and I thought I was going to die. He must have realized what he was doing and he stopped choking me. At this point he told me I'd better not say anything to my parents or anybody else because he only lived a few feet from our house and he could come in at night and kill me. I remember picking myself up off the ground, dragging myself to my bedroom, and sitting on the the edge of my bed shaking and wondering why Jehovah hated me and I knew he was going to kill me soon at armageddon. I don't remember much of what happened after that or to my friend, it's kind of a blur to me. I do remember that a month later he moved out. That summer my parents were wondering why I was acting so sickly. Of course they wouldn't take me to a doctor because the medical profession was part of Satan's system. Their reatment was always take more viamins, I hated those one a day vitamins. In the fall of the year I started the third grade in a new school. It was a rural school with three rooms and two grades in each room. So I had the same teacher for the next two years. If you thought my first and second grade teacher was bad. This one made here look like a saint. On a daily basis this teacher would ridicule me and my so called faith in front of the whole class, causing everyone in the classroom not to like me. I was made fun of daily. I felt even more isolated. No holidays, birthdays or anything days for me it was all bad, so I was told. Jehovah is so proud of you, yeah right. I got the persecution why my parents got nothing but pats on there back for being such good parents. By the fourth grade my ADD really started to kick in. My teacher would get so mad at me because according to her I was day dreaming all the time. By my Fifth grade year I had a great teacher for the first time in my life. He made sure no one made fun of me and he help me catch up in my education. I will never forget him. I felt like I was part of the class. Even though things were going better for me a school, at home things were taking a turn for the worse. My parents quit going to meetings because of their business.. My dad was a well-known and poplar musician in that area since he was a teenager. When I was eleven on New Year's Eve dad's former band asked him to play. He agreed because the money was good. Dad left for his gig that evening and mom and I stayed home. After dad left that evening mom got a phone call from a friend to go to the party where dad was playing. She accepted and left me home alone. An hour later she came home extremely angry. Dad came home soon after. A ficious fight broke out between them. It escalated to the point where mom began hitting dad and pulled a knife on him. They soon realized I was standing there watching them. I ran to my bedroom crying, slamming the door behind me. Soon there was silence in the house. I cried myself to sleep that night. For the next several months dad slept on the couch. They rarely talked to each other. All I know is I never received an apology from them. They then started back attending meeting. As time went on and to this day they have been held up as fine examples of Christian parents. I will stop here for now and tell more of my story at a later date. This is quite draining on me but it is great therapy for me. Thanks for listening. Happy now Totally ADD
TotallyADD
JoinedPosts by TotallyADD
-
19
My Story not for the weak of heart
by TotallyADD ina year after my parents were baptized i was born in 1954. that same year my father was appointed presiding overseer and remained in that position until the early sixties despite the fact he was still smoking.
he gained the position by default because he was the only baptized man who could read.
thus began my life course of abuse, neglect and cult thinking.
-
-
-
20
Dreamed my JW Daughter Shunned me in the Grocery Store and..........
by flipper inthen i woke up and realized it's a scenario that's happening anyway in my life as she's shunning me in reality.
this is my older daughter ( 23 ) who i was really close to when she was a teenager.
but since my fade of 7 years - she and her younger sister have virtually totally shunned me .
-
-
TotallyADD
Dear Flipper, My wife and I are about to start this journey were our adult children will find out we are leaving the JW organization. I believe fully there is hope your daughter will wake up someday and see why you did what you did. At 23 she still has alot of growing up to do and that takes time. I feel your dream is telling you how much you truly love your daughter and you want her to know the truth and it hurts you now that she is not listening to you now. All I can say is give it time. And when you do get to speak to her use love as your motive in getting her to listen. Totally ADD
-
23
Eek! A Male!
by laverite in"eek!
a male!
treating all men as potential predators doesn't make our kids safer."http://online.wsj.com/article/sb10001424052748703779704576073752925629440.html.
-
-
TotallyADD
When I was a JW elder it always amazed me how many parents thought teaching their children about sex was wrong or they were scared to do it. I remember one young married couple came to me about sexual problem. The husband could not have or had a hard time having sex with his wife because as a teenager his mother beat in to him how dirty sex was and God was going to punish him. Sad to say the marriage did not last. In just the last few years we have found out by our oldest son he was abused by his best friends mother. Lots and Lots of problems in JW world when it comes to human sexual relationships. Just woke up.....Totally ADD
-
12
Being raised a JW sure did give us some odd memories did it not?
by sabastious ini remember a few times when my mother would speak of "grandma weeping herself to sleep every memorial night.
" this was because her husband was of the "heavenly hope.
" she knew that she was to be without her soulmate for eternity in the new world.
-
-
TotallyADD
Yes it did to many bad memories. Beside the abuse from many one that stands out right now for me is how children had to act like adults and do things that only adults should have been doing. Example a. going door to door at 6 years of age by your self. b. going to school and uphold the JW belief again with no support while the adults get to stay home. c. Being very alone as a child with no friends. d. Being a victim of child abuse by the P.O. because they were to be trusted. Yes very odd memories indeed.
-
3
Thank you for all your kind words from Totally ADD
by TotallyADD inwith my first post i missed up but am i glad i did.
i never laugh so hard from your comments on add.
its all true sometimes your are so focus then all of a sudden you are staring in space.
-
-
TotallyADD
I am soon to be 57 years old and just before my next brithday we will be totally out. Yes I do have a great wife she has put up with me for almost 37 years. Actually she has been to hell and back with me and my problems put she proved to be my rock in getting me help and supporting me through thick and thin. Life would have been very sad if I never knew her. Thanks for the insight on how our life will be even more better and happier. Indeed there is strenght in numbers. Happy you have found peace in this world that is sometimes hard to do. Totally ADD
-
27
I finally made and account...
by AiAi inhi everyone, i have checked this site out every once in awhile as i was on my way out and as i found myself coming back more and more recently i decided i should probably become a member....
-
-
TotallyADD
I new just like you what fun we are all having. Welcome form Totally ADD.
-
40
Hello to all from Walk On
by Walk On injust joined up on this site, left the publishing company last year... been so eye opening to read this site and others, can't believe i was held like that so long.
embarrassed but hopeful and loving life!.
from british columbia, canada!.
-
-
TotallyADD
Like you I just join the board welcome form Totally ADD.
-
3
Thank you for all your kind words from Totally ADD
by TotallyADD inwith my first post i missed up but am i glad i did.
i never laugh so hard from your comments on add.
its all true sometimes your are so focus then all of a sudden you are staring in space.
-
-
TotallyADD
With my first post I missed up but am I glad I did. I never laugh so hard from your comments on ADD. Its all true sometimes your are so focus then all of a sudden you are staring in space. Thank God for Ritalin 20 mg. once in the morning will do me until 6 PM. After that I am on my own thats why we have coffee. When I finally got up my 2nd post/1st post all your comments were very encouraging to me. I love your hat Stephen and yes Wobble I to was thick headed for many years I knew something was not quite right but I would dismiss it and try to work harder. When all I did was burn myself out. Thankyou Flipper for your comments for a long time I have enjoy your thoughts on matters and see purplesofa I am getting better even though I am a typical ADDer this time I did not leave the message out. But thats not to say it won't happen again. Yes Hadit reference point to born ins is really warp, it's very hard to get past it but it can be done. Because all of you who were born ins have done it. Also would like to thank lady Lee for all her help on getting me on this board. Her counsel she gives is very sound and practical. It always has a feel of someone who really cares about what all of us are going through. All you for serveral years now have help me and my wife to understand why we feel the way we do and why it is not bad to do research on Jehovah Witness teachings. I told my wife 20 years ago if the G. Body starts elevating themselves above Jesus that will be a BIG RED FLAG for me to know something is fishy in JW land. Will guess what happen? So her we are. When I can have some time to sit and write my story being raised as a Jehovah Witness I will post it for you. But be warned it isn't pretty, its about as dysfunctional as you can get. That's why I also suffer with PTSD. That's another story. Again Thanks for all your encouragement and laughter looking forward to a long friendship on this board.
-
20
Hello to everyone from Totally ADD
by TotallyADD insorry new at this after all i have add.
been lurking for 3 years.
my better half sign up with you back in may of last year.
-
-
TotallyADD
Sorry new at this after all I have ADD. Been lurking for 3 years. My better half sign up with you back in May of last year. We both started having questions about what was going on with the organizaitons teachings. I started waking up a little back in 2005 when I was doing Temp work in Brooklyn. I could not understand why they had all these people here just to maintain all there buildings. Just did not make any sense to me at the time. Then around 2007 I stated therapy went though some stressful stuff ( I will talk about that at another time ) found out I was suffering with PTSD and ADD. Started medication for ADD and all of a sudden my mind open up. I am a born in. Been baptised for 40 years. The last 24 years I have serving as a elder. Was a P.O. for 5 years. I step down from all of this in just the last few months. Our fade is going as planned for now. Why did I stick with all this for soo long? I had no other reference point in my life. I could not draw from any other experience in my life. It was all W.T. dogma I listen to and with my learning disability I could not get past it. Until I was able to think clearly on my own one day. It was like a whole new world has open up to me. I started questioning everything and reading everything I could get my hands on concerning the J.W. I must say 99% of what I have read on this board is very true, it also has brought up many things I have forgot that was taught many years ago. By many I mean back to 1958 when I got my first orange book of horror stories. My thoughts on todays board are A. At my last elder school there is a big concern for more M. Servants and B. We were told many elders are not listening to the G. body and we were ask do we obey the G.Body followed with a loud applause I got very sick from that. Well thats it for now thank you for listening to me. All by the way my better half is reopened mind, boy is she ever.
-
-
-