Ive been designing my oldests graduation invitation for the last couple of days. Noticing not for the first time, how handsome he has become. Everybody loves him. He gives me shit but that's his job I guess. I was sitting here watching a rented movie and making copies of the movie I took last night of his teams volleyball victory over one of the best teams in the county, to give to the coach, at his request....and at the credits of this fucking movie they started to play the song "You'll Never Walk Alone". One minute I was thinking isnt that ironic with me sitting here designing this thing for graduation and the next minute I fell out in hysterical tears at the realization that my son is graduating and leaving and....I just fucking freaked out. I lost it. I feel like I have let him down in so many ways. That I want a do over. That I want to spend more time with him...give him a better childhood...I don't know. I just feel so much like I failed him. I feel so desperate about that. That this family and my having been a witness which divided this family...failed him. That we havent taught him what a family and marriage should be. But he's is an amazing person in spite of all of my misgivings it seems. Or should I say despite what I perceive as failures. I don't want him to go. I don't WANT him to be big. I miss my little boy. But I love the man he has become. I'm just so sad that he will be going away. Maybe this is normal as a mom to be sad when her kids leave the nest I just didn't expect this depth of emotion about it you know? I'm blind sided. He introduced me to his new coach as being his biggest fan and supporter and I was so touched that he would acknowledge that and if he did it just to make me feel good he succeeded. And these days are fleeting so rapidly. All I can see is this movie in my head of watching him play ball for as long as he was able to stand and me watching him. I sat in the gym last night and closed my eyes and listened to the sound of the place, the feel of it, the smells of it. The fluorescent lights, the screaming, cheering crowd...the resonating sound of the ball being hit, slammed, and high fives and stuff by the kids after each point. I tried to "live in that moment" like the man who did my neices wedding ceremony told her to do...the best advice I ever heard given at a wedding. He sat and watched the video of the game last night..."Mom! Did you see me? Mom watch this replay of my ace! Mom are you coming to my game tomorrow? Mom...." How am I going to bear the silence when he isn't here? I know I have two more kids...it shouldn't affect me like this...so why is my heart breaking??? He doesn't hug me much any more. Its not cool I guess. But all I want to do is hold him and tell him I'm sorry if I let him down before he goes. I guess its my own expectations that I didn't fulfill. Did you feel this sad when your children graduated?
LovesDubs
JoinedPosts by LovesDubs
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18
feeling very sad
by LovesDubs inive been designing my oldests graduation invitation for the last couple of days.
noticing not for the first time, how handsome he has become.
everybody loves him.
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72
For women: your view of strip clubs
by Paralipomenon ini have heard two vastly differing viewpoints on this subject over the years.
regarding your significant other, would you care if they went to a strip club or not?
some examples: .
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LovesDubs
Hate them...hatem hatem hatem. I watched as they destroyed the marriages of my sister in law and a neighbor. They become addictions to some men and thousands of dollars are poured into the habit not to mention the men ARENT home with their wives and families, often come home loaded and broke and the wives feel horrible about themselves as women because their mommy bodies dont compare to that um...woman...wrapped around that pole with the implants.
My eldest said the first thing he was going to do after he turned 18 was go to a strip club and I burst out in tears. He thought I was crazy. Thanks UNCLE B for the great example.
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Let Kids see Dub Grandparents or?
by brunnhilde inmy mom and dad love my son, but i also know because of the depth of their brainwashing, they won't be respectful of my parenting (as i've asked them) and will try to "plant seeds" with him.
he's only 7, loves his grandma and papa very much and is easily confused and distressed when he gets conflicting info.
since we left the dubs, we've had a couple different run-ins with my parents trying subtle and not so subtle means to get at my son, or more accurately, get at me.
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LovesDubs
The real pain in the ass is that they claim to be too feeble to come and see him and always want me to bring him over there, which means I'm on their turf surrounded by the piles of dog**** masquerading as Borg literature.
Well shoe washing is just today....BRAIN washing is a lot harder to undo. Next they will be claiming if your child picks up some of the "dogshit" that he "was interested in it and asked them to read it to him." They lied before....they will lie again in the name of the Troof.
There were two people who used to be closer than our relatives to my kids and we named our first two after them because we loved and respected them so much. But after I DAd and they started badmouthing me...I said very clearly to them, if you EVER want to see my children again, not only will you NOT badmouth their mother TO their mother but to THEM or ANYBODY THEY KNOW. And if there is anything unclear about this request and I hear that you CONTINUED to slander their mother, I will cut you off like a gangrenous toe. And if you think my JW husband will be able to override my decision in this..TRY ME.
They stopped. But dont think for a nannosecond I dont continue to watch them even 8 years later!
Loves
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Let Kids see Dub Grandparents or?
by brunnhilde inmy mom and dad love my son, but i also know because of the depth of their brainwashing, they won't be respectful of my parenting (as i've asked them) and will try to "plant seeds" with him.
he's only 7, loves his grandma and papa very much and is easily confused and distressed when he gets conflicting info.
since we left the dubs, we've had a couple different run-ins with my parents trying subtle and not so subtle means to get at my son, or more accurately, get at me.
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LovesDubs
Do not let them have him ANYWHERE that you cant control! The kingdom hall is not the problem or the threat THEY are. The first time they tell that baby that mommy is going to be killed by God and birds are going to EAT her because she doesnt go to the Kingdom Hall...He is NEVER EVER going to forget that. So dont dont dont let them have that child.
They have already proven they cant be trusted not to try to inculcate the kid and are viewing him as a "fatherless child" needing their spiritual guidance because mommy isnt hacking it.
It only needs to happen once that you trust them and they screw this little ones head up. DONT DO IT.
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LovesDubs
Shunning followed by the blood issue. One kills the spirit, the other kills the body.
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Are any of you aposates?
by KCM ini don't think i am an apostate, but do feel like one for being on these boards as we were always warned not to at the meetings etc.. i disagree with so many things they teach, the main thing is the blood issue....being a new auntie, i love my niece soooo much and if i were the only person that could save her, how on earth could i not?
i'd be blood guilty for not saving her!!!!!
that in my books, would be murder.. however, may be it's because i've only been away from the mtgs for a year, but i still think of it most days and although i feel i've made the right decision as nothing was making me happy in it, and obvioulsy my ex beating me and getting away with it.....i still feel a certain pull towards it and a kind of insane loyalty???.
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LovesDubs
Oh yes. I love being an apostate to the teachings of the Witchtrowel Babel and Trash Sucksiety. I wear my big red "A" badge with pride. I like telling the JWs that come to my door that I am one just to watch the expressions on their faces LOL!
Theyre like "What do you MEAN you dont believe we have the TRUTH??? It it it...it SAYS so right in our magazines! Seeee?? I mean it SAYS so and and and....well...so I will just come and live in YOUR HOUSE when YOU are killed at Armageddon for NOT accepting what I tell you and embracing a Bible STudy with me you you you....APOSTATE!!"
hehehe
As for you still feeling loyalty....my sister in law is still my sister in law even tho she's a ho and a drunk. Doesnt mean I have to agree with her way of life just because Ive known her for 24 years.
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Is this where I went wrong in my marriage?!
by deeskis injust got this email of a magazine article from 1955. .
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LovesDubs
Even if this article is a "fake" it is NOT far from the REALITY of that time. I was born in 54, my sister in 51. My parents were married in 50. They were this quintessential good looking hard working post war suburbia couple and my mother was a stay at home mom. We did live in a Stepford growing up and it was a nice childhood for us. However, by the time the mid sixties and early 70s arrived my Stepford mom was coming unglued from having no life of her own and the shit hit the proverbial fan. My dad went looking for a new Stepford Wife and he found one but he didnt bother to divorce the first one before he started banging the second one.
We lived in a neighborhood of one income families, with 80 kids in 20 houses (predominantly Catholic neighborhood) and at noon the whistle blew on the fire station in town and we all went to our homes to eat our balogna sandwiches and watch Bozo the Clown while mom ironed. My mother smoked cigarettes and drank pots and pots of coffee boiled on the stove with egg shells in it to absorb the bitterness. She wasnt happy but like her mother, she was serving her man and doing her motherly duties through gritted teeth. She volunteered, she was on the PTA, she sewed clothes, she gardened, she entertained the ladies in the neighborhood for coffee clatches and was quite a cook. She always made a full meal for dinner and we cleaned that whole house every Saturday and had roast beef on Sundays after church. At 5:15 every evening all the dads would start rolling down the street from work and we would run to the curb to greet them and run along side the car all the way up the driveway. Dad would take care of the lawn and do the barbequing on summer holidays and worked two jobs to make ends meet so his wife could stay with the children.
So yes...that article is NOT far from center. But that lady? Holy shitski her head was on the verge of exploding everyday. And did the "husband" appreciate all she did? Hell no. He was too busy out getting HIS.
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My husbands observation...
by megsmomma inwe were just discussing the whole thing about how only those jw's that live through the big a will be able to still be sexual beings and pro-create.
he said that the society is useing our most natural desires to scare everyone into staying in the org and hoping, above all else to live through the big "a".
and i was saying to him that if i still believed what they taught, i would kill him and my baby to save them.
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LovesDubs
It was in the early 1970's. A sister in CA son early 20's suddenly died in his sleep. He was weeks away from getting married. I remember his mother kept everything in his room exactly as he left it, because she was convinced that he would be resurected within in very short time, She also believed that since he and his girlfriend was so close to getting married that she was sure that Jehovah would allow their marriage in the new system and she was going to make sure the girl waited for him. I have wondered over the years what happened to them.
Lisa...ever read the words to Helen Reddys "Delta Dawn"? Sister is still sitting in her wedding dress in a Kingdom Hall 37 years later waiting for her man to be ressurected.
She was forty-one and her daddy still called her baby.
Everyone in brownsville thinks shes crazy,
cause she walks to the station with a suitcase in her hand.
And shes looking for a mysterious dark-haired man.
In her younger days they called her delta dawn.
Prettiest woman you ever laid eyes on.
But a man of low degree stood by her side,
And he promised he would take her for his bride.
Delta dawn, whats that flower you have on?
Could it be a faded rose from days gone by?
Did I hear you say he was meeting you hear today
To take you to his mansion in the sky?
Delta dawn, whats that flower you got on?
Could it be a faded rose from days gone by?
Did I hear you say he was meeting you here today
To take you to his mansion in the sky?
Delta dawn, whats that flower you got on?
Could it be a faded rose from days gone by?
Did I hear you say he was meeting you right here today?
Hes gonna take you to his mansion in the sky.
Delta dawn, oh, what is that flower that youve got on?
Could it be, could it be just a faded rose from one of those days gone by?
Well, did I hear you say
That he was gonna meet you right here, right here today?
Hes gonna take you to his mansion in the sky.
To take you to his mansion in the sky.
Hes gonna take you, hes gonna take you.
Oh, hes gonna take you and you and you and you.
Oh, gonna take you, take you to that mansion.
Hes got to, gonna take you to that mansion.
Hes gonna take you and you and you and you,
Oh, you and you and you.
Take you to his mansion in the sky.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
Gonna take you. oh, oh.
Hes gonna take you, gonna take you,
Hes gonna, hes gonna take you to that mansion,
Hes gonna take you and you and you, oh . . . -
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Best Diet For Women
by sammielee24 inok..it's been decided..after mega studies it has been confirmed that the atkins diet works faster and is the best for women.
it lowers blood pressure and cholesterol and has been a factor in regulating blood sugar levels.
i'm not sure about for men but i do know both men and women who have used this diet and it worked really well for them.
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LovesDubs
Im a carboholic for sure and Atkins is the only diet that actually works with me. I did it back in 1980 and lost 45 pounds without thinking about it all the time. And that was pre kidlings and menopause. It works better for me now at 52 than counting calories or points does but I have trouble staying on it a long time.
I have gained and lost the same 15-20 pounds 10 times in 10 years! Redickerus!
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So, I just told my dad to "Shut the **** up"
by mavie inthen i hung up on him.
it was so frustrating to his self righteous attitude under the banner of love.
yes, i went over the top, but i couldn't take it anymore.
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LovesDubs
Oh Mavie...god my heart breaks for you because you love these people and they love you and this giant fucking white elephant called the Watchtower is going to be between you now. And I understand that incredible ANGER you feel when you try soooooo hard to open their eyes and I swear if all that I just read that you compiled THEY read...then honey there is NO getting inside their heads by you or God himself with a crowbar.
Dr. Phil says not to get a divorce until you have tried EVERYTHING to make it work and if you can walk away saying that you did...then you need to get a divorce. And you needed to get this divorce.
And then you put down the phone and you are shaking and sweating and freezing and feverish and pacing and pissed like you have never been before and sad like you are grieving a death and you feel helpless and want to hit something or run or scream and the desperation is overwhelming. And you go over what you said again and again wondering if there was something else you could have said or said differently and there isnt and it's so maddening that they are deaf to you....there are none so blind as those who will not see.
We love you honey...we understand like nobody can. Please please please keep on writing here and dont keep it inside. Your great writing will help someone else. It will.
huggggggs, Loves