Posts by LyinEyes

46

What is God doing?

by Kagloo in

this is a genuine question... i mean no disrespect to anyone...especially to my heavenly father....but i have this gnawing question in my head that just wont go away...... okay... with that out of the way.... let's take the holly and jessica story that hit the headlines in the uk recently...two innocent kids, murdered and left to decompose in a filthy mud trench....;or worse than that, the story about the two people in the usa who have been busted for running an internet child porn site that features pix of children...babies as young as five months... five months!!!!!!

!.....being sexually abused..... if i start to think about what these poor kids went through it drives me mad!

and then if i start to think about what some kids are still going through even as i write..... welli can hardly bear it!.

LyinEyes

I am very sorry for all of your loses Kagloo, you have been thru some terrible things.

I have to say when I saw this post , it happens to be some of the same things I ask myself. Not understanding why God, after all these thousands of years has put up with such things as what is happening to the children, is hard for me to understand. It has rocked my faith, I have almost lost all hope in God. I can see why some don't believe He exsist. I don't know if it is my upbringing , being JW my whole life, or just wanting to believe in God, but I think deep down I believe in God. I honestly couldnt stake my own life on what I believe. I am in a constant state of confusion. But I am afraid to speak disrespectfully of Him, even when I get angry at why he isnt doing anything. Somewhere inside me there must be something in my heart that makes me believe. Maybe I believe because I just want to so bad. But even that is not good enough. I have fooled myself before. The things I have been thru with the WT has destroyed my trust in almost everything. I am sure of one thing, God is not the God the WT says he is. I don't think the Bible is accurate in its description of God and His motives on what happened in those days. I think man interpreted why THEY thought God meant by the things that happend, and maybe things that were written were like stories passed thru the years and things got added until it was way off. I don't know.

I left the borg a year ago, so I am still on my journey to find God again. I am very afraid that I will not find him. I have a little hope left and some faith, not much at all. I know this because, when my son played his first football game this year, I prayed. Just a short prayer. But then I feel silly, why didnt God hear the prayers of the people who were dying in the WTC? WHy doesnt he hear the prayers of the children being molested? WHy doesnt he hear the prayers of all the people around the world who are sufferering? So to pray for my son, was just wishful thinking. But I had to give it a shot.

I wish that what I learned as a JW was true. I wish for a paradise earth, to live forever with our families and be at peace. I havent totally ruled that out as what could happen. But I know that there will be others , not just JW's , there that is for sure.

Maybe we go to heaven. That might be good too, i have never seen what heavenly life is like , but if our families are there, I would love that.

Maybe, God allows us to live our time on earth and then we die, period. We turn to dust and never awaken at all.

Maybe there is no God. I want to believe, thou.

18

Halloween Is Coming- wanna have some fun??

by xenawarrior in

jw
friends

http://www.jack-o-lantern.com/patterns/patterns.html

if you've never carved pumpkins- it's a blast!!!.

and then: pumpkin seeds!!!!!!!.

LyinEyes

My kids are really looking forward to this holiday , it will be the first time for them. My little demon,i mean daughter is a little on the morbid side for a girl. She loves the Halloween movies and says it's her favorite time of year , because all the scarey movies come on.

My oldest son, 15, ( you know how kids that age are anyway) promises to reek havoc on our little town. I am preaching to him the consequences of going to jail!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He had vowed to roll the old neighbors across the street who called the police on us when we had a birthday party at 3 in the afternoon. The old folks lied , saying the kids were throwing water ballons at cars. I would have believed it , but we had witnesses, adults who said they were just throwing balloons on the concret to watch them explode. Then the old folks will not even let them ride their bikes , to turn around on their driveway, I mean way from their cars, almost it is in the road. I too think they should be rolled but ............. I have to be the parent and say NO. They will no who did it , and even if my kid and his hood are not caught , we will experience more problem. Plus they are old, and I don't want them cleaning it up. But they are asses.

My son, has the brilliant idea of egging the Kingdom Hall, and rolling it. Now that is one , I may turn my eye on .............hahah.......I think Halloween falls on a Thursday night........... perfect for a fast little runner to throw a stink boom into the hall.......... I mean he would be hard to reconized in his ghoulish attire.......I could just see them all running out of the hall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't think I have the guts to let him do this. But God they deserve it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

26

Honestly, what would you do?

by Tinkerbell4125 in

many of you know, i have siblins that are j.w.s and some that are not.

since i disassociated myself, i am shunned by my j.w.siblins.

my non-jw siblins and my j.w.

LyinEyes

Tink, I guess we all have some kind of problem when it comes to the right way to deal with a situation. I guess what I am saying there is no right way. There is your way and that is the only way you can go, in the end you have to look at yourself in the mirror. Don't let them take away your dignity by making you feel like an outsider. To hell with them all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tink, you know I don't have a mother, I don't have a father even thou he is alive and well. He is a die hard hypocritical JW. Alot of the reason he ignores me has nothing at all to do with being a JW, although I am sure it is a big influence. NO religion would tell me to never care for my children, even when they are grown, never. He turned his back on me in such a sly and subtle way, that not many saw it. He just neglected me to the point of acting like I didnt exist. I got a phone call once or twice a year from him, usually around time for a circuit assembly so he could act like we were close in front of everyone. I called begging him to share in my life, I cried, I acted like a 9 yr old. He didnt call me back for months. I would call him and leave messages for him to call me back, it would be several months before I heard back from him. He would go to the hospital with heart fluters and I never heard about it. How much more did he have to do for me to get the point he really doesnt love me or he can't fit me into his life? For 17 yrs I have taken this neglectful , hurtful, abuse. I finally figured in my dad's mind, he must see my sister and I as a reminder of a life he no longer wishes exsisted. The memory of my mom, his kids from her have been buried deep in his soul and he refuses to love what is left of so many years we had as a family. It was a shitty family life, but that was my daddy, and I loved him, no matter how much he beat me, humiliated me or whatever. A child will always find a place in their heart even for the worst parent. I still know somewhere I love my dad, but I hate him too. I really do. I know many will say it is just hurt, but I hate the things he does, the things he stands for, and the religion he uses to excuse it all.

I watched a show about letting go of toxic people in your life. Some people on the show even wrote letters, phoned their toxic family or friends. The reason they were called toxic, is they were making the people so miserable and it was not worth hanging on to the relationship anymore.

All I have is my sister really, and if she ever gave me crap like my dad, I would write her off as toxic too. I have my husband,I have my kids, friends, and mainly myself to make happy.

Those who want to hurt us, deserve to be severed from our lives. If they love us , they will change, if not they can have keep their bitterness and misery to themselves.

Yes, it hurts, I cry alot over it. Once I cry, which is about once a month I break down and let it all out, I realise it is just not worth it. I hate the way it makes me feel. Their playing like we are dead can go both ways, let them see you intend to live your life , and hold your chin up.

God, Tink,,,,,,,,,,,, I care so much for you, I hate you feel so bad. But sometimes there is not easy way to fix things, no way to change others, and you just have to move on and find what is the best for you. I am sure the more they shun you the more pissed you will become and then you will see the real fighter come out in you. And you know what,,,,,,,,,,, that is a good feeling, Never let them see you cry, never let them have the power to make you question yourself.

All my love,,,,,,,,,,,,, your friend Dede

26

Honestly, what would you do?

by Tinkerbell4125 in

many of you know, i have siblins that are j.w.s and some that are not.

since i disassociated myself, i am shunned by my j.w.siblins.

my non-jw siblins and my j.w.

LyinEyes

Tinkerbell, I couldnt even begin to tell ya what to do. I can tell ya what I am going to do. This year I plan on making the big family reunion on my daddy's side . They are are catholic and welcome everyone with open arms . My dad sometimes shows up , even thou this is usually on thanksgiving day, we always did when I was a kid. He even said the prayer. He always used the excuse that it was ok to go , since that was the only time his 10 bro and sis were all together. Which was true. But onlookers would think we were having Thanksgiving just like them. I didnt care. I loved my cousins and had a blast.

My sister who is also D/a are the only ones in the big family , and they all know it and could care less. In fact they are glad we are happy and have even said they will love us like family no matter what. So if dad and his wife show up, with my half sister,,,,,,,,,,, they will be ignored by me, I will do the shunning that day. I am sure he will leave. Ihope he does anyway and it will make him look like the fool he is and what a hypocritical unloving father he is.

I will not stay away in fear he will show up. I will go to the funerals and wedding too.

But my family is not devided in this, my dad is the only JW and they think something is seriously wrong with him to forget his two daughters.

I would not make up mind on what to do , until the situation presents itself. If it is the wedding of a niece or nephew you are especially close to , I would do what felt best for me. These are once in a life time events, most of the time. I would just keep in mind that no matter what happens, I would hold my head up high and if someone got in my face, I would just take the high road and maintain my dignity and respect of the persons special day. And never forget, we love you and don't let them take your self respect away. You are a special person, a family member and they are sinning for treating you like you are dead. Remember they will have to answer for that one day.

63

Totally happy in your marriage?

by Lost Diamond in

how many of you are totally, incredibly happy in your marriage?

how many of you feel that your spouse is your absolute soul mate and you couldn't even imagine your being married somebody else?

talking with the women at work, i'm surprised at how many are not totally happy.

LyinEyes

That was one of the sweetest things I have ever heard Denny. You know I think you are too good to me, for I have put you thru hell over the years, not for anything you have ever done. Most of if was pain from losing mama, pain of daddy forgetting I needed him. You have always been there to pick up the pieces , even when you didnt know how, you where there. You could have ran and never looked back, but you didn't . Even my sister said you were like a daddy to her when no one eles cared and even when she caused you pain too. LOL you got two for the price of one. But you are a wonderful man, a loving father, the best husband, and my best friend. In fact, I guess you could say that I feel, you are a part of me. I heard it drilled in my head at the meetings all those years. .... "and the two shall become one". That was true.

I know I am like Denny for all those reading this, we sound mushy, and like everything is so sweet and peachy keen......... LOL it is not always like that, with life, raising three brats, I mean kids, lol, and just coming out of what we thought was the truth. It has been a confusing year, but we went out together and that is a blessing, at least we are still on the same page and will make it thru this together. But in the end , there is still no one I would rather be with than my Denny.

14

larc/cruzenheart/dede/vicki/tinkerbell n more

by Mimilly in

jw
friends

while i've had an incredible day - one that has changed my life for the better, taken me off welfare, made me self-sufficient (whew!

all in one day) - i want you to know that my heart and thoughts more than frequently go towards you all.

(and not just those mentioned here) .

LyinEyes

Mim, that brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for saying that, it means the world to be a good mother and be there for my kids. I know too, what it is like to hit rock bottom, so I could feel your pain even thru your words that day. I am now a advocate for the sad, depressed, lonely, people of the world. I so wished I could have said the right things when mom needed to hear them. But being just 18 and a borgafide naive 18 yr old at the time , I just didnt have life experience to help her . I gave her my love and I know now that she knew that. But when I feel I can reach out and just listen to someone, talk to them and let them know , even thru the internet the miles apart that there is a heart on the other end, feeling for you. I always will.

I am so glad your life is finally turning around, you have worked hard for it and deserve it . I am sure your girls are proud of you too. I look to you as one who has been thru hell on earth and still even when you are down, you are a survivor. That is something to be proud of. It is an inspiration to the rest of us who feel the weight of the world on us. If we just hold on, things usually get better. Life is good. Thanks for sharing your ups and downs, but mainly you love and concern. For that I will always be thankful for. Love you much, and go out with your first paycheck and get yourself a little something. Even if it is box of fine chocolates,,,,,,,,,,, and enjoy it, knowing life is wonderful.

(((((((((((((((((((( hugs, hugs, hugs, )))))))))))))))))Dede

20

My father has died (Tom Amoroso)

by amoroso in

hello my name is nick amoroso son of thomas charlas amoroso and sherrie amoroso.

i recieved news of my fathers untimely death thursday sept. 19. i am not sure who reads these forums but if you are from the northwest of the u.s. and have been in the truth for a conciderable amount of time you will know my father.

for those of you that do not know him i feel obligated to tell you his story.

LyinEyes

I am so sorry to hear of the tragic lose of your father. On Sept. 15, 1985 my mother committed suicide , I was 18 and she was only 35 . It tore my world apart . She had been a faithful witness for years, although she had a prescription drug problem. She was in rehab, overdosed more times than I can remember, but she always made it thru. She was like a cat with nine lives, and she ran out, so to speak. I found it hard in the beginning to accept her death, I dreamed she was still here, I dreamed she was speaking to me. The years went by and I started my own family , faithfully served Jehovah, but was still depressed over losing my mom.

I didnt feel real peace , until this year, once I disassociated myself and left the borg for good. Then I opened my mind to seeing what her life was really like trying with all of her emotional problems to be the perfect elders wife. My dad ran off with a younger sister in our hall, she was only 8 yrs older than me and my mom and dad got disfellowshipped. She got the boot for smoking. How sad. Four months later, with no comfort, no help from any friends or the elders she chooses to end her life.

I have found great comfort coming in this forum and I hope you decided to keep coming here for the support you need. I never had an any support after mama died. I never had anyone just listen, no concern, just told me to go in service more. I am angry with myself for listening to them and the way the WT does not allow us to grieve. I tell you, you should grieve your father now, and do it the way you feel you need to.

I posted on Sept 14, 2002, a Remembrance of my mom , you can find it under members, and the name LyinEyes. It was just one way that I felt to honor her, and it make me happy for others to see her picture and know that she is not forgotten. The responses were more than she ever got even right after her death.

Sending you much sympathy, and hope you find peace , this is a good place to start,,,,,,,,, LyinEyes (Dede)

2

Any EXJWS in Arkansas?

by LovesDubs in

jw
friends

if you are...can you maybe contact this poor gal?

we all need somebody to lean on post org!.

from: albafresca@ aol.com .

LyinEyes

I just wanted to let you know that I emailed Dawn, and gave her my phone number, I hope to hear from her. I live in Louisiana , but we are right on the Arkansas line, I think we are 3 hrs from Little Rock, so it wouldnt be hard to visit. I am looking forward to making friends with her, and hope that I can encourage her , we all need it so much.

Thanks for posting this. Dede

38

Last night my dad tried to commit suicide

by cruzanheart in

jw
friends

i'm still blown away by it.

when i went out the door this morning to take the kids to school (7:15 a.m.) i turned on my cell phone and there were two messages from his retirement home, both saying that he had fallen at about 4:30 a.m. and was being taken to the hospital.

i called the hospital and they told me that he said he had taken 18 xanax in an effort to kill himself.

LyinEyes

I am very sorry to hear about your dad. I was triggered tonite about another suicide attempt by a sister who is my dad's age, I have know her since childhood. It troubled me deeply , but the feelings I had didnt come out until a few glasses of wine. I know , not the best way to deal with emotions, but you think, I will have a few drinks , relax, and then a certain song comes on and brings the feeling to the surface. My own mother committed suicide at my very age and it is haunting me at every moment this time of year. I feel I need to understand one thing , WHY? I feel guilt , sorror , anger and heartache all at the same time. I can only image what your dad is feeling, I am just now at 35 feeling my age, I never thought I would out live my mother. I felt I was doomed to her fate, she killed herself at 35 , so I am almost at the age she was when she died. I never feared getting older, weaker , and dependant on others for my basic needs. You can only image what an elderly person must feel, thinking that the new world should have been here by now. I know one day we all will face our fade out into the other side. It must be confusing, and bittersweet. I hope you can get to your dad and tell him of your love and understand what he must have been feeling at the time. I know when I found out my mom had been drinking and mixing pills the nite she died, I hung up on her, mad as hell. A few minutes , I called her back and said I was sorry and didnt mean to be so harsh to her, I knew she was going thru her own hell, and I loved her. She told me she loved me to and would talk to me the next day and we would find a way to make things better. I felt good and I still feel a sense of peace between us , even thou she did end her own life. The reason, I will never really know , there was no note, not a clue to the real reason, I think I know why.

Help your dad, stand in his corner and tell the medical staff what a cult the man has been in all his life and how he must feel. Tell them of the mind control , of the works you have to do to make it into this paradise. Tell them he is not exagerating this, it is true, the WT does promise all these things , yet many see , too late, that it is all a lie, and it is a scarey place.

Sorry for being so blunt, I dont mean to be, but there are too many suicides happening, because the WT, the local elders, don't care. They reallly don't care, they are not qualified to help these precious ones as your father. Hold that man dear and tell him you love him.

(((((((((((((((( Hugs))))))))))))))))))))) LyinEyes,,,,,,,,, Dede

84

bad news

by larc in

jw
friends

last night, my wife zazu, had a stroke.

she is in the hospital, and will be there for a least a week.

she can still think clearly and converse.

LyinEyes

Sorry to hear about this, Larc. Send her our regards and hope that she gets well soon.

((((((((( Hugs)))))))))))))))) LyinEyes and WildTurkey