Hi GoingGoingGone,
I'm one of the new ones, so not one of the old faces you'll know, but I hope you won't mind me chipping in here, because I've read carefully through your post and all the following ones and I find it all very moving.
Just briefly to introduce myself, so that you'll know where I'm coming from. Whereas I think you must have been born in to the JW's, I am an almost-convert, an unbaptised publisher who got "caught" by JW's at a vulnerable moment when my own church (Catholic) was going through huge scandal internationally, nationally and most painful of all, locally. Painful, because I have been very involved. The JW's who I met at that point somehow got through to me and I ended up assiduously going to meetings, studying, gradually making friends and associating with JW's. I was on my way to baptism, when certain events with the sister studying with me broiught me up short, and one morning I woke up with "What am I doing?!" running through my brain.
You may not believe that this could be so after a mere 14 months with the JW's, albeit an intensive 14 months, but the process of stopping my study, stopping going out on "the service" and not going to meetings was unexpectedly extraordinarily difficult and disorientating. It's all very recent, but I am truly very new here and if you were to look back at my early posts you'll get a taste of how disorientated and in shock I was.
Because it was all so recent for me of course once I stuck to my guns and also benefited from the fantastic support on here I quickly found my own feet again. Now, here is where it gets to be relevant to you.
Even that brief though intense experience gave me a taste of how very much the social world of a JW is circumscribed by the WT environment and the WT rules and regulations, especially all the prohibitions. Well done for listening to your own brain and using your own common sense and especially well done for ensuring that your children have got educated, so they can think for themselves.
My own life experience and work, quite apart from the recent sojourn with the JW's, have given me a lot of experience of people in all kinds of situations. You're in the US and I am not, so some of my suggestions might not be relevant to where you live, but anyway, this is what I thought after reading everything.
Although you're mentally out of the JW's a lot of your life is still hemmed in by that system. Of course you need friends. Even more importantly, you need just plain social interaction outside the JW artificial bubble. You also need to be able to turn your focus outwards into the "real world". Getting a job might be part of the solution, as nugget suggests, because if you can find something that you enjoy and can get a sense of pride of achievement in then you gain an increased sense of self worth. And bring in money! And why not money just for you, too? But it might not lead to friends, although it certainly could. However, often work colleagues remain work colleagues rather than friends.
Voluntary work might do better, and Nugget also suggests that. If there's scope for that near you for something you can relate to, then it might lead to other things. Joining an interest or hobby-based group is another idea. Do you have notices in your local library? There could be something there that appeals to you.
Most important is doing something that you enjoy, just for the sake of it, so that in whatever you do, voluntary work or pursuing an interest, you yourself get to really have a good and satisfying time. Even taking the dog for a walk, and just greeting people with a smile and a hello can lead to a good feeling all round. Making friends is very hard if you are actively trying to make friends. Focusing instead on an activity you enjoy, and even on helping other people, can lead to shared experiences that THEN result in friendship, and that's how friendships just start. You can't force it. If you set out to create it, friendship is elusive. But if you forget all about wanting friends, it can creep up on you and take you unawares and one day you're sitting in a group drinking coffee or walking along chatting to someone and before you know it the friendship is growing.
I think that's your way forward, both in practical suggestions and in attitude and focus. Oh, and also "pretending" to yourself thhat you're a confident happy person, acting the part to yourself and pretending that you're very positive, can end up with you discovering that you really are. I've used that technique in situations where I'm really nervous, and "putting on a front" can be really effective.
Sorry this is so long. I hope some of it might be useful!
