"One of them said if I dont go to meeting I'm just letting Satan in."
Make them prove this is true using only the bible. Bring out to them that people in other religions say the same thing to their loved ones. It is nothing more than a guilt trip tactic.
"My husband and I both thought they where totally not going to want to talk to us again. I feel uncomfortable around them and anxious."
I know how you feel. I am living it right now. It all depends on your family. There are some families that will treat you like you are disfellowshipped. They are hard-liners. They take the stance that you "know the truth" and by not going to meetings you are no better than a disfellowshipped person. There are some families that will look upon you with pity. They will think you are spiritually and mentally weak. They won't withdraw completely but they will curb much association with you. And then there are the liberal types. These are few and far between, but they will continue to love you no matter what. Which family you have.....I don't know.
"She stated if "I keep talking like I am I'm going to get myself disfellowshiped. ""Do I know what that means. You have a lot to lose. I wont speak to you anymore. You will loose most of your family""
Exactly. This religion is not christianity. It is an authoritarian structure where you dare not question the leaders.
"I dont want my baby to not have family and feel insecure. I want him to feel well loved. I dont want to take that away from him."
Keep in mind that the most IMPORTANT thing is that you and your husband are in this together. You are damn lucky in that regard. Regardless of what happens....if you and hubby are together and you love those kids with all your heart.......that is ALL they need. Extended family is a bonus. But keep in mind what extended family means for you. If your kids stay the night with grandma and grandpa.....cult indoctrination will likely occur. Grandma and grandpa know that you dont go to meetings so they will feel like it is their God-given duty to instruct your kids with witness teachings. The more your kids are around witness family....the more they'll be exposed to indoctrination.
Sadly, your mother is "captive to the concept" that the society is God's one and only organization and even when they are wrong....they are right. If you haven't done so....read Captives of a Concept by Don Cameron. It explains perfectly why witnesses think exactly like your mom does. You can be an inactive witness.....yet still be so captive to the fear and authoritarian rule of the society.
Don't discuss doctrine or errors anymore. Their minds are programmed to shut down and go into defense mode when they hear it.
Above all else.....the biggest challenge for me was to try to remain calm. It is so easy to want to lash out and it is easy to get angry over the fact you've been duped. But remember.....your family are nothing more than victims.....just like you were. Only......they don't yet KNOW they are victims.