Sorry to hear about your troubles Freeof1914.
I came to the conclusion that despite enormous will-power, the Christian life (as described in the NT) cannot be lived out without being born again. Thankfully the bible does not reccommend the try harder-run faster-jump higher advice of the WT writers. The WT has it wrong. The human will is not enough for people to live out the life many want - freedom from sin.
For me, the harder I tried to live the idyllic life that I wanted, the worse it got. After a while, it made me feel crazy. Willpower looks good on the outside only. The KJV goes so far as to call in idolatry - worship of willpower. I found the the WT advice on sin to be nothing short of toxic.
Colossians 2:23 Which things have indeed a shew of wisdom in will worship,
Romans 11:6 And if by grace , then is it no more of works: otherwise grace is no more grace . But if it be of works, then is it no more grace : otherwise work is no more work .
If the human will was enough to please God, (or ourselves for that matter) what did Jesus die for? Working for salvation is a slap in God's face and only racks up more sin debt that we owe:
Romans 4:4 Now to him that worketh, is the reward not reckoned of grace , but of debt.
Welcome to the forum.