.....utterly broken hearted and shattered (esp my parents) because they believe I'm going to die. I ache for them because it's all so senseless.
My parents believe this, too.....
It's really depressing to see how this worries them, how my dad sometimes paces the floor at night worrying about me and my DF'd sister and our fate at Armageddon. It's totally wrecking their nerves, especially the fate of my little deceased nephew.
It's depressing to see how my mom is headed (no, barreling) towards a total nervous breakdown; depressing to see how broken-down and worn-out she is under the iron-clad control of my father--who criticizes, belittles and puts her down at every turn--and the WT. I think the above paragraph, and other factors with the WT, is part of what makes my father treat my mother this way. They did not always used to be like this. My mother is a mere shell of her former self--in personality, in appearance, in hygiene.
It's depressing to see how the doomsday mentality is working on her; my youngest sister said she almost had a nervous breakdown on Sept 11. Curled up in a fetal position, moaning. She also had a fender-bender that very nearly sent her off as well. I have NEVER known my mother to behave this way.
It's depressing to see all the wasted talent. So much wasted talent and wasted God-given mental gifts I have seen in the congregations and in my own extended family.
I think the most depressing thing to me, is the state of my youngest sister and her husband. Oodles of utterly wasted talent. Got married WAY too young. My brother-in-law is gay but cannot be "out" with such and remain a JW. He is completely under the control of his vicious, manipulative mother. My youngest sister is in a perpetual state of confusion and bafflement--and completely under the control of my fiercely manipulative parents, who are determined not to "lose" their last child to the "world"--and have used inhuman means to make sure of this.
As a young couple, they absolutely cannot make normal life decisions for themselves. It's just so sad to see how neither of them have any hope in their lives. It's evident in their very carriage--and it's so damn depressing. And they are both so young. I fear for my youngest sis's safety; she has had severe bouts of depression that she is only half-treating (partly from my insistence that she get help, partly from fear of my parents and the WT's stance of mental treatment) and has talked of suicide several times. Her husband is helpless--neither mature enough nor brave enough to take a stand on anything.
They are both financially very badly off, very lonely, with no friends to spend leisure time with. It's depressing to see them take tentative steps towards wanting to socialize with me (after all I was never baptized and never disassociated)--but inching back because of fear of the parents and the WT.
If there is anything about the JW's that totally depresses me--that'd keep me up at night-- it would be her situation. I'm now trying to make an effort not to do this anymore--like someone said, they cannot see that there are any problems. I can only help but so much.
