Hi Tammy,
I want to welcome you to the board.
Yes, healing is often painful. Yes, you will continue to grieve. Yes, the nightmares may continue for many years. I still have them and have been completely out of the Tower since 1989 when I attended my last memorial. I still cry when I read some of the posts on this board.
I admire the fact that you are still coming to this board even though in some ways it is disturbing to you. You may not find many answers to the meaning of life, but the love and support of fellow member on this board are a treasure. We are a family and sometimes we squabble, but there is never a time that one of us will not help you, if we can.
I want to encourage you to keep seeking. It does get better. I promise that it does.
Love,
Robyn