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Posts by Scully
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8
Can an Elder Decline to go to Elder's School?
by VM44 inthe watchtower's goal is to have every elder attend the elder's school.. in the united states the school has been held in patterson, new york, which involves traveling considerable distances for some in order to attend it.. can an elder decline to make the trip?.
what happens if he does decline?.
what makes the elder's school so imporant anyway?
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Scully
Considering that an Elder™ would have to cover his own expenses for accommodation, travel, missed work and other such inconveniences, and they are not compensated in the least for their efforts on any level, to make it mandatory would be laughable. Of course, the WTS likes to dress it up as a Privilege™ that one only gets by invitation, to make it seem way more special than it really is.
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How do you explain JW family members to an Non-JW Child?
by JAG913 ini noticed a post or comment on here awhile ago explaining how someone explained their jw family members to their child (a non-jw).
we both really liked what was said, but can't find it again for the life of us!.
a brief explanation:our child's grandmother and extended family (aunts, uncles, etc.
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Scully
looloo:
we have since found out that my mother in law tells people that i told her " i would rather you never saw my daughter after we move as you are jehovahs witnesses " not true ! she even told my husband that i had said that , i was so cross !
That would not fly with me, not for one second. I'd be on the phone to her so fast it would make her head spin. And I would remind her that Jehovah hates liars and ask her what would the Elders™ in her congregation think of her lying like that? And then ask her to pick up her bible and read John 8:44.
I seriously doubt that she'd gossip about that conversation to anyone.
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2
What does horizontal ridges on nails mean?
by highdose ini've always had this, horizontal depressions in my nails, they eventually grow out, but then another one will appear.
not white ridges just depressions.. any ideas?.
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Scully
A physician told me that it can indicate a change in the rate of growth of the nail, at the level of the nail bed. Kind of like tree rings, maybe?
A neat experiment would be to take dated photographs of the affected nail(s) on a bi-weekly basis for several months (I'd suggest a year or two) to see if there is a seasonal pattern that emerges.
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I Hate My Sister and Am Becoming "Seething and Hateful" Like She Says! Help!
by CrimsonBleu inthis isnt the first time i have posted about problems with one or more of my sisters.
but i need resolve:.
i am disassociated, and have been free for over 25 years.
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Scully
Your mom should have all financial statements sent to where ever she lives. Yes.
It would also be a good idea for you to start figuring out what your sister's expenses are in transporting her to and from appointments. You can figure out mileage using Google Maps. Where I live the going rate for reimbursing someone for vehicle expenses is around $0.50/kilometre or about $0.80/mile. If she has to take unpaid time off work in order to accommodate those appointments, her time should be reasonably compensated as well. That would apply to anyone going out of their way to assist your mother in attending appointments. It probably wouldn't fly if, for example, you brought your mother on a trip to the grocery store that you were making anyway, and picking up things for her at the same time. If you were making such a trip though, I would ring your order and your mom's items through separately, and maintain a ledger for her expenses.
Your mom also MUST STOP letting people use her bank card and giving people her PIN number. That's not to say that you or your sons are untrustworthy - however, your mother doing this could be regarded as a symptom of diminished competence, and it could be detrimental to her in the event of your sister making a claim that your mother is not competent to handle her affairs.
Sometimes I ask my children to run errands for me while I'm at work, or when I have to sleep during the day time when I work night shifts. I don't expect them to spend their own money and I won't give them my bank card or cash. I purchase gift cards for the grocery store, the gas station, Wal-Mart, the local pharmacy, etc. and I give them the list and the gift card they need to complete the purchase. They know better than to stray from the list and they also know to produce the receipt. I also get them gift cards for their favorite things - movies, video stores, fast food, coffee shops etc - to compensate them for their time. Maybe an arrangement like that would work for your mom where your sisters / your boys are concerned. That way she can be generous without being taken advantage of financially.
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How do you explain JW family members to an Non-JW Child?
by JAG913 ini noticed a post or comment on here awhile ago explaining how someone explained their jw family members to their child (a non-jw).
we both really liked what was said, but can't find it again for the life of us!.
a brief explanation:our child's grandmother and extended family (aunts, uncles, etc.
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Scully
We told our children that "Grandma and Grandpa's church doesn't allow them to celebrate birthdays or Christmas or other holidays. They believe that celebrating those things is bad. We believe that celebrating those things are not bad. Those things don't hurt anybody - they make people happy. Grandma and Grandpa can believe what they want, and so can we. We have to respect that Grandma and Grandpa believe what they believe, and they need to respect what we believe and what we do in our home. Since they don't respect what we believe or do in our home, they made a choice to stay away from us. That's too bad, because we love them and we miss them a lot. They can change their minds any time, and they will be able to spend time with us. It's up to them though."
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I Hate My Sister and Am Becoming "Seething and Hateful" Like She Says! Help!
by CrimsonBleu inthis isnt the first time i have posted about problems with one or more of my sisters.
but i need resolve:.
i am disassociated, and have been free for over 25 years.
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Scully
CrimsonBleu
Your initial trip to the bank should be regarded as a "fact finding mission" - do NOT use this to transfer control of your mother's money to YOU, because that would appear to be malicious and conniving on your part. If there is anything amiss with the current arrangement - and even if there isn't, your mother can simply have your sister's privileges to access the account revoked. It may be a pain in the backside for a while for her to do her own bills (you can write the cheques out for her and she can sign them if she needs that kind of help) but if she is competent there is no reason for her not to do this. Your mother can also request a credit report to determine if any credit cards have been ordered in her name or if any loans have been taken out in her name.
At some later point, if she requires power of attorney assistance, then it can be arranged. However, she should be asserting herself to be as independent as possible. Rides to appointments and living arrangements aside, she is not an invalid and she should have access to her money at all times, without other people having access unnecessarily.
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Don't you DARE to get up!!
by stillin9 ininteresting points from this week's wt study (dec 15 2010 study edition):.
par 12: "do i encourage my children not to view the song between the theocratic ministry school and the service meeting or the one between the public talk and the watchtower study as a sort of intermission,an opportunity for them to leave their seats unnecessarily, perhaps just to stretch their legs?".
why do they have to make such a big deal out of everything?
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Scully
When I was a student in college, part of our students' bill of rights included a clause for a 10-minute break for every 50 minutes of lecture time. There is some good research to back up that practice too - peoples' ability to maintain attention and retain information diminishes after the one-hour point, and a quick intermission to get a drink of water or stretch the legs improves concentration and information retention.
In terms of the Kingdom Hall™, the "intermission" provided by the mid-point song also prevents embarrassing "accidents" on the part of toddlers.
I always got criticized for taking my kids for a diaper change at that point of the program. That stopped after a few smelly diapers were left to ripen in my diaper bag during the first half of the meeting.
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I Hate My Sister and Am Becoming "Seething and Hateful" Like She Says! Help!
by CrimsonBleu inthis isnt the first time i have posted about problems with one or more of my sisters.
but i need resolve:.
i am disassociated, and have been free for over 25 years.
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Scully
http://www.womensweb.ca/violence/dv/abuse.php
Types of abuse
Abuse is a pattern of behavior in which physical violence and/or emotional coercion is/are used to gain and maintain power or control in a relationship. Abuse may be continuous, or it may be a single incident of assault. Abuse may be physical, sexual, psychological/emotional, or ecomonomic. It can include threats, the destruction of property, and/or stalking/harassing behavior.
Of particular concern to me are the following:
Psychological or emotional
- Repetitive and excessive criticism
- Humiliation and degradation, which can include swearing, name calling and put-downs
- Restricting or controlling access to personal or social resources or friends
- Homophobic, racist, misogynistic attacks (degrading and hostile remarks about your sexual orientation, heritage, or gender)
- Threats or harm to pets
- [I would suggest that your sister's threats to send your mother to a nursing home counts as emotional abuse]
Economic
- Controlling finances
- Stealing money [There is at least an enormous potential for this kind of abuse to occur]
- Creating debt
- Interfering with employment or education
Here is some information on Elder Abuse, which identifies similar behaviours to what you have described on your older sister's part: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elder_abuse http://www.helpguide.org/mental/elder_abuse_physical_emotional_sexual_neglect.htm
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I Hate My Sister and Am Becoming "Seething and Hateful" Like She Says! Help!
by CrimsonBleu inthis isnt the first time i have posted about problems with one or more of my sisters.
but i need resolve:.
i am disassociated, and have been free for over 25 years.
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Scully
CrimsonBleu:
The quote thing works in Internet Explorer. Copy the selected text and paste in the reply. Highlight the area and using the Styles menu, select the "quote" feature.
Other folks (like me) will copy and paste the text and then apply the indent or italics or bold options instead, or use a different colour.
why am I not privy to Mom's bannk account?
That's a good question. I'd suggest to your mother to contact the bank and have them forward the statements to her directly - it sounds to me that your sister may be siphoning off money and preventing investigation or avoiding suspicion by having the statements sent to her address? When your mom has statements mailed to her, you can sit down with your mother and review the account activity. If there is anything out of order, then your mother has solid evidence and can make a properly informed decision to change the arrangement. As I mentioned before, any changes she makes will have to be done BEFORE informing your older sister so that she cannot try to bully your mother into changing her decision, or make a large withdrawal out of spite while she has an opportunity. I would suggest that this take place on a random trip to the bank - get your sons to drive you and your mother there, sit down with one of the financial advisors and review the account activity, and then if it is necessary, make the changes in access immediately.
You said that your sister is "not mean or abusive, just controlling."
Well, I have news for you. In a relationship, trying to control the other person is abusive. Trying to control the other people by lying about family members so that communication is strained or terminated is abusive. Just because nobody is getting bruises or beatings doesn't mean that abuse isn't taking place. If she is willing to abuse you emotionally and mentally and relationally, there is a strong chance that she is willing to abuse your mother financially too.