It's called Schadenfreude. The WTS grooms them to behave this way.
Posts by Scully
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18JWs react with joy when something bad has happen to inactive or DF'd ones
by Anator ini've noticed when i was an active dub that some jws act joyful whenever they hear that an inactive jw or a df'd person had something bad happen to them.
some have a glee-ful smile and they give that *look* that says, "we told you so".
have you ever experienced what i'm referring to?
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147
So my JW wife cheated on me. Need some help or at least a sympathetic ear.
by JonathanH ini have neither friends nor family to turn to.
the result of being born in a cult.
but i need to talk about this.
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Scully
Yes, she cheated. She became emotionally involved with someone other than you.
You wrote:
she felt like our marriage just wasn't as passionate as it could be, she wanted more sex, but it wasn't my fault, that I am a great lover and she knows I've been working full time and going to school full time and still paying all our bills and managing our house. But she went.
and
we do actually have a happy marriage, I don't know exactly why she did this. We are sexually active and the sex is good, I am exceedingly attentive to her day and night. I treat her like a princess. I write lovey notes in her lunch box sometimes. In English 101 in college this past semester, we had to write an essay on our idea of paradise and mine was just three pages of talking about laying in bed with my wife (It got an A if that matters.) She hung that essay up on the refrigerator. We go on dates and to the movies, even when I am ridiculously busy. We had been on a nice date just the night before.
It seems to me that you both have a very different perception of your relationship. Maybe your communication between yourselves needs to improve so you can both feel that your needs are being met. Probably you have been busy with working and school and despite your perception of attentiveness toward her, her perception is that it isn't what she needs. Maybe she is bored with a perceived lack of attention. Maybe your previous level of attention "spoiled" her and she is acting out in an effort to get attention.
I agree that counselling is imperative. If she says it is "over" with the other guy, she needs to prove it. At the very least, she needs to transfer to a different department within the company she works for so she does not have to deal with the other guy, and if that's not possible, she needs to get another job ASAP. The other thing she needs to address is her naïveté and how she was able to so easily fall for the guy-going-through-a-terrible-divorce-just-looking-for-someone-to-talk-to crap. That is so cliché that it's silly. The first time that guy paid obvious and "awkward" attention to her should have been the LAST time. You didn't mention how long that had been going on prior to it leading up to her going to his place, gussied up in fancy underwear, but there was encouragement on her part and definitely no discouragement from her, or it never would have gone that far. When you don't like that kind of attention from a man in a workplace situation, it's very simple to say "Knock it off, I don't appreciate you doing that" and then file a complaint for sexual harassment if it continues. When you don't want that kind of attention in the workplace, you don't ramp things up by wearing special underwear or respond positively to the attention or agreeing to spend time beyond your work duties with the person who is paying you that kind of attention.
Maybe you need to ask her if she wants out of the marriage, or wants out of the JWs, or both and was using this as a means to an end. It wouldn't be unheard of for someone to do that, even within the JWs. She cheats, gets DFd (although no intercourse may only get her Reproved™), gets Scripturally Divorced™, eventually gets Reinstated™, and is free to remarry. I've heard of cases where a couple goes to the Elders™, one confesses to Adultery™ so they can get a Scriptural Divorce™, the confessor gets DFd (the one with the least to lose socially), and then the other fades because of "depression" or "stress". Both then can pursue new relationships with non-JWs.
You know your wife better than we do, so you'd probably have a better handle on her motivations and any underlying desires to leave the JWs. Even if you think you have answers from her, you owe it to yourselves to get some counselling so that you both have all your cards on the table in order to make a fresh start if that is what you both want.
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And so this is Christmas ....
by talesin inhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbksgaxqy2k.
"an eye for an eye, will make us all blind" ~ john lennon.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbksgaxqy2k.
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Scully
I still have a hard time believing that it's been 31 years since we lost John Lennon. It feels like it was just yesterday.
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MONTREAL MASSACRE REMEMBERED ... please join with me in this ...
by talesin inplease hear this song in rememberance of the women massacred on this day ....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvzdwvmmutm.
tal .
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57
It's my birthday :-)
by poopsiecakes in...and i'm shamelessly looking for love from my jwn peeps!
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Scully
Happy birthday, poopsiecakes!! etc, etc.
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66
Born ins..Were You Forced to Be a JW Growing Up?
by LostGeneration inmyth: parents who are jehovahs witnesses.
force their children to follow their faith.. fact:witness parents strive to inculcate love.
for god in their offspring, just as the bible.
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Scully
I was threatened with being kicked out of the house if I didn't smarten up and do what they wanted me to do. They'd also give me the silent treatment for days on end, to teach me what it would be like if I were ever DFd.
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22
The "Jo Ho Ho" project
by Earnest inthese are photos of the felixstowe kingdom hall in suffolk , england , after it received some free decorations from an anonymous group calling themselves the johoho project.
it is thought that the group limit their activities to felixstowe at the moment although other cells throughout the country are thought to be lying dormant.
the police are recording it as a religious hate crime (which tells you more about our crazy government than it does about jws)..
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Scully
Several years in a row while I was growing up in the JWs, our house got egged on Hallowe'en because we didn't hand out candy.
I guess that was a hate crime in both directions. Or Karma.
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15
"Hospitality"?
by NCO inhad to meet my parents not too long ago for some family business and while working out the time for that sunday, they said they had the meeting and then following the meeting they had "hospitality" for an hour or so.. now i've been out for going on 20 years and somewhat out of the loop.
needless to say i've never heard of that.
i've been to other churches where they have the sanctuary and then the fellowship hall where the members go and eat after the service.
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Scully
LOL @ Mary
Imagine that, a family with worse table manners than yours!! LOL
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15
"Hospitality"?
by NCO inhad to meet my parents not too long ago for some family business and while working out the time for that sunday, they said they had the meeting and then following the meeting they had "hospitality" for an hour or so.. now i've been out for going on 20 years and somewhat out of the loop.
needless to say i've never heard of that.
i've been to other churches where they have the sanctuary and then the fellowship hall where the members go and eat after the service.
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Scully
While growing up I remember our family was asked to invite a visiting Speaker™ and his family over for lunch after the Sunday Meeting™. Without being told who it was, and anxious to accept whatever Privileges™ were offered, my dad agreed.
Turned out to be one of those families who are so frikkin' strange that nobody wanted to be around them. Their several kids were absolute animals, without any table manners at all, and the parents weren't much better. We were so accustomed to having a relaxing enjoyable meal, but this time as soon as the word "Amen" came out of my dad's mouth, it was a bloody free-for-all grab fest by the visiting kids, with the parents doing absolutely nothing to control their brats. It was a simple meal of soup with cold cuts, cheese, bread and condiments for sandwiches, but it looked like crime scene after they left.
I think that was the first and last time my folks welcomed any visiting Speakers™ or their families to come over for a meal. My mother put the skids to it after that family left. I think my parents were beyond gobsmacked by the horrid behaviour we had all witnessed.
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15
Do you get constant "digs" by JWs that still talk with you?
by skeeter1 inmy personal story: i grew up as a jw, left, went to college, and have a career.
i have a spouse, married for many moons, wonderful kids, normal house, cute dog, and newer cars.
the "american dream".
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Scully
It's simple.
She's miserable and she is trying to find a way to make you miserable or at least unhappy with your life. She's been promised her whole life that if she did what the WTS said, she wouldn't want for anything - and then she sees you and this other relative who are not JWs having material success through hard work and planning (imagine that!), and it creates emotional turmoil for her in the form of jealousy and hostility, which makes her want to have someone else to justify her feelings (you).
What seems to work for me with that kind of person is to (a) make a point of telling them how satisfied you are with life the way it is (b) make sure they know that you are super-pleased for the person you are being compared to, and (c) ask them why they seem so jealous of someone who has worked hard for everything they have and is successful in their life.
Taking the high road seems to shut them up too: "It's really not polite to 'keep score' or make these kinds of comparisons. It just makes you look petty and jealous of them, when you could be happy for them."
