Thanks, good and dear Farkel for bringing us up to date.
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Sentinel
JoinedPosts by Sentinel
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23
Maximus Unwell!
by Farkel inat least his wife says so.
this is confirmed.
i may talk with him this week, if he is up to it.
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10
speaking of blood, i just talked to my mom and she said...
by dh ini talked to my mom on the phone the other day she is a jw, she knows full well what i think of the jw garbage, and i have tried to make her see it, but it's not use, so i don't go on about it much, aside from the occasional comment to see what the reaction will, in good humour of course... anyway, the other day i was struggling to think of topics we could talk about (typical son/mother relationship) so in my usual amused way i asked what she thought about the new view the society had on blood parts... i was expecting something but i didn't know what.... anyway, my mom calmly as if nothing was amiss, told me that it hasn't changed really, and that 'it doesn't matter anyway, because blood was always a conscience matter' now i love my mom, but this blew me away, i know of, and she knows people who have died because of blood, and she would still probably do it, but more to the point, haven't people been df'd for having blood transfusions?
good grief, if blood is a conscience matter and always was, why the hell so many people die and whose conscience lets their kid die?.
pffffffffff
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Sentinel
You are so right! They will "say" it is a "matter of conscience", but if someone is having surgery, the elders make it their business from day one. A good JW will never turn away a "concerned elder" at their side during such terrible times as surgery. If the patient takes blood/or is given blood by another family member's directive, there is a full blown internal investigation, which usually results in df'g. And, they always seem to know. They get into the hospital. They speak with the doctors. They make it their business.
My mother knew it was a df'g matter and that is why she was so firm to her end. When she went into cardiac arrest, the doctor told us that "normally" the patient is immediately given whole blood. He said his heart was broken because he realized he would lose his patient, a firm and steadfast JW. He indicated to us that if she'd had whole blood, she might well have survived. There were two brothers that came to the hospital and spoke with the doctor along with my mother the morning of the surgery. They went over the entire blood issue thing with the doctor at my mother's request, so there would be no questions.
But we can't go back. We can't change other people, even those we love. This is where letting go is the most difficult. And when we lose someone who held fast to their belief structure as a JW, we have to learn that this is indeed their choice. And we should respect that it is their choice, no matter how we might feel.
The society has always been very good at sending mixed messages to their followers. Their written words and verbal words remind me of visiting an attorney's office for direction and then reading the state legal codes. This is the way attorneys keep things under control and for the most part make their client feel as if there is just no way they could properly interpret legal code or figure it out for themselves.
/<
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44
Why cannot some people say the words..."I love you".
by gumby inno.....i'm not gittin all mushy and stuff.......but i want to know why.. during a visit with my sis, we discussed how some have trouble expressing affection with love to the ones closest to them such as spouses, parents, or children.
about a week or so later, i talk to a friend i used to work with and he's telling me of how he and his wife are like strangers.
i asked him if he made her feel loved.
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Sentinel
It seems that lots of the "baby boomers" have suffered with the inability to express deep love--especially parents toward children, and especially father's toward daughters. This is just a generalization, but in my experience among my family and friends, it seems to have some merit.
Oh how I wanted a hug and a "I love you" from my father. I got it all the time from my dear mother, but not from my father when I needed it the most--in my tender years and growing up. It was only in the last ten years of his life that he began to loosen up a bit. The hugs were still "guarded", but there were lots more "I love you's". The sad thing is, although I feel it is never too late, and I'm so glad he was able to be more expressive, our family had already suffered through great tragedies, and most of the siblings did not feel his love. Oh, he provided for his children....food, clothing and shelter, but he just was never there. We didn't know him. I needed that so badly and I practically begged for it, but it never came. I was actually pushed away and the memories are still there.
I do try to dwell on the positive these days. I have reviewed my "young perceptions" of life, and I have readjusted my cognition, and the pain is put away. But it affected my life, and it still does. If you love someone, but you don't show it, for whatever reason, both people are being cheated out of a beautiful thing. Also, if you tell someone you love them, but act completely opposite, you send conflicting messages of what love really is.
Love, Karen
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33
Can anyone help me? Loved one being torn away
by heart broken ini am not going to divulge any names or contact details as i do not what this being taken much further.. i will cut to the chase, i have fallen in love with a jehova's witness.
i am not a jehova's witness... can you see where this is going?
i have been told that her being in love with me is strictly against jw "policy"... now, i have been scowering the net for days now, becomming increasingly insomniate and i have to admit, i have found nothing to support this warning.
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Sentinel
If this is an experience you are meant to travel "though" in your life, you will do what your heart tells you. It seems the heart wins out in most cases like this, despite the great pain it may bring later. These are how we learn our lessons in the journey of the soul.
Having hope is never wrong when you love someone. Knowing when to let go is usually the most difficult. I hope it works out for you. Trying to change another person, even with the best of intentions usually fails and it is heartbreaking.
Love,
Karen/Sentinel
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108
Sad News...
by Sentinel inmy mom had her valve replacement and triple by-pass surgery today.
the operation lasted five hours, and they had just gotten her to her room at 8:00pm when she went into cardiac arrest.
the doctor tried everything, even opening up her chest and massaging her heart.
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Sentinel
Well what a day this has been. My brother has been sick for two days, and my next sister is going into the hospital due to her Hepatitis C flare-up and resulting shingles. She's in pretty bad shape.
Today it was my task to critique the obituary that was written up for the paper in Florida, which we all did through emails back and forth and back and forth; and they commissioned me to do the one for our home town in Maryland. I'm glad that's done. Reading and re-reading it and making changes, etc. was quite depressing.
There will be a memorial "talk" on Monday July 5th at five PM at her KH. Seems they really had a time trying to "fit" mom in. (she will have been dead nineteen days.) I did write something up and my brother will give it to the speaker with "our" wishes that it be included. It's doubtful that anything outside of the rigid speech will be included, but one can always hope.
I'm depressed, but that is normal. I've broken down a bit more today, but that's okay. Grieving has many facets. I've lost a first husband, dear friends and family, my dad, and now my mom. Each grief is different.
I don't know if I should keep posting on this thread, or let it close and just update everyone on a another thread later on.You have shown me so much love. My husband says you all must care for me so much to post all the condolences that are here. And they keep coming. Thank you so very much!
Love, Karen
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5
The Waiting Game...
by Sentinel inas most of you know, my ever-faithful sweet little jw mom (79) has had prior scheduled surgeries called off at the last minute.
she called me tuesday evening(6/15) to advise me her open heart surgery was back on--for "today" (6/17) she resides over a thousand miles away and is actively shunning her non-jw offspring.
not much notice, and none of her children will be with her in person.
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108
Sad News...
by Sentinel inmy mom had her valve replacement and triple by-pass surgery today.
the operation lasted five hours, and they had just gotten her to her room at 8:00pm when she went into cardiac arrest.
the doctor tried everything, even opening up her chest and massaging her heart.
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Sentinel
This morning I finally called my mom's sister--they had made a home together for the past six months, having both lost their husbands. My aunt is also a very faithful JW. She has taken this loss very hard, so I gave her a couple days and then phoned her first thing this morning.
She said she understood the great emotional burden that we children carried because of mom's strict and unrelenting attempt to follow rules and regulations of an organization as she saw it. She was very comforting but broke down completely, and I became the one comforting her as we both cried together.
Mom has already been cremated. When the "talk" is given, she will have already been dead for sixteen days. She left her body when her soul departed and the shell that remained is now the dust of the earth. She is reunited with her soul and what was "her essence" while here becomes a part of the One again, as they travel where it is that soul's go after they vacate the host body. I do know my mother has a beautiful soul. Whatever she did or did not do in regard to her religion and her shunning of her own children, she did so because she believed that is what god was asking of her.
The words that I would like to have read at the memorial would hopefully be a comfort to my brother and his wife, and to her sister, brother and friends there. Seeds can be planted in very tactful ways. I want so much to plant a seed in someone's heart through the words that I say. I realize that "they" all have a different belief system and I know what that is, but I still know that so many are full of pain and unhappiness deep inside. They need to know that being on the "outside" is not a death sentence, but instead a step to learning how to live a beautiful and fulfilled life as the creature we were meant to be. The creator knows the heart, and our soul is bound up in us, traveling with us, experiencing with us in our human form, and there to help us if and when we make the connection. You see, as my mother connected once again with her soul at her death, she instantly "knew". So, she understands all now, and all is well with her and with those she leaves behind. This gives me comfort. I hold no bitterness for the faith and belief system she lived. This was her journey that we lived with her. There is no organization to blame. Everyone chooses their own path. This is the path she chose to the end. This is where she opens the door, looks back and smiles, and passes through. The door is left open, but we must close it and let her go. We must find a way to live without her in physical form.
Just some thoughts this day..
Love, Karen
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108
Sad News...
by Sentinel inmy mom had her valve replacement and triple by-pass surgery today.
the operation lasted five hours, and they had just gotten her to her room at 8:00pm when she went into cardiac arrest.
the doctor tried everything, even opening up her chest and massaging her heart.
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Sentinel
I am overwhelmed by such a generous response by everyone here. I read and re-read your condolences, take your hugs and it all helps me so much.
Perhaps someone can give me a bit of advise on something. They will be having a memorial "talk" for my mom in her KH on July 3rd. My brother and his wife will attend. We three sisters who were being shunned will not be attending in person. He says that if I/we want to write something up, that he will give it to the Elder to read outloud during this "talk". My mind is ticking with this, as I would have to carefully express my personal feelings and loss as her daughter, without offending anyone there.
Do you think the Elder would actually read everything that I write? Or would he edit it and leave out things he deemed inappropriate for his sheep to take into their minds?
Today, we siblings worked together by email and phone as to the wording for the obituary. Thankfully, we are in agreement about everything. She did have a Will and my brother is executor. He still asks our opinion about everything.
I notice that each day is different in the aftermath of the news. Today I woke up with a sore throat and just didn't do much of anything. I was more depressed today. Hubby took me out for lunch and then I went to bed and slept for three hours. Then I got up and he took me out for dinner. I can't seem to look at any pictures of her right now. She still feels so close...and her death seems like a bad dream.
/<
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108
Sad News...
by Sentinel inmy mom had her valve replacement and triple by-pass surgery today.
the operation lasted five hours, and they had just gotten her to her room at 8:00pm when she went into cardiac arrest.
the doctor tried everything, even opening up her chest and massaging her heart.
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Sentinel
Needless to say, I have been in a daze today. There have been many phone calls and my siblings are leaning on me to help them through this.
It's hard. It hurts so deep. But when I checked here just a moment ago and read every one of your heartfelt messages to me, I was overcome with appreciation and thanks to each of you. This response from all of you has meant the world to me. My tears now are for the joy of how human beings can truly reach out and touch one another.
Just got back from the doctor. Had to get checked out and get something to help me sleep. I'm trying to keep myself occupied. It has been a very rough year for me. I have received some beautiful pm's on here as well. Just awesome!!
I'm going to try to take a nap right now, as my siblings have arranged a "family conference call" for later this evening. We are all over the US...CA, TX, FL, and VA. I have lots of love and support from my loved ones.
Karen
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108
Sad News...
by Sentinel inmy mom had her valve replacement and triple by-pass surgery today.
the operation lasted five hours, and they had just gotten her to her room at 8:00pm when she went into cardiac arrest.
the doctor tried everything, even opening up her chest and massaging her heart.
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Sentinel
My mom had her valve replacement and triple by-pass surgery today. The operation lasted five hours, and they had just gotten her to her room at 8:00PM when she went into cardiac arrest. The doctor tried everything, even opening up her chest and massaging her heart. He tried a full half hour, but there was no life. She was gone and he was so devestated to have lost his patient.
My mom passed away at 8:30PM this evening. She was almost 80--next month. She was a very good woman and a very faithful JW. The blood issue never even became a problem during surgery.
This is a very emotional and sad time for me--especially getting this news so late in the evening.
Karen