Well I did it.. I attended the Zoom memorial ( in respect for my mum). It was very strange to say the least. Everyone had bread and wine at their houses. For those who didn't, the speaker held the emblems in front of the camera. Needless to say, I had my camera off. To be honest, I can't really put into words how I'm feeling at the moment ( 1 hour after it has finished). I was so nervous to the point where I almost passed out and yet I also felt empty inside. I looked at them and thought," These are my enemies"...and yet looking at them I kind of felt like they were long lost family.
Someone asked me once if there was anything I missed about being a JW. Instantly, I said it was the sense of brotherhood. I always felt like no matter where I went in the world, if I went to a meeting I felt like they were my family... and now when I attended, I felt like an outsider... Sorry if this is a ramble, I'm just trying to sort out my feelings.