I am a small hermit crab, originally from the Florida Keys near Bahia Honda, a hermit crab that had once donned a beautiful conch shell on my back, that which served as my home. Several winters ago, as I was scavenging for food on the shore, a young man tore me out of my shell on and decided to take me to his native Toronto. He "needed a pet", he said. Hours later, I found myself lunching with the boys family, explaining the mysteries of marine life. They seemed like good people; all was well.
A few days passed until I saw the light of day again (having been travelling in a suitcase) upon when, this young man presented me with a newer, but much less desirable home as my conch had been -- an impossibly large, rancid pumpkin seed.
I grudgingly bore the seed as I bear it now. Thomas has been good to me. In Toronto, Thomas explained, hermit crabs didn't have to pay for rent, internet access, cable, or even plankton. I was floored, I mean really!? How often does a crab like me get a break like this? I was in Utopia!
Thomas selflessly took the time to show me how to type 'hunt and peck' style, as one would expect a crab to do. He also brought me to church meetings, where I was baptized as a full fledged member of Jehovahs Witnesses. While I did not molest children, or batter my wife, I was guilty of swimming in the toilet and sewer system during songs, or impossibly long and boring discourses. This wild and reckless abandon eventually led to a downward spiral affect on my spirituality. Service hours dropped. I was constantly finding reasons to cancel talks, to miss meetings, anything. Why? Something wasn't right -- I felt something was rotten in this place of hope, something evil and rotten. This once meek, and spiritually strong, large smelly pumpkin seed bearing hermit crab, had become a spiritually lawless, bad seed. A real hater of Jehovah. The rest of the story, as this board can contest -- is history.