Rush, it's very understandable why you are feeling these feelings. My mother and I locked horns many times on our views at times. There was a time when she didn't speak to me for almost 10 years. Long story short, at her death in 1999, we were on good terms even though I had disassociated myself. It was a tough period, but I can say that I am finding peace with things, even learning to forgive her and myself for things, realizing that a person cannot give me what they don't have. Be proud of yourself for standing up for yourself, for showing that you have a brain and one that you are willing to use! I have some siblins that are still in the org. and the way I look at it, is they are hurting too. I look back on our dysfuntional childhood and I can't hate them for the choices they've made. How can I expect them to respect my beliefs if I can't respect theirs. Yes, it's unfortionate that I'm not able to see them, but that's life and I've learned to deal with it, and you will learn to deal with it and be okay. I've got other siblins that I'm really close to. I take what I've got and I'm thankful for that. You are not alone in your feelings. And I've learned it's very healthy and healing to talk about it sometimes. You hang in there and realize that your depression will pass too. Many many people have to deal with depression, including myself at times, but just know that things in life don't stay the same, so it will pass. There are good anti-depressants out there that work well for many people too. My advise would be to just back off alittle, let things settle down, then just lay low and try to avoid toxic situations, whomever it may be.
Hang in there! It does get better, I promise!