Hi, Playground -- sometimes the hardest thing is when your inner voice tells you to do the right thing but it goes against the social structure of those you associate with. But you must remember this: Abuse only gets worse. Always. You do not deserve to live the rest of your life in a horrible marriage because some men called elders tell you that you should.
PLEASE know that you have a right to a happy life, and that you are not the only jw this has happened to. And getting divorced, if it comes to that, is not a df'ing offense. You cannot worry about what other people think of you and your situation. You must remember your life is precious, you are precious, and you must protect yourself. You deserve to be happy -- happy, not miserable.
Please trust your heart. You know this is wrong. You must get out of this situation somehow. You can count on the friends here on this board to support you and give you good advice. Please, if there's any way for you to move to a new area, do that. You'd be amazed at how much inner strength you can have. Remember what freddo (an elder for twenty years) said a few posts ago -- he said get out, get out now, get as far away from the situation as possible. Why? Because he's seen what happens when women don't. He doesn't want you to be abused, he wants you to be happy. We all want you to be happy. Please think about this. I know you're in a tough spot, maybe it seems like you can't get out, but think about the advice you'd give your best friend if you knew this was happening to her -- would you want her to stay and take it, or would you want her to protect herself and get away? It won't be easy, but please be your own best friend in this. Love yourself. This has to be all about you and protecting yourself now.
Warm hugs, wishing you strength to make new choices. cBg