Posts by WildTurkey

Bring a cell phone and order a pizza when the Elders starts talking Stare off into space and blow spit bubbles.

Bring a Gameboy and leave the volume at full.

Wait until everybody is completely focused on thehearing, then blow a referee's whistle as loud as you can. Point to one of the elders and tell him to "stop it!"
Dress up like Santa Claus

Keep going to the bathroom, then tell the elders they are out of toilet paper
Complain aloud about that nasty wedgie you have When asked to produce evidence, pick your nose, smear the snot on the table, point to it and say, "From this it is obvious, I am not guilty!"

Fart, pause momentarily, and comment under your breath, "I've done better..."

Fart again later on, take a deep breath and state enthusiastically "Now that's more like it!". When they Df me reply "How about we try that again, this time Rock, Scissors, Paper - best of three!"

Bring toaster and wave a box of "Tropical Sprinkles Pop Tarts" around while asking "Where's a damn plug around here!".

Edited by - WildTurkey on 23 June 2002 14:1:14

34

Surefire Ways To Know You're A Woman...

by WildTurkey in

you are a bitch.. when asked 'is something bothering you?

' reply 'no' then get pissed off when you are believed.. become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties, start dating him, and immediately expect him to stop this behavior... always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.. always hide very important events in very unimportant terms so you can have something to be pissed about when your boyfriend declines because he has pressing business, i.e.

you say 'it's no big deal, but i was wondering if you would like to visit my parents with me if you are not busy this weekend.

WildTurkey

Just like to take this time to thank all the guys in here for helping me, and thanks to Simon for throwing me under the bus. LoL

52

What are you now???

by SpiceItUp in

jw
friends

i am sure this question has been posted by someone before ...but it wasn't by me so it doesnt count..lol .

to those that post here do you..... a. consider yourself christian.

b. consider yourself pagan.

WildTurkey

Deist here.

34

Surefire Ways To Know You're A Woman...

by WildTurkey in

you are a bitch.. when asked 'is something bothering you?

' reply 'no' then get pissed off when you are believed.. become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties, start dating him, and immediately expect him to stop this behavior... always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.. always hide very important events in very unimportant terms so you can have something to be pissed about when your boyfriend declines because he has pressing business, i.e.

you say 'it's no big deal, but i was wondering if you would like to visit my parents with me if you are not busy this weekend.

WildTurkey

OH! I forgot LOL

34

Surefire Ways To Know You're A Woman...

by WildTurkey in

you are a bitch.. when asked 'is something bothering you?

' reply 'no' then get pissed off when you are believed.. become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties, start dating him, and immediately expect him to stop this behavior... always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.. always hide very important events in very unimportant terms so you can have something to be pissed about when your boyfriend declines because he has pressing business, i.e.

you say 'it's no big deal, but i was wondering if you would like to visit my parents with me if you are not busy this weekend.

WildTurkey

Maybe, I should have left the bitch part out huh. I really didn't mean to offend anyone thats why I posted it in the joke topics. Really I dont have anything against women, I think every man should own one.

34

Surefire Ways To Know You're A Woman...

by WildTurkey in

you are a bitch.. when asked 'is something bothering you?

' reply 'no' then get pissed off when you are believed.. become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties, start dating him, and immediately expect him to stop this behavior... always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.. always hide very important events in very unimportant terms so you can have something to be pissed about when your boyfriend declines because he has pressing business, i.e.

you say 'it's no big deal, but i was wondering if you would like to visit my parents with me if you are not busy this weekend.

WildTurkey

Hey Simon, I thought you had my back. You think, I have time to edit?

34

Surefire Ways To Know You're A Woman...

by WildTurkey in

you are a bitch.. when asked 'is something bothering you?

' reply 'no' then get pissed off when you are believed.. become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties, start dating him, and immediately expect him to stop this behavior... always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.. always hide very important events in very unimportant terms so you can have something to be pissed about when your boyfriend declines because he has pressing business, i.e.

you say 'it's no big deal, but i was wondering if you would like to visit my parents with me if you are not busy this weekend.

WildTurkey

You are a Bitch.

When asked 'Is something bothering you?' reply 'no' then get pissed off when you are believed.

Become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties, start dating him, and immediately expect him to stop this behavior..

Always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.

Always hide very important events in very unimportant terms so you can have something to be pissed about when your boyfriend declines because he has pressing business, i.e. You say 'It's no big deal, but I was wondering if you would like to visit my parents with me if you are not busy this weekend.' when you mean 'It means a great deal to me for you to see my family with me this weekend whether or not it is possible!'

Whine

If you are trying to sleep, it's because you're exhausted from your almost superhuman level of daily achievement; if he is trying to sleep it's because he is lazy.

No matter what the activity, he doesn't do it as well as a past boyfriend.

If he pays attention to you, he is smothering you.

If he gives you space, he is ignoring you.

Complain

Hate any bar he likes

Demand to be treated as an equal in everything - except when paying for meals, airplane tickets, concerts, beers, clothes, etc. - these are required gifts proving his love.

Declare PMS at any given time. If he is knowledgeable about your cycle, tell him you're irregular from all the stress of your life.

Remember that ANY woman who so much as stares at your boyfriend must be labeled a WHORE and your network of friends must be informed immediately to spread this as quick as possible.

Make his life miserable by making him feel guilty about doing anything other than catering to your needs.

Break into tears for no apparent reason.

Ask for help in some endeavor then become livid when it is given.

Insinuate yourself into your boyfriend's group of friends, break up with him, then make sure you are present at every gathering for the next month just to rub it in.

20

Aren't week-ends just great?

by Sadie5 in

jw
friends

now that you're out of the borg and don't have to get up saturdays to peddle magazines, try to fit in the family watchtower study, get up sunday mornings to rush off to the kingdom hall, do you feel like week-ends are great?

it feels great just to sleep late on one or two of those days if i want to.

i can spend hours on the internet or read a whole newspaper.

WildTurkey

Half the weekend is great!! the other half sucks, I think it has to do with my hangovers.

19

How crucial Dad's are for daughters....

by Mimilly in

jw
friends

after physio today, i got on the bus to head home.

in a sleepy daze, i walked down the aisle looking for a seat on the mostly full bus.

my eyes then looked to the left and my heart went into the pit of my stomach.

WildTurkey

Great post, Mimilly. Its encouraging to hear a person speaking from the heart. Im sorry for your pain.