I'm still fighting tying my self worth to what I can accomplish, like in a list, which I purposelly fail at so that I can beat myself up over how worthless I am. It's a vicious cycle, because I certainly can't fulfill all the duties on my list in one day, and especially when I so down about the day before I don't have the energy to finish everything, so it goes on and on. I know this is unhealthy, so someday I hope to figure out how to fix it. hows that for a cheery post. geez. sorry.
yumbby
JoinedPosts by yumbby
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46
How Do You Measure Your Self Worth?
by minimus inhow do you feel about yourself?
do you struggle with what kind of person that you are?
do you feel happy, empty, or are are you apathetic?
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Should we care about "lurkers"?
by expatbrit inive noticed some discussion on the question of whether we should be concerned about moderating our behaviour because of what lurking jws will think.
should we be concerned about scaring off jws who may be starting to question the wt, or should anything go because if they can't deal with the real world it's not our problem and we should be ourselves?.
the following are some of my thoughts.
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yumbby
One more thing. sorry, I reread the first post and I must append. I feel that we have all gotten comfortable with each other like we are hanging out in each others homes, and in a way we are... so we "let our hair down" as the saying goes, and probably to an outsider somethings would be offensive, and this is I guess a public forum, however anyone reading for more than a couple minutes could tell this is not a pro-watchtower site. And I've belonged to a lot of discussion and chat groups, and all of the healing ones, whether it is from abuse, religion, drugs or whatever, start to get the flavor and attitudes of this one, I think its the support forum way, it just seems to always follow this path when it is a support sort of forum. If you've ever spent time in a mental hospital or home, or even group therapy session, you'll see a lot of the same behaviour exhibited here. So in that way, It really wouldn't appeal to a regular joe on the street, because really he wouldn't understand what is behind a lot of what everyone says. wow. I'm really rambling. sorry.
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Should we care about "lurkers"?
by expatbrit inive noticed some discussion on the question of whether we should be concerned about moderating our behaviour because of what lurking jws will think.
should we be concerned about scaring off jws who may be starting to question the wt, or should anything go because if they can't deal with the real world it's not our problem and we should be ourselves?.
the following are some of my thoughts.
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yumbby
I guess I'll add my opinion all with the others. I feel to change the way we are and what we say in case someone might see us is really an insult to to some lurkers intelligence. If we are all adults, when we or someone else sees an argument or a lewd conversation, the reasonable thing most people do is to just not be a part of it if it makes you uncomfortable. And if you are afraid it might turn off "potential apostates" you have to look at the purpose of this site. Is it really strictly an informational site? no. Is is strictly a support site? Is is just a place for people to talk? no. but maybe all of the above, and I think that anyone with half a brain that vists can discern that after just a few minutes reading especially the nice way simon has laid out the forum topics. I don't think we should worry about lurkers, if its a true blue witness, then they won't come back, if its someone just questioning, I think (maybe wrongly) that they will be attracted to everyone's friendliness and there complete unwitness like behavior. I know I was. It was were I could finally talk freely, with like minded people who understood were I was coming from. And If i'm offended by a post I simply read something else. No one is forcing it on me. The world is getting so politically correct, soon we will be refering to each other as homo sapiens, or humans, and not be gender specific, and we'll be forced to call our dogs canines out of fear of hurting there feelings. Everything is just getting out of hand. well... just my opinion, about as important as nothing, but there you go.
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Evil CO's wives
by PopeOfEruke indoes anyone remember particularly evil wives of circuit overseers?.
i remember one, a little chinese "lady" known as norma.
absolutely hated kids.
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yumbby
I have lots of CO stories, but the one i remember most is a really really skinny CO wife who would only wear 6 inch heels and absoulutely refused to go out in service with her husband, because all she wanted to do out in service was go to yard sales, and he would fuss at her about it. I was a kid and totally dedicated. I thought at the time she was horrible, but now I think she had the right idea! We spent the entire weekend yard saling and placing brochures at the houses!
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open marriages, anyone have experience?
by Pierced Angel inwell, my husband found out about my affair (yes, i gave in to the temptation with the soccer player and while it was fantastic, it's over now) and it's been a devestating time, we almost got divorced, but we're working through it.
i knew telling friends and this board wasn't going to help me fight his romantic advances, but i tried.
it was a one time thing that would have continued, but i wasn't too careful about the clues (guilty conscience i think).
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yumbby
I feel that I MUST reply to this thread, as it seems to be about my life. LOL. Anyway, my husband and I have an open marriage. It didn't happen overnight, slowly like a light dawning. First off, the idea of monogamy is mainly a christian one, instilled into us by our society. Well, what if you don't adhere to christian beliefs anymore??? You have to find where your limits are all over again. Just for the record, now that I have redefined my "morals" and my "beliefs" I feel a hundred times more spiritual and really a better person because now I'm honest and I don't do or not do things because someone told me that's how to feel. This is just my two cents, but neither my husband nor I (excuse my grammar) have had much "sexual experience" before getting married. Me none at all, he was married before me to his first girlfriend. His only sexual partner. Anyway, due to problems in our relationship, I found comfort somewhere else after about four years of marriage. I told my husband immediately. Not only was he not jealous, he just held me as I was wracked with guilt and said "really what does this have to do with you and me?" And he was right. A relationship that consists of two people who truly love each other, and really like each other isn't really affected by a truly physical thing. We do have rules. No long term relationships. But neither of us want that, we have each other.. Our "openess" is based on spontanaity. If my husband is at a science fiction convention without me and a fan follows him around and he has a two day fling... I hope he has a fantastic time. I hope he can treasure the memory and I hope it adds color to his life. Thats what real love is all about. I wish my husbands life to be as full as it can be, any enjoyement he can find in this old world, more power to him. If I'm out clubbing and I get carried away in the moment with someone, okay. And for you guys that think that men can't help but be to jealous, I've done it, no problems. And I'm completely honest with him. He doesn't want all the details but he just waves it away and says "whats for dinner?" or something. I don't think this arrangement will work in all marriages so I'm not promoting it for everybody, but for us, it works well, and has actually increased our trust and dependency on each other as shelters from the outside world. Anyone wants to e-mail me about this, I'd be happy to share the ups and downs.
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Who likes to read fanstasy genre (dragons etc.)
by SheilaM in.
to all:.
my hubby and i are getting ready to self publish his book was wondering if any avid readers would like an excerpt that would be willing to give us feedback on it.
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yumbby
I do I do!!! I would love to read your work. Are you looking for suggestions or just friendly reading?? My husband is the art director for a publishing house that publishes sci/fi, horror, fantasy, and I do readings for them. Proofreading, editing, etc. But I'd be happy to just read for fun, or even perhaps buy it.
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JWS NOT FREE TO FALL IN LOVE
by heyfea inyou know how the society pushes every one to do more, and more, and more....and those who don't do more without a super valid reason (like you're in a coma), are considered not "spiritual", right?
ok, they also tell single brothers and sisters who are pioneers or bethelites that they should only consider marrying those with the same spiritual goals....in other words....choose some one who "loves" jehovah just as much, meaning one who preaches 120 hours a month or works in bethel,etc.....right?
....well i think it is so unfair.. it's already bad enough that we cannot look at another human being from the opposite sex because they are not witnesses (never mind that they are excellent human beings, ones that would ashame many jws)....we also have to keep from falling in love with a pioneer or bethelite (if you are not one, because he or she will not give you the time of day) or from falling in love with a mere publisher ( if you are a pioneer , because the elders will suggest to let it go, and they will try and try until you give it up)( i've witnessed a huge case...that ended in a bethelite and a pioneer dying, litterally) isn't that appaling?
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yumbby
This thread is right on! You should have seen me trying to explain the unwritten "rules" to my worldly husband when he started attending meetings. The rules about who could marry who, who was high enough on the totem for who, who's family could marry into other family's. Why one ugly nerdy pioneer guy was so sought after when the beautiful 18 year old going to college didn't have a chance in hell of getting a date. He couldn't believe it! He is so onary (sp?) that when he would see certain pompus elders or witnesses who would shun me because I married out of the "troof" that he would always make a point of going up to them and acting like they were best friends, he'd hug them or shake there hand, invite them over for a beer... it was hilarious. You should have seen how red there faces were!
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Recovering from shunning
by Elsewhere inhow does one recover from being shunned?
my family is shunning me.
so is everyone i grew up with since i was raised in the borg.
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yumbby
Wow! what an amazing thread! I don't post very often, having gone a year without internet, but I feel that this is one of the most helpful threads ever. I think we all struggle so much with the loss of our family. I have to say Billygoat, your post really hit home with me. So much so I am going to print it and put it on my wall for awhile.
Elswhere. I find your anger toward your family encouraging actually. I think when I started getting angry for myself, that was the beginning of healing. When you realize your worth and begin to think "how dare they treat me that way!" or whatever your thinking to yourself. You have to be careful not to get to wrapped up in the revenge thing though because it ultimately bites you on the butt. My husband and I both have had to find "family" made of friends that appreciate us and love us for who we are, not what we believe in religiously. Pretty soon I think you will begin to feel sorry for your family and grieve for THEIR loss, and realize that you where the one who had to make the hard decisions and feel proud of yourself for not allowing yourself to be one of the mindless sheep. I to struggle with the thoughts of hurting myself to make them hurt, but that is just a fantasy. Because really, they will go back to their little homogenized world and never once question their part in your pain. They would just pity you for being disallusioned, or for your separation from "jehovahs love", or whatever cop out phrase they are using these days.
many hugs,
yumbby
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I married a stranger, did you?
by kenpodragon inin my current life i know a lot of people who live together.
some of them might have done this because they do not like marriage, and others have done this as a step towards getting married.
in all, in my post-witness life i find that i have no problem with either view.
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yumbby
My husband and I knew each other about two weeks when he asked me to marry him, and I was like "What took you so long?". He was seperated from his wife of 10 years, who had decided she wanted to shack up with a workmate, and he wasn't a witness. I was a very devout one. Don't ask how that happened! We were married less than a month later. We are truly soul mates. I am glad every day that we are married. I can say with no reservations that my husband is one of the greatest souls of this planet. I'm all for love at first sight. It really can work. P.S. We'll be married 5 years in January.
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Pay Attention:Appealing an appeal?
by Blueblades inunit 5c,page127.when the disfellowshipping is upheld by the appeal committee,there is no further right to appeal.however,if an individual persists in believing a serious error in judgment has occurred, the appeal committee should inform him that he may submit his allegations in writing to the appeal committee within seven days for transmittal to the branch office.the appeal committee will include this statement along with the information being sent to the branch office.
?question:how many are aware that you can appeal an appeal?and dosen't it say ,"there is no further right to appeal.
"then dosen't it say ,'if you are persistent, however,you can appeal an appeal ".notice the second appeal is called an allegation.an assertion made without proof.and then the second appeal which is called an allegation is now called a statement that is being sent to the branch office.hence,the individual has to present evidence that six men have seriously erred in judgment before how many men in position at the branch office without them ever seeing this individual before them personally.and has not the decision already been bound in heaven?
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yumbby
You could always do what my mom and I did. She was disfellowshipped for apostasy when she started partaking, she then appealed. Appeal denied. So her and I drove 2000 miles to bethel, where she made a scene at the front desk until two "service" representatives offered to speak to her. Case was reopened with another congregation investigating. The decision was then recinded (and announced as recinded) which means legallly it never happened. Whatever. its all a bunch of horse hooey anyway. I won't DA myself because I'd feel like I was playing by their rules again.