open marriages, anyone have experience?

by Pierced Angel 77 Replies latest social relationships

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  Pierced Angel

  Well, my husband found out about my affair (yes, I gave in to the temptation with the soccer player and while it was fantastic, it's over now) and it's been a devestating time, we almost got divorced, but we're working through it. I knew telling friends and this board wasn't going to help me fight his romantic advances, but I tried. I really did! :-(
  It was a one time thing that would have continued, but I wasn't too careful about the clues (guilty conscience I think). Anyway, tonight my husband and I are each going out separately dancing with some single friends and we're not holding each other back from meeting other people. We've been seriously considering just having an open marriage. I'm just wondering if anyone here has had an open marriage that worked.
  Are we fooling ourselves?
  I think it might help me get over that "I missed out on dating" thing that keeps bothering me since leaving the jw's and it might help his self esteem, but how do you handle the jealousies? I think I can handle it, but I doubt in the long run that he could?
  Anyone that has any advice, please share it. I don't have anyone to talk to about this.

  Anne
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  slipnslidemaster

  Two things,

  1.) Xena has an open marriage. Talk to her.

  2.) Where do you live?

  Slipnslidemaster: MerryChristmas!
• 

  Yerusalyim

  I've never really understood the point of being married if it's an "open marriage". I guess I'm just too jealous. All the fun without all the guilt?

  YERUSALYIM
  "Vanity! It's my favorite sin!"
  [Al Pacino as Satan, in "DEVIL'S ADVOCATE"]
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  Pierced Angel

  Because, you still have each other while you can have new experiences with others. My husband is more worried that I'll fall in love with someone and leave him. So we're making rules about 3 dates and it's over sort of thing.
  I don't know, it's a journey and we're trying to at least stick together and be happy without giving up our family life.
  I already met a sweet, sexy woman who's going out with me tonight and if I don't find a nice guy to dance with, I can always flirt with her. If that's the case, I might invite my hubby to join us. I don't think he'll be jealous in that case, do you?

  P.S. my lifelong nickname is Liza, just like your wife, but I go by Anne for business and new friends.
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  slipnslidemaster

  *drools*

  Slipnslidemaster: MerryChristmas!
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  Yerusalyim

  Nice to meet you, Anne. Wooohoooo. My wife and I did flirt with the idea of an open marriage while we were seperated. She did, I didn't I was terribly jealous, she didn't enjoy the experience. I doubt her reaction would have been much different from mine had I actually done the deed. As it is I have standing permission to, but don't. We like to role play and fantasize, but in the long run, it's just gonna be the two of us.

  Nope, I doubt he'd be jealous if you invited him in for a "hubby sandwich" That's most guys fantasy where as many women want the "two guy" experience.

  Oh well, where'd you say you live?????

  YERUSALYIM
  "Vanity! It's my favorite sin!"
  [Al Pacino as Satan, in "DEVIL'S ADVOCATE"]
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  NameWithheld

  <snaps awake>

  mumbles: Someone say something about a threesome?

  <nods back off ...>
• 

  Seeker

  I have no personal experience with open marriages, though I am not against the concept as long as both partners are in agreement 100% about it (a very rare thing, I would think). However, from the way you describe your situation, I have my doubts that your attempts at this will be successful. Here's why: Even though you had talked about having an open marriage before, you didn't actually do it until your affair came to light. In other words, it is a reaction, not pro-action. Instead of planning this calmly, rationally, and without outside emotional attachments when you made the decision to try it, you did it after emotions came powerfully into play.

  There is no way your husband isn't viewing this as an opportunity for "revenge," and that lays a very bad foundation for this process. You will always view the beginnings of this experiment in hurtful terms. So I suspect it won't work out in the long-run.

  An open marriage can work, but it's very, very tricky, requires two people who can handle jealousy and understand the difference between love and sex, and probably requires a foundation of trust upon which to build.

  As I said, I have no personal experience, so this is just my guess based on my understanding of human nature. I wish you well, in any case.
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  Billygoat

  Anne,

  Wow! Looks like you have a lot on your plate! Hmm. Wish I had some good advice to give you. But I can't think of too many men that would have problems with a hubby sandwich. Who knows...it might make things better for you! (It'll definitely make things better for him!)

  Andi
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  slipnslidemaster

  *still drooling*

  Slipnslidemaster: MerryChristmas!