"I am now watching as my wife comes to the realization that these people are shallow and unloving UNLESS you behave according to their agenda."
BINGO! Unless you keep your mouth shut, tow the party line, and don't dare to speak up about the emotional, spiritual, and sometimes physical abuse you've seen or experienced, then you aren't part of the JW club. They can have it! And like someone else said above, once you see the TTATT, you cannot "un-see" it. And once your eyes have been opened, you are repulsed at the sight of the "disgusting thing."