Posts by MsJam

27

moral dilemna

by zanex in

i have been df'd for a good long time and have gone/going through the different stages of the healing process but i dont think that i am anywhere to giving up all of my deep-seated anger and hostility that i continue to have.

i have gotten attatched to it, ironically enough.

my moral and maybe somewhat ethical delimmna is: i am in a service provider position and i provide translation services for members of a specific community of interest...problem is that a certain person has come into my focus of the world...an elder.......a great many bones in my body want to manipulate and maneuver his life into the palm of my hand....then crush him.

MsJam

zanex-

BRAVO! Good for you!

22

When You Were Engaged, Did You Do It???

by minimus in

jw
friends

most of the people that i know of that got married in a kingdom hall never admitted to "loose conduct" or "fornication" until sometime after their consciences bothered them.

some never had a conscience issue , but they did tell their friends , who, in turn, told others that they really weren't "qualified" to get married in the hall.

do you think that most jw couples "fool around" before they get married?

MsJam

Before we were engaged ...after we were engaged...while I was studying...then on the wedding day he turns to me and says," You realize now that we are married and if we want Jehovah to bless us..we need to tell someone about what we did."

ON OUR WEDDING DAY! Needless to say the wedding night was horrible.I wasn't into it at all.

I put him off until about 5 years later. Of course it was when he was moving up to position. His concience just couldn't take it anymore. It was so humiliating to sit in that little room and talk about personnal things with 2 old men.(ie..what we did,where we did it,how many times,did either one of us have orgasam,was there penatration) I wonder now how it was getting them off.

After that sex just wasn't the same for me. It felt dirty .I used to have nightmares that the elders were somehow watching us.

I'm happy to say that I no longer have that problem.:)It sickens and saddens me to think about all those that are in the same situation I was in years ago.

btw...I was 4 months pregnant with my second child. And we were privately reproved.

JAM

27

moral dilemna

by zanex in

i have been df'd for a good long time and have gone/going through the different stages of the healing process but i dont think that i am anywhere to giving up all of my deep-seated anger and hostility that i continue to have.

i have gotten attatched to it, ironically enough.

my moral and maybe somewhat ethical delimmna is: i am in a service provider position and i provide translation services for members of a specific community of interest...problem is that a certain person has come into my focus of the world...an elder.......a great many bones in my body want to manipulate and maneuver his life into the palm of my hand....then crush him.

MsJam

I know where you are at...I have been there ...I'm sure we all have been there.

Let me tell you about anger...as if you didn't know. When I was finally able to let things go I was so much happier in my life. Holding all that anger only hurts you..not them. The post that said move on and be happy is the best revenge. That is the best advice. Anger only makes you a bitter person...and a bitter person can't be happy. Besides the fact that it will grow and effect other areas of your life.

I'm not saying that I never have thoughts of wanting to do something really mean and nasty to my ex-husband. But then I stop and think...Is he really worth all the time and energy? I would rather channel that to my children who deserve it so much more.

The only thing that I can say to you ...Is LET IT GO! I'll say what my mother used to say...Bless them and move on. It's not worth your health or your happiness.

JAM

25

New - My Story

by Skeptically Yours in

i've been a witness for as long as i can remember.

cannot remember ever celebrating a birthday or any holidays.

my grandmother introduced my parents and siblings to the religion.. it hasn't been a bad experience at all, except for the time when my hormones kicked in at 18 years old and i fornicated with my first boyfriend (it was awesome really!

MsJam

I have to agree with Sloboy on this. Leading a double life can be very taxing mentally. I wonder,do you have children? If so,would you want them to grow up watching you balance two worlds?Don't you think that would confuse them?

Just a thought of concern.

Welcome and hope to hear more.

8

After you got baptized

by freedom96 in

jw
friends

when my mom was studying, the sisters went out of their way to love on her, and to help her out.

she was a single mom back then.

one of the biggest things they did was babysit for her, while she had to go out and work.

MsJam

When I was studying the pioneer sisters went out of their way to pick me up for service. Even if they were going shopping all of a sudden I was their girl. When ever I reached the car they would ask me what Gods name was. Being naive I had no idea what they were pulling on me. I happened to mention it to the service overseer(it just so happened that I lived with him and his wife) OMG did he come unglued.He had to counsel them on the way they were keeping track of their time and what time they could count.In the process it came to his attention that they had a schedule on who got me and at what time.They did this to assure him that they weren't counting to same time...it was all individual time that way it was fair. No one got more time than the other.I was even shuffled between them for my study.

Of course all this ended when I was baptized.

9

My story growing up as a JW ........

by WingCommander in

jw
friends

jw kids = "children of the corn".

growing up as a j-dub, i have seen all of the special treatment most jw kids and elders kids recieved in general.

while, no you were not allowed to celebrate holidays, etc, being a jw child meant you could do no wrong.

MsJam

I married a man that was raised a JW.He was much like the kids you have described who are leading a double life. It's sad that everything becomes a NO-NO it only makes it so much tempting. The way they have to hide and cover up,makes them masters of manipulation. Which in time only makes them better as they age.What interesting adults this makes...in an organization that boasts of being so honest.I have learned from first hand and how they manipulate and twist situations to their advantage.

Unfortunatly I used to be one of those parents that had to have perfect once told children. I shudder at the thought of how I treated my children.And also for the way I allowed them to be treated.Thank God I snapped out of the trance and my children are able to lead normal(well what is normal really?) lives.No longer do I want or expect ROBOT children.

I'm sorry this happened to you.It's always sad to hear of how we has humans try to dominate and demean eachother. Your experience will help others...thanks for sharing.

JAM

11

10 Years a WT Slave

by MsJam in

i'm new to the board.

i did post a topic on my ex husband the difficulties i have with him and sharing my children.

thanks for all the great advice and i have put a lot of it into place.. i just feel the need to let you all know who i am and how i got here.i have never really discussed this before (except with my new husband) i just found that most people didn't understand and weren't interested.

MsJam

I'm new to the board. I did post a topic on my ex husband the difficulties I have with him and sharing my children. Thanks for all the great advice and I have put a lot of it into place.

I just feel the need to let you all know who I am and how I got here.I have never really discussed this before (except with my new husband) I just found that most people didn't understand and weren't interested. So I hope that I dont' bore you all....

I was 18. I met my first husband through a mutual friend. It was an instant attraction. We saw eachother practically everyday for 4 months. In that time I never once met his parents. Nor did we ever go anywhere public. Finally I asked him why...and the truth came out. Now this might not be a problem for some...but I was raised by pastors. Of course I had to try to save him and this is where I was so naive. He was raised as a JW and I didn't realize just how difficult it would be. My parents begged me to cut off the relationship. But I just couldn't ...we had gotten really involved(sexually speaking)and he being my first I just knew I was destined to marry him and have his children.(that was just the way I was raised) Silly me.

Anyway...I tried for several weeks to "help" him. We went to the library,since anything that I would have on JW would be biased and therefore he didn't want to read it. Little did I realize,but he was converting me. He used the time to make me question every belief I had been taught. This really shook my foundation. He explained to me that our relationship could not go any further unless I agreed to study and be baptized.Being young I just wanted to be loved and accepted...and before I knew it I had a study set up with his mother. Finally I got to meet his parents.

The lying started and I snuck around to go to meetings. My parents got wind...and well you can guess. They kicked me out..disowned me. They even threw away my baby pictures...in fact any picture that I was in was thrown away. Well wouldn't you know it,the elders held a meeting trying to decide what to do with me.It was decided for me that I would go live with the service overseer and his wife. I didn't speak to my parents for almost a year. For the first month they didn't even know where I was. They tried desperatly to find me...even calling my ex husbands house...and they wouldn't tell them where I was. I see now being a mother just how cruel I was to my parents.But I was suffering for the sake of the good news. Jehovah would reward me..LOL

To make a long story short. We married in 91 and I had my son in 92. I was able to patch things up with my parents. My dad even walked me down the isle. A memory I charish with all my heart. As Dad passed away in early 93. I miss him and I always feel a twinge of guilt that he never saw me make my way out.Also for the fact that I was never able to apologize to him for all the hurt and grief I caused him.

I had my daughter in 95. I wasn't as thrilled with my life..but I pressed on. Knowing I was doing what was right for my children.Eventhough I endured emmotional and mental abuse from my first husband that totally destroyed my self-confidence. (I was raised with strong women...something I had to abondon in order to "fit the mold" Finally in 98 my sister came to live with us for awhile. I was able to open up to her and let her know how I was feeling.She told me something that I hadn't heard in years...God Is Love ..He would never want me to put up with the emmotional and mental abuse I had been taking for years. I lacked the guts to do anything until I ran into an old friend. As I wasn't doing anything with the truth I was happy for the friendship. It was like we picked up where we left off. I still didn't share with her what I had been doing with my life for the last 10 years.To me it was like a dirty secret.My new friend and I spoke everyday...we became more like sisters. Until one day I found out that my ex husband and she were having an affair. I can thank her for it now...but then it was a huge betrayal. I have never spoken to her again.

It was the best and worst thing to happen to me...I left..finally free.

I'm remarried now with a wonderful husband.One that accepts me just as I am. I have a relationship with the Lord.And no longer do I have to carry the guilt and shame.

My ex is remarried..his new wife was actually a friend of mine back in the Hova days. She left her husband around the same time we broke up and was actually glad to hear that we weren't getting back together...I wish them well...:)

I'm thankful that I found this website..finally after almost 4 years. I wish I would have found it sooner. There is something theraputic about putting this all out there.Just to know that I'm not alone...

Thanks JAM

btw...I'm sorry I went on and on...but once I started I just couldn't help myself

5

Dub Convention "HOWTO"

by SYN in

if anyone here has ever used a *nix flavour (linux being a popular one), you'll have come across the famous "howto" documents.

dub convention howto.

lunches are a very important part of conventions.

MsJam

Finally!!! Someone got the meaning of all those stupid conventions I subjected myself to for years. When put in the right perspective you really can see what a waste of time they really are. I always hated the dramas...having been a student of the theatre. You would think with all the time and money spent on the conventions they would allow people to actually act out the play....oh wait I forgot that would involve thinking..and maybe someone else's interpetaions....We'll have none of that...

Thanks for the Laughs!!

7

Ex-JW looking for help with difficult ex-spouse

by MsJam in

i am an ex jw with two children that i share custody with their father (still a witness) we have become very involved with our church (my new husband and i) the problems we are having deal with birthdays,and all the ususal non-witness activites where my children are concerned.

we do celebrate all birthdays and holidays.

my 7 year old has been spanked and threatened by her father for the mear mention of any of these things.. their father had increasingly become emmotionally distant from them.

MsJam

Thank you all so much. To let you know, I have a dear friend that encouraged me to document everything. I write everything down,when he is late, how they come home,what they say happens..everything.

At first I was thinking this is silly what good will it do? Thank you Lin I know see just how vital it can be.

I have asked on several occasions for all of us (myself,my ex,my husband and my ex's new wife) to have a sit down conversation about the children. He refuses. He says he is uncomfortable. And doesn't know what we can accomplish. So I continue to document. Early next year we will have to sit down with a court mediator. I wonder if that will make him more comfortable?

He is very good in the child support area. As he knows the law because he used to work for the DA enforcing child support orders.He is fully aware of what can happen to him if he were to quit supporting his children.

On a side note. I wish that I had found this website 3 years ago. What a support it would have been in those days. To have people going through or gone through what I was. Don't get me wrong I had my family,they were always non-witnesses. But they couldn't understand the guilt,shame and paranoia that you carry when leaving a mind controling cult.

Thank you all again. I was nervous. I usually don't post anything.But it was very theraputic to actually write it out...and to know I'm not alone.

You'll be hearing from me

JAM

7

Ex-JW looking for help with difficult ex-spouse

by MsJam in

i am an ex jw with two children that i share custody with their father (still a witness) we have become very involved with our church (my new husband and i) the problems we are having deal with birthdays,and all the ususal non-witness activites where my children are concerned.

we do celebrate all birthdays and holidays.

my 7 year old has been spanked and threatened by her father for the mear mention of any of these things.. their father had increasingly become emmotionally distant from them.

MsJam

I am an Ex JW with two children that I share custody with their father (still a Witness) We have become very involved with our church (my new husband and I) The problems we are having deal with birthdays,and all the ususal non-Witness activites where my children are concerned. We do celebrate all birthdays and holidays. My 7 year old has been spanked and threatened by her father for the mear mention of any of these things.

Their father had increasingly become emmotionally distant from them. So far as to ignore them on the weekends that he has them. I wonder what this is doing to them emmoionally and mentally. My 10 year old son is angery and becomes withdrawn at times.

They come home filthy and sick everytime he has them. What I can't understand is why does he have them if he obviously has little if any "natural affection for them" ?

It has been a month since the kids have heard from their father. With all the Assemblies this month and his camping trips they feel very much ingnored and forgotten. I know their father is doing this because of the time of year it is. It's a punishment to my children for celebrating Christmas. I realize it is really an attack on me for leaving him and his lifestyle. But how do you explain that to children who always feel that their father is angry with them?

My current husband is very much in their lives. Praise God for that! He is a good Christian man that has helped me let go of the guilt and shame that I carried for years. (my parents were both pastors)

My Question is "Has anyone dealt with any of these situations?" I would appreciate any and all insight that would help my children.

Thanks