Posts by Scooby

24

How Long did it take you to re-build?

by Scooby in

jw
friends

just wondering how long it took/ is taking many of you to rebuild your lives and say goodbye to phobias, etc.?.

for those who grew up in the borg and don't have a point of reference to go back to....what have you done to create a new life free from that anguish to your mind?

did a new religion help or therapy?

Scooby

Hi Guys-

Just wondering how long it took/ is taking many of you to rebuild your lives and say goodbye to phobias, etc.?

For those who grew up in the borg and don't have a point of reference to go back to....what have you done to create a new life free from that anguish to your mind? Did a new religion help or therapy? What things were MOST beneficial to clear your mind(s)?

I've been out over a year now and I still battle with waves of depression, guilt and phobias. Any tips? I did not grow up in it so I started over by mentally going back to age 19. Still.... is very hard sometimes and I lost my marriage in the process. Is TIME the biggest healer. I've done and am in Therapy/cult exit counseling, read many books on the subject and really am committed to letting go.

Thanks for your input!

44

How has your marriage been affected by leaving the WTS?

by Leander in

jw
friends

it's been exactly 2 years since i stopped attending jw meetings and it's taken a toll on my marriage.

i expected as much but i guess you can never really prepare for the pain you have to go through when one mate no longer believes in the same things they once did.

i think my wife has honestly tried hard (as have i) to make the relationship work but i think we're both realizing that there are some really large issues before us that will never be resolved.

Scooby

It broke up my marriage. Unfortunately leaving that screwed -up belief system screws up everything. period. There is hope...give it enough time to be sure. Marriage counseling could be of help....... I left and my ex left too.....However, many marriages in JW are based on getting married too young to have sex. That is not the basis of a lasting marriage... and you starve spiritually and emotionally in it......so many times I think the marriage ends when that tie leaves. You are so busy in the activity & meetings..... true intimicy is replaced by an "unreality." Witness marriages are a disguise in some ways..... Many are really really trying to fool themselves that they are happy. I did and actually thought I was. However, it is not based on REALITY. That is a whole different test of your relationship.

Do try though... so you know you did everything you could. You are in my thoughts.

25

first timer...feelin like crap

by Boolean in

jw
friends

hey everyone....this this my first time on one of these forums... been out for short while, but i miss my family and the friends i grew up with.. feeling a little shitty.

how did u cope with suddenly being cut off from the people that you love and depend on?.

by the way, if your wondering about my nik, look it up, thats how my mind is right now.

Scooby

Hey B-

You know maybe getting DF'd is a blessing. I have heard some say that clean intense break gave them the needed conviction to seek fully elsewhere. If you had da'd yourself you might feel that you just walked away. Now maybe DF'd feels to you to be more final and intense? The farther you can get away the better. Just a thought.

Welcome and hope you enjoy.

14

How did you stuck in the JW borg ???????

by run dont walk in

jw
friends

.

i was born into it, and had a rough ride getting out, not much fun growing up having little respect (didn't want to use the hate word) for your parents/family.. i can honestly say my parents had no idea how life works, as is the case for most jw's.. how did you get stuck in it, and how long did it take you to finally walk away (or still trying to) ???

(took me years)

Scooby

Dawn & Dan-

Thanks for the Luv. I think when you are missing a parent or that parent is totally a basketcase and you don't feel any love from them... it is easy for someone to come along and fill that. So easy, whether it be an org like the borg or a boyfriend/girlfriend... etc etc. Don't you think sub-consciously we need that acceptance, love and parent so much that some of us will "substitute" whatever or whomever comes along? Losing the Borg was like losing a family in a dysfunctional sense. Losing my husband was again like losing my Father who was abusive. Empty holes I now need to learn to fill. JW's make you feel they have all the answers and they love you like brothers and sisters, but its' conditional. You feel like they can fill those gaping holes..... but they never do.... just give you a false sense and keep you busy until one day you crack... then where are they?

That's why some on this board say some people need this cult or belong there in a sense. Sometimes maybe that's true. If you can't cope with things or get the right kind of help or support- I suppose some find a sense of contentment in it. Maybe for a long time.. maybe only temporary until they have the support system to question and leave. Survival is a strong instinct. Some minds may feel they need that system to feel sane in a weird way. Hopefully as support systems and enlightenment grow... more JW's will seek out real help and support instead of a cult control system. What's important is that people keep getting educated to cult tactics. Then everyone can be on the look out for people or things that come into their lives that smell like brainwashing.

thats my two cents. Scoob

14

How did you stuck in the JW borg ???????

by run dont walk in

jw
friends

.

i was born into it, and had a rough ride getting out, not much fun growing up having little respect (didn't want to use the hate word) for your parents/family.. i can honestly say my parents had no idea how life works, as is the case for most jw's.. how did you get stuck in it, and how long did it take you to finally walk away (or still trying to) ???

(took me years)

Scooby

I got reeled in at age 20. Boyfriend at the time grew up in it and then witnessed to me. I thought it and he were the greatest things in the world. Instant Family, Instant father figure through strong willed, dominating husband. Grew up in very dysfunctional family so I could not wait to quit school, become a JW and get married!

You know what... Out of the choices I had at that time and my mental state... Believe it or not it was the Best deal for me AT THAT TIME. I really was close to self-destructing like my brother. I guess it a weird way.. it kept me a TINY bit sane. (GOD-How is that for Jacked UP?)

12 years later.........I am glad to be free now. Learning to live without the cult and without a husband. Hard but Real... and my own! I had so few coping skills when I was younger I NEEDED someone to take away the responsiblility.... I was so ripe for the taking. Now, I am alot smarter and getting counseling and reading like a crazy obsessed freak. Only left 6 months ago.... but I am doing so well.... although some days are still BAD.... They don't last quite as long.

7

Martha Stewart's New Home

by Valis in

jw
friends

.

sincerely,.

district overbeer

Scooby

That Rocks!!!!!!!!!

18

JW's not happy people

by wannaexit in

jw
friends

i've noticed a lot of discontent among my jw friends.

i've had some express to me how stressed out they are because the meetings take up too much time and the assemblies are too long.

( a lot of complaining about this international assembly coming up).

Scooby

I was unhappy too. Your spirit is squashed. Hearing repitition over and over... just is so boring. Happy are they conscious of THEIR spiritual need. Did you ever hear anyone actually finding their own spirit at any meeting?

How can one be happy when the only spirit you understand is one made up for YOU????

Mav- Don't forget the Fundamental attribution error. It is a cult.... I don't think "weak" is the right word. Vulnerable and idealistic, possibly. But WT LIE, MANIPULATE, DISTORT AND WITHOLD. That is THEIR doing. It is wrong. We were tricked .... don't minimize that. But I agree there are two types in general.. not having to take responsiblility is pretty convenient in some ways.

:)

58

New member

by Winston Smith :>D in

jw
friends

i just wanted to say hi to the group here.. been baptized for 15 years now.

my wife has been baptized for a little less than that time period.. been an aux poi., reg pio, ms. wife is a reg pio currently.

now im just a lowly publisher :d. have had many doubts over the years on small matters.

Scooby

Hi W-

Get ready to meet "real" people who don't stick there head up their pooters and will tell you like it is. In a loving way of course. :) Anything you want to talk about or ask.... go for it!!!! Nice to be loved unconditionally, Eh?

31

Feeling Pretty Bad

by rebel in

jw
friends

i hate mondays!.

i also feel bad because i have been receiving subtle hints from my hubby that he may be leaving me.

we have been married for 24 years, have 4 beautiful, intelligent children (one is no longer with us), we have been though troubles, worries, the death of our darling claire, money problems - you name it - we've been there.. now - because i have different religious views to him, he doesn't think he can associate himself with me any longer.

Scooby

Sorry to hear of your pain too. Try to push outside marriage counseling asap. It may get to some deep core issues. Do everything you can to save your relationship, give it 60 days or whatever you choose.... mark your calendar, give it hell and then know you did everything possible.

Sometimes the only thing wt people understand is UNBELIEVABLE pain that could make them question. maybe.

Keep loving your kids unconditionally. They know the difference.

Much Love and Prayer to you. I know this pain ohhhh sooo well. Ouch. I was left and divorced after leaving the WT. YOU are worth WAY WAY more than that.

HUGS>>Scooby

24

Divorce is now final

by Scooby in

jw
friends

hi you guys... just thought i'd pass on my sadness for me to heal a little.. if that's okay.. i was in the "program" for 11 years, husband witnessed to me in college while he was inactive, we studied together, got baptized & married.

had rough times... but i loved him so much........unconditionally despite wt doctrine.

last 3 years we both started to miss meetings and question the bs.

Scooby

Hi you guys... Just thought I'd pass on my sadness for me to heal a little.. if that's okay.

I was in the "program" for 11 years, husband witnessed to me in college while he was inactive, we studied together, got baptized & married. Had rough times... but I loved him so much........unconditionally despite WT doctrine. Last 3 years we both started to miss meetings and question the BS. I found this website in January and went to my last meeting. I've shared all I've learned with my husband.....but he can't "process" most of it.

I am now officially divorced The watchtower ruined my marriage. It is unfair but my husband did not want to be married to an "apostate" HIS word NOT mine. Although he is a total hypocrite, not going to any meetings, sleeping with god knows what and says he doesn't believe it is the truth completly... he would rather be with someone who knows NOTHING about the JW's. So unfair..... He's the one who witnessed to me 12 years ago.... Now he's left me because of it?!?!? Yes, of course I had scriptural grounds (who gives a rats butt though... does that make it any easier????) I do wonder if he'll fall apart emotionally one day? He won't go to therapy or read any books/websites to help him see he was raised in a cult.

I am hurting alot.... but wanted you all to know I am recovering well from WT doctrine... Thanks to this website and many other people and literature. THANKKSSS!!

I saw this religion destroy my husband, screw with his head and mess up his morals, personality and character. I do wonder if we would have made it... If he was never a jw. I will never know. But to all the elders who did not encourage us to go to marriage counseling and said you would "help" us and never did. My pain is on your spirit.... Good luck with that because it hurts like Hell. Study harder and Pray more.... Shove that up your theocratic skirt.

Thanks for letting me share... Scooby