This is one of the things that bugged me most growing up. My parents became JW's when I was just beginning grade school and can remember celebrating birthdays and holidays then suddenly they were outlawed due to their new faith. BUT they still were able to celebrate THEIR wedding anniversary. It was OK to celebrate the "birth" of their marriage, but not the birth of their children. Even when I was a believer it just screamed of hippocracy. I told my mom we were celebrating the anniversary of my children's births. I think the correlation went over her head.
Posts by Anne
-
9wedding anniversarys
by Adrianoblue inyou`ve probably had this topic before, but there always was this one thing which kept bugging me: here in germany it is pretty common for married jw couples to celebrate their wedding anniversary each year.
do jws in the us or elsewhere do the same?.
well, the reason i`m asking, is the fact that i never really understood what the hell is the difference between such an event and a birthday party?.
-
-
-
23
Questioned By The Elders. Lawsuit?
by Hangin_on ini was dfed for 3 years and could not get back in for the life of me.
(long story one elder from my committee even held onto my letter and didnt give it to the other elders for 6 weeks) my current wife who i was dfed for back in the day (a few years ago) found out that i was text messaging and calling one of her friends (another sister in the hall) and she is very upset.
instead of handling it like a family she "eldered up" and i got pulled into the back room with 2 elders.
-
-
Anne
OUCH!! I think your wife is either looking for a Witness legal way out of your marriage or else she really thinks you were having more than just a text message friendship with the other girl. Either way go to a real marriage counselor or hire a good divorce attorney.
Don't extricate yourself from the Witnesses until you decide what you want for yourself and your child. If you try the fade route and live close to Witness relatives they will try to convert your child. Can you accept that?
It's up to you what you are willing to loose, and how much of a hippocrite you are willing to be to get there. If you want to stay a Witness do what the elder's want. They only have power if you let them have it.
-
32
HI! I am one of the 63% who have left
by outofservice inhello everyone hope there is room for another newbie.. i feel like i know all of you from reading your posts over the last months.. and i must thank you all for your great and very informative posts.
it has really reinforced all the things that i had been feeling for years.
my husband and i were both raised in the "truth".
-
-
Anne
Having a family was the ultimate push my husband and I needed to stop "pretending" for family. Congradulations on taking that step, sometimes what we can't do for ourselves we can for our children.
-
63
Mom says "You will die at Armageddon" - good replies?
by serendipity inmy mother retired from her full-time job recently and has started attending meetings again.
she also has plenty of time to think about her wayward children, including me.
one night, we were talking and she asked me, again, why i wasn't going to meetings.
-
-
Anne
My answer to my family has always been "I feel sorry for you if you really believe that." After they reply with whatever, I just state "I don't argue with crazy people." Just keep repeating.
-
18
What will the WBTS do about the youth problem?
by easyreader1970 inmany youngsters, even ones brought up in "the truth", are leaving the organization, some never to return.
they're not doing so because they want to party or gain wealth (as the society would have you believe) but they are doing so because they are not stupid.
it is no longer 1974. people have much more information at their fingertips these days and nobody is closer to the signal of the internet than young people.
-
-
Anne
As pointed out the US is getting more secular, but from what I've observed in others in my age group (30ish) when they have their own children they tend to go back to the religion they were raised in. I have not observed the same trend in JW's who have left, in fact the exact opposite. In my case it was the driving force to finally extricate myself completely. I don't "pretend" for my parents or siblings anymore.
In the congregation I was raised around about 70% of my pere group has left that I know of. Without young families the religion will slowly die out. Maybe their original 1914 generations doctrine was right, that that generation will not pass before the end comes (to the JW religion.)
-
4
Bad Advice Column-jws & Holidays
by rebel8 inthis morning's syndicated column by marie g. mcintyre: .
"q. i'm not sure how to handle a new employee whose religious beliefs prevent her from acknowledging christmas, easter, valentine's day or birthdays.
in our small business, the owners have always encouraged us to celebrate these holidays.
-
-
Anne
I had a friend ask me about how to handle a Witness at her work place who acted a lot like this. (She asked me because she knew my history.) The advise I gave her was to wait until the witness tried to share her beliefs (witnessing). When they do that "I don't celebrate because it's pagan, blah, blah, blah, state "I appreciate what your saying but it seems like a very unkind religion that tries to suck the joy out of everyday life (insert example)". "I find it difficult when you state you don't celebrate, yet you sneak a piece of cake when we're not looking." Do JW's consider themselves Christians, Muslims, or Jewish, I'm curious? When they say Christian, in flat voice, "Oh, that surprises me." Then let it go, and state the conversation is making you uncomfortable. Make sure this is done in front of other coworkers. The Witness will think twice before bringing up their beliefs and may modify the behavior to be more socially acceptable. It's passive aggressive, but effective. The key is not to say too much or argue.
-
34
Did you SAVE money by using a hotel on the recommended lodging list?
by truthseeker ini haven't seen this question posted here before, but did any of you who stayed at one of the hotels on the society's recommended lodging list save money than if you attended a hotel not on the list?.
having seen a few of these lists, it seems the rates given are expensive..
-
-
Anne
This jogged a memory. When my parents first joined the cult they were given the guilt trip to go to the district assembly 5 hours away. My dad was laid off his job at the time and my mom did not work outside the home. My folks have always been poor anyway, but we were almost destitute that summer. But "jehovah will provide". Anyway they loaded their six children into their half way running van that they bought from very used from the telephone company. Dad built benches for us to sit on and bolted them down, no seat belts. The van broke down half way there. My Dad flagged down people that were on the way there too (strangers), and we were divided between a few families and went on our merry way. Since they had to fix the van they didn't have any money to pay for the camp site, and all of our camping gear was left behind anyway. Dad wound up talking to someone in the rooming department and a local witness let us stay in their pop up camper in their yard. I remember how my parents were just amazed that "Jehovah provided." Now as an adult I look back and think about how irresponsible they were. My youngest brother was an infant and my oldest brother was all of 11. They were just lucky nothing really terrible happened. When school started my folks couldn't even afford supplies after that fiasco. Silly, deluded people.
-
42
Is my life reaching to a dead end?I need a way out...
by justhuman ini just don't know what to do...it seems that i have been carrying this burden since i was born.
and the burden is to be raised and live for 33 years in the most mind destructive cult the watchtower.
after i have been disfellowshiped 2 years ago(yes my wife turned me to the "loving"elders for apostasy)i left home.
-
-
Anne
Have a serious sit down with her. Tell her that she is not allowed to disrespect you in front of the children. It's disrespectful for her to ask you to leave so that she can have people over at your house. How old are your children? If they are old enough get them involved in activities away from the cult. Don't stop mommy from taking them to the boring meetings, they will decide not to go on their own soon enough. Just make sure that you are around to keep her from guilt tripping them into it. If she continues with the emotional abuse, make notes. Get a good lawyer. With a documented history of mental and emotional abuse because of the cult you should be able to leave with custody of the kids. She'll also have to pay you child support. That leads to another question. Does your wife work? If not she has to get a job. No more funding of the JW train from you.
-
6
Need advice about family dynamics
by Anne ini don't post much, i guess i usually just don't have anything interesting to say.
(didn't comment much at meetings either.
anyway, been in a bit of a quandry about what to do about holidays.
-
-
Anne
no, the "is it worth it", wasn't in reference to my kids. It was more in reference is it worth celebrating holidays and risking alienating my family. I want my children to have a relationship with their grandparents, just on a controlled basis. Right now they are very young. I think maybe I'm making more out of something than I should. Sometimes writing something down makes it more clear. I'm not going to be held like some sort of hostage to a religion I do not believe in.
I don't think my parents would go the court route. They know I have a temper. My children will always come first, and if it means alienating my parents and some of my siblings then so be it.
-
6
Need advice about family dynamics
by Anne ini don't post much, i guess i usually just don't have anything interesting to say.
(didn't comment much at meetings either.
anyway, been in a bit of a quandry about what to do about holidays.
-
-
Anne
I don't post much, I guess I usually just don't have anything interesting to say. (Didn't comment much at meetings either.)
Anyway, been in a bit of a quandry about what to do about holidays. I want to raise my children as "normally" as possible. We live in a conservative midwestern US city in a middle class area. My husband and I are a couple of JW dropouts, both raised in it. The difference is he still believes on some levels because that is what he was taught. He just doesn't care enough to do anything about it. The ironic thing is his mother has also turned into a meeting skipping doubter (never thought that would happen). My question is will they automatically read me "as no-longer one of JW's" if we start celebrating holidays. We've already celebrated our birthdays, handed out candy on Holloween (gasp!), and had the in-laws over for turkey on Thanksgiving. I'm thinking next year we'll do Christmas. Not so much as a religious holiday, but more as a social holiday. I think that holidays and observances serve as a way to connect communities and provide a shared reference point.
The only reason we're even having any problems with any of this is because my parents are still in (big time). They recently moved to our city. (My husband and I discussed moving away because of them, but we like it here and were here first.) My parents actually stayed with us for a couple of months, we didn't hear one word of "encouragment" during that time (probably because I would have told them to stay with their "friends"). Now they are starting to bug me. It is amazing how if you know the arguement they are going to make, you can shut them down with out saying much. (i.e. Mom: The weather is so bad, hurricanes and other disasters, the end must be near. Me: Well you know the sky is falling. followed by blank stare.) She even went so far as to bring the service group to my house last week without calling first. I would think that my snotty comments would get my point across, along with coming right out and saying that we are not raising our kids as Witnesses, so no thank you for the Bible Story Book.
My parents will not shun me if I am DF, they don't shun my DF sister. Also other than my mom occasionally babysitting for me they do not see my children unless we are there. (My dad's nuts, and I have serious issues with their parenting style when I was growing up.) I will probably loose contact with one brother, and possibly another brother and sister. Don't really care about any old "friends". Made peace with that chapter of my life. The only loose end would be my dad said something about grandparents having rights when I told him no thank you for the BS book. I do know of one family where the grandparents have the children for two weeks during the summer because they went to court.
My fear is that they would try to do something like that if I went from being a passive-aggressive snott to being an all out appostate. Then the question is, Is it worth it?