Bgirl,
An illustration from a book the title which escapes me. I just remember the lesson.
A vampire needs a small amount of fresh blood each night. Without it he will suffer great pain, and if the lack continues, die.
Its last night it comes upon you. You know there is no such thing as vampires but he fits the stereotype, cape, air, accent, etc.
You get to talking he's rational, even pleasant. Finally, he come clean with his "condition"
"Bgirl, I am a vampire. I require some of your blood. Not much, a small amount. There will be little risk. Please, if not, I will feel great agony, perhaps die. May I suck your blood?"
You're "selfish" if you refuse?
That phrase "hurt somebody else" what a great manipulator! Our feelings are hurt only because we allow them to be. In a sense we are all vampires, we only have a problem with people when they dont do what we want. Then we have all sorts of catch phrases to manipulate behavior. If only people were as honest with their feelings/situation as the vampire was. Then we could have honest, selfish choices, we would not have to feel guilty,sad,hurt,etc about
What if the vampire didnt ask? What if he came at you physically?
You'd be selfish to resist? Then why let some hold your emotions hostage?
There is another thread "Past My Prime" or something like that. The thread starter is angry about wasting prime years of their life. I felt like that too, for a long time. The WTS "hurt my feelings" and much worse because they took years I could not get back.
How convenient to be hurt and blame them for my current failings!
It was only when I realized not only were they aware they hurt my feelings, or were aware and thought I was wrong, deluded, whatever, they did not care.
We are all free to make choices. We are all free to do whatever we want. Blaming anyone or anything else for your problems or what you feel is like getting mad at your shoelaces because you tied your shoes too tight and your feet hurt.
"85% of the people dont care about your problems. The other 15% are glad you have them." Tommy Lasorda