When I was newly out, somebody on this board said: "I am not above using their own stick to beat them with." I immediately adopted the phrase for my own emotional well-being. It changed how I thought about DA'ing.
Ultimately, I never did, because I ended up not really needing it, but I gave myself permission to do it if I needed it. It was definitely on the table for me. 12 years out, I sometimes wish I had done it early on, because I ended up cutting ties after suffering through years of my father preaching to me, until I had a bit of a mental meltdown this year and ended up in counseling. It's possible it would have saved me a lot of grief and time.
DA'ing is more than just making a statement. It can be closure. Your questioning means they don't want you in their club unless you follow all their rules. But even though they don't want you, the unstated reality is they always have an intention to drag you back. You have made the circumstances in your life that they never get the opportunity, but THEY still have that intention. It's like an undercurrent that never stops.
If you are the kind of person who has to book-end your life events, you may need the explicit closure that DA'ing can provide. If you really feel like you can walk away and not need to use/subvert their rules, then it could be that your emotional energy would be better spent in other ways.
You may or may not need it, but you can have it if you want.
Ultimately, I never did, because I ended up not really needing it, but I gave myself permission to do it if I needed it. It was definitely on the table for me. 12 years out, I sometimes wish I had done it early on, because I ended up cutting ties after suffering through years of my father preaching to me, until I had a bit of a mental meltdown this year and ended up in counseling. It's possible it would have saved me a lot of grief and time.
DA'ing is more than just making a statement. It can be closure. Your questioning means they don't want you in their club unless you follow all their rules. But even though they don't want you, the unstated reality is they always have an intention to drag you back. You have made the circumstances in your life that they never get the opportunity, but THEY still have that intention. It's like an undercurrent that never stops.
If you are the kind of person who has to book-end your life events, you may need the explicit closure that DA'ing can provide. If you really feel like you can walk away and not need to use/subvert their rules, then it could be that your emotional energy would be better spent in other ways.
You may or may not need it, but you can have it if you want.