SECRECY, Pros and Cons...UBM's, I'm asking you (page 6)

SECRECY, Pros and Cons...UBM's, I'm asking you

jgnat

LOLOLOL.

I woulda SWORN a few weeks ago it was only 6,000.....

I quit the JWs pretty abruptly while married, but my wife and I had a terrible marriage to begin with, so when asked "where's Jason been?" she would tell the congo I went apostate. Yes, I left apostate and critical stuff out; it was my house too. She briefly looked at one of Robert Bowman's brochures on JWs. That was it. About 5 years later I finally decided our marriage had always been a joke, and I left. She's still a JW, and we're on speaking terms and get along fine when we have to. She even stopped by a few months ago to see how I was doing and if I needed anything. She's a good woman, just trapped in a retarded religion.

tetrapod.sapien

jgnat,

Are you open with your partner about your participation on this board?

she knows that i post here, a lot. but she knows not the extent of my anti-JW sentiments. like my seething hatred for the things she considers the most important to her. it's sad. she doesn;t actually know what this board is about. she will not allow herself to look. so yes i am open, but she is weak. i can;t take it. i have my own issues to deal with.

Do you hide your reference materials from your partner?

no. my house is littered with all the books i have read since my doubts began. she is fully aware of all the reference material. there are books about evolution, and atheism and anarchy and nihilism and critical exegesis and archaeology. she just never looks at them. and it gets me thinking, if she thinks they're from satan, then she must think i am from satan. fuck, life sucks. i will never get married again. sorry, that's not part of te question you asked.

Have you had any close calls, and if so, describe them?

no. i wish i had close calls. they may have made her think.

If you are secretive about your anti-JW activities, do you plan on coming clean with your partner at some time?

non JWD activities? yes. but then again, she never asks, so i really have nothing to worry about. if she doesn;t care, then why should I? she doesn;t ask, i don;t tell. she doesn;t care, and i have stopped too.

If you do plan on coming clean, when do you anticipate doing so?

the only thing i plan on coming clean about is the fact that i don;t love her anymore. then again, i don;'t think she loves me anymore anyways, so it won;t be a big shock to her.

If your partner is aware of your anti-JW activity, how do they react?

with pity. and then irritation. like i am somehow supposed to respect the religion even though i want to tear it to shreds.

Any stories to share?

when she first found out i was having doubts, it was about evolution, because that was issue #1 in my journey, not doctrine. she was more upset about that, than she was when she found out a couple of weeks later that i was an atheist. weird.
we are done for.
she joins me in worldly pleasures, and then goes through bouts of repentance. there is so much garbage between us now, that even if she makes a clean break from the WTS, i won;t be around to help her through it. that's how bad being an UBM sucks.
she gets cards in the mail from family friends addressed to her. sometimes i read them, and they are all like: "hang tough honey. he's just going through a phase. jehovah's word stands to time indefinate." and that's how she treats me. like it's obvious that jehovah is god, and she will just exercise her xian patience until i come back to the fold. well, fuck that.
i am sure that if she read my debate posts, she would leave me. she has no idea how much i hate the concept of god.
TS

Sass_ you've made me laugh again, and before my morning coffee! I don't know why I hadn't thought to survey on these issues before. The response was slow to start with, but it obviously resonates with many of us.

Tetra, my "tinkerer" personality is kicking in, and I am curious if there are any qualities in your wife that you still find appealing? There are reasons we pick our partners. I am wondering if you have reflected on those reasons recently? You don't have to answer openly. You can PM me if you like.

It seems if a partner has concluded that the marriage is not worth salvaging, not so much effort is put in to how to broach your life-changing event. In a way I understand the JW partner's disappointment. We all go in to marriage with certain expectations. Do we want children or not? Do we have a standard of living that we are accustomed to maintaining? Have we vowed fidelity? When one of the partners makes a life-changing decision, the other can feel betrayed. Their expecations coming in to the marriage are now threatened. A UBM whose partner decides to start studying with the witnesses experiences a similar betrayal.

I am assuming, Cygnus and Tetra that in your examples, there are no children involved. There are not so many complications to walking away. For your own health, Tetra, and for the health of the marriage, it might not be a bad idea to have a few "let's be frank" conversations with her. Living in limbo land is no fun. I assume she can get a clean divorce on the grounds of spiritual endagerment. Then she will have to end the twisted martyr game. I've got a sneaking suspicion she's getting some mileage out of your recent transformation.

jgnat, you rock.

Tetra, my "tinkerer" personality is kicking in, and I am curious if there are any qualities in your wife that you still find appealing?

she is sweet. don't get me wrong, she is a sweet girl. she is physically beautiful. that still attracts me. but that's about it.

There are reasons we pick our partners. I am wondering if you have reflected on those reasons recently?

yes. they almost all involve the person i was, and what i valued back then. basically, i'm a different person. but yes i have reflected on them, and they do not mean the same thing anymore. and she would agree if asked. the physical relationship is about biology, and we still have that. we are still attracted to each other that way. but, i know she is not attracted to much else about me anymore. i feel that i am a better, healthier person, but she disagrees, of course.

In a way I understand the JW partner's disappointment. We all go in to marriage with certain expectations. Do we want children or not? Do we have a standard of living that we are accustomed to maintaining? Have we vowed fidelity? When one of the partners makes a life-changing decision, the other can feel betrayed. Their expecations coming in to the marriage are now threatened.

absolutely. i agree. and she says that all the time. but what can i do? not change? not grow so that she has her precious stone engraved image of me? i think not. i can love someone, but if they expect me to deny myself intellectual freedom, i am sorry, but that is not love.

she has not put herself in my shoes once. her attitude indicates such. i am tired of being in a one sided relationship. i know where she is coming from, and she has no idea who i am. why? because she hasn't bothered. if you haven't noticed already, i am an open book. she knows she has full access. of all people, i would never deny her getting to know me. she wants an elder, not a josh.

I am assuming, Cygnus and Tetra that in your examples, there are no children involved.

yes, jgnat, no children, just a little cocker spaniel puppy. and thank vishnu for that! no DNA transfer for this tetrapod. getting my tubes fried when i'm done with this.

For your own health, Tetra, and for the health of the marriage, it might not be a bad idea to have a few "let's be frank" conversations with her.

we have. she was actually the first person to suggest that it's not working. we talk about it now like it'll happen, in a while. we don't fight. but i was blown away that she denies herself getting to know me, wants me to be the old josh, and then says it's not working. by most standards, i am way more attractive now that i am on the path to finding myself. i am comfortable in my own skin for the first time in my life. someone who loved me would not only be happy for me, but also see the glass as half full. she really is quite mentally conservative, and that has become unattractive to me. mutual nonattraction. it sucks, what can i say?

SECRECY, Pros and Cons...UBM's, I'm asking you

jgnat

Cygnus

tetrapod.sapien

sass_my_frass

jgnat

tetrapod.sapien

jgnat

tetrapod.sapien

sass_my_frass

freedomlover

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