by unbeliever 62 Replies latest jw friends
(((( Unbeliever ))))
It sounds like you have already decided what to do: Keep the baby and raise it yourself in the US.
The only thing holding you back is the fear of the unknown... all of the changes in your life, problems, difficulties and responsibilities associated with raising a child, not to mention a fear that you will make the same mistakes that your parents made.
I'm certain children have their redeeming characteristics, otherwise people wouldn't be making so many of them!
Jeff that has crossed my mind. In way of compromise I have thought about spending my maternity leave over there. That's 4 months. Have the baby in the US and get everything in writing before we left so that I could come back to the US after my maternity leave was over. At least that way he could be there full time during the first few months. That's the best I can do. The more I think about it I just cannot see myself living there permanently. I will definetely consult with a lawyer first. Kid-A he has the same rights as a US citizen would. It would not surprise me if he has more rights in the US than in the UK. I know the laws there are not father friendly especially when unmarried. I heard they changed some of the laws but are still way behind the US in terms of fathers rights. About wanting the baby 100%. True it was an accident but that does not mean the child will feel unwanted. I was an accident and I never felt unwanted. I really don't care if my prospects are limited because I would have a child. If he is Mr. Right it will not matter that I have a child.
Unbeliever you are going to be just fine whatever you choose to do. You are thinking clearly and obviously have considered everything. If you end up a single parent, don't be afraid. Just be very very careful not to have a second child while single, that gets harder to juggle. But one child is awesome to raise alone if it turns out that way. Women often end up doing 90% of everything anyway even if they are married.
You are going to be a bit more emotional while pregnant as your hormones change. If you feel like you are being pressured, take a step back. This is a time you need to enjoy and stay calm. It does effect the baby if mom is stressed. Personally, if your pregnancy is going very well, I being an adventurer would head over there for the experience while on your leave. I have travelled quite a bit and do not regret any of it.
{{{{{{{{Unbeliever}}}}}}}}} Enjoy the new life growing inside you. Don't be pressured. YOU have everything to lose, he has little to lose. That is just the way it works out.
Didn't I say there were some brain dead moron's on this site? Then who should turn up but minister A... What a tool!
First, do you really want this child? 100% and completely? Have you considered how being a single mother will affect your chances of meeting a future spouse if you eventually want to settle down and get married? This baby was an accident.
WTF are you talking about?! Very few parents want their children 100% DURING the pregnancy! As to that second sentence you should apologize to everyone who had to read that for making them just a little bit dumber for having read it! Any sack of shit guy who would care about this isn't worth being with ANYWAY! Who cares if the baby was an accident! Lots of babies are an accident! I would go so far as to say at least HALF of the babies in the US are an accident! Both of my kids were accidents they haven't poisoned the well or blinded the horses yet!
Hell at least the best part of this one didn't get stuck in the condom like happened with minister Amos!
I would not move their either (as is most of the overall opinion on here) You'll be in another country for pete's sake. Its not like moving to another city or town. He will be able to control you and let's be for real. Do you honestly believe that if you don't like being there no longer he will let you leave and take the baby with you? Don't think so.
Plus you don't even love the guy? You are doing more harm to your child by having them be raised in a family where the parents don't even love each other. Children are smart. They will catch on quick to such things.
Nothing wrong with being a single mom: its all the rage these days! GOOD LUCK!
Hi unbeliever,
Yes, these are big decisions. My qualifications to comment are that I have had one termination because there was no hope of life beyond birth, and I have one lovely healthy son aged nearly seven months.
My opinion on your choices weighs in with the majority of the replies, and I would like to make the following observations:
In most relationships, when kids come along, posession of a wedding ring does not mean that mum is doing 50% of the work. The vast majority of the time, mothers do almost all of the childcare, almost all of the housework and work outside the home too.
The UK is a completely different culture to the USA. It is a foreign country. If you were a SAHM here, you would be VERY isolated. Weekly coffee mornings in a foreign language (UK English) will not provide you with much of a support network.
Very best wishes!
Rachel
Oh my darling girl. Five years ago, I was faced with a similar decision (unexpected pregnancy with a man I did not love). I do not regret my decision to have my son but I have lived to regret every other decision I made (and failed to make) at that pivotal time.
Do NOT leave the US. Do not leave your job. Hold on to your life and your child. It's a difficult situation but keep yourSelf in tact. Life will find a way to iron out the details (they're hefty details to be sure) but you must keep the Self in tact. Let the father worry about how he's going to arrange visitation while being as supportive and cooperative as possible of his parental input. This child will need both of you.
My thoughts and best wishes are with you and your child.
~Brigid
WTF are you talking about?! Very few parents want their children 100% DURING the pregnancy! As to that second sentence you should apologize to everyone who had to read that for making them just a little bit dumber for having read it!
Oh what bull$**# ! Very few parents want their children during pregnancy!? Well, I dont know what neighbourhood you're living in but the overwhelming majority of couples with children I know actively planned and wanted their children. At the very least, the child was conceived in the context of a supportive, loving relationship between two adults in a stable relationship. Yes, obviously condoms break, shit happens. However, there are alternatives available when these accidents do happen, including adoption or abortion, rather than forcing existence on some hapless child whose conception was merely the result of a cruel twist of fate and some faulty latex. As for the "second" sentence. Give yourself a reality check. The number of successful young men (or women for that matter) that would be willing to invest their resources in someone else's DNA is exceedingly small, unless they already had children of their own. I can think of dozens of neglected children who were treated horribly by negligent step-parents. This is just basic biology.
Very few parents want their children during pregnancy!? Well, I dont know what neighbourhood you're living in but the overwhelming majority of couples with children I know actively planned and wanted their children.
Although I love my son with all my heart, Old Timers on the board will remember what a MISERABLE pregnancy I had. At the time I was pregnant, I did not enjoy the thought or prospect of more misery.
And yes, we did plan him.
The question is not necessarily "what rights do the US courts afford the father over his USA-born child?" but rather, "what rights will you have as a mother, over a child not born in this country?" Will you have the right to remove him from his father's home, against his wishes, if your child is born in the UK, rather than in the USA? Or will his father have the right to keep him, and send you packing back to America, if he wishes? Talk to a citizenship attorney, find out exactly what the implications are for you and your child, depending on where you give birth.
