Would you date someone with a history of INCEST?

by kristyann 90 Replies latest jw friends

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  fifi40

  It concerns me a lot that he doesnt want you to talk with anyone you have ever had sex or even been on a date with - that sounds like someone who is very insecure and very controlling.
  
  My only advice is LISTEN to YOUR feelings. Dont ignore them, you have them for a reason. I am not saying dump him but you have to find a place where you are comfortable and happy and only you can be the judge of that. Sometimes we believe what we want to believe or hear what we want to hear, I am not suggesting you are doing this, but I also cant quite believe that his cousin bribed him into sex and he allowed it to continue for 5 years....it doesnt ring true to me. And if it was true shouldnt he running a million miles from this person regardless of the impact on his family.....what about the impact on him and his relationships.

  Dont want to be a dark cloud but I am going to be..........something doesnt sound right and if it was me I think I'd be taking some big steps backwards.

  Sorry Fifi
• 

  tall penguin

  Is this an issue of who he slept with (in this case, his cousin) or is it about his still keeping contact with this person who he was once intimate with, and the apparent double-standard which he applies to you and your past flames?
  
  tall penguin
• 

  aniron

  Came across this on marriage in the United Kingdom

  Relatives who may not marryThe following people cannot marry, in any circumstances, because of their blood relationship.

  Men cannot marry:- Women cannot marry:-Grandmother Grandfather
  Mother Father
  mother's sister father's brother
  mother's half sister father's half brother
  father's sister mother's brother
  father's half-sister mother's half-brother
  adoptive mother - apdoptive father -
  Sister Brother
  half-sister half-brother
  Daughter Son
  adoptive daughter - adopted son -
  sister's daughter sister's son
  half-sister's daughter half-sister's son
  brother's daughter brother's son
  half-brother's daughter half-brother's son
  Granddaughter Grandson

  People who are step relations or in-laws may marry only in certain circumstances.

  Adopted children and their genetic parents and genetic grandparents may not marry. If they do, the marriage will be automatically void even if they do not know they are related. Adopted children may not marry their adoptive parents but they are allowed to marry the rest of their adoptive family, including their adoptive brother or sister.
• 

  sspo

  Having sex with your cousin is not considered incest but he might have other problems you might not want to deal with.

  http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=facts
• 

  kristyann

  Sinis, you're right, I think he does need counseling. I don't see how someone who went through that can go on without at least looking at the reasons that he got to that point. I should suggest it to him, but I doubt he'd be thrilled with the idea. But then again, do I really want to be with someone who's not at least willing to help himself? Misanthropic, unconfused, fifi... you all are right, I also doubt very much that he was coerced and manipulated into sex with her. I think that he wanted to do it. I know! That's how I feel. If he was really coerced, wouldn't he be avoiding her like the plague? Not chatting with her on the phone and taking pictures of her and going to parties at her house? He tries to make it sound like he's being such a do-gooder by still talking to her... like he's just looking out for his family and trying to spare them any misery or pain. But if he was really wanting to marry me someday, shouldn't he be looking out for me and our relationship and himself? Not just a bunch of his relatives?
• 

  Gregor

  Kristyann, If that is you in your avatar then as an attractive young woman you don't really need to take big chances with Mr. Strange. I agree with others here. I don't think he is being straight with you. He's just trying to soften you up for the real story, which might be an accusation of rape in his past or something else of an unsavory nature. The cousin part is really no big deal in many cultures. Hell, in Arkansas the only place young people can get dates is at family reunions.
• 

  grissom6471

  As long as the person is not an apostate as that is the unforgivable sin.
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  kristyann

  Tall penguin, it's both. The fact that it's his cousin makes it so, so much worse. But the double standard also drives me nuts. Why is it that I cannot even so much as say hello if I pay an ex-boyfriend on the street, but he can chat it up or hang out with someone he was intimate with? And the fact that it's his cousin... that much sicker and harder to deal with!
• 

  stillajwexelder

  NO
• 

  kristyann

  Gregor, yeah, that's me in my avatar, thanks. :-) Most days I think I'm attractive, but sometimes I feel insecure and perhaps that causes me to lower my standards. I know, he sorta is "Mr. Strange." I didn't see it before, but now that this has come out. I feel like it's my fault, like I should have known something was up with him, but really, this was a shock to me that came out of nowhere. Do you really think that he may have raped or molested someone in his past? The thought did cross my mind since he told me that... he kept saying "I have huge dark secrets" and "I have committed the worst sin possible." Could he really just mean incest by that, or is he trying to, like you said, soften me up and see how I react before he tells me the really big one?