Would you date someone with a history of INCEST? (page 3)

The wanderer

Dear KristyAnn:

This depends on certain factors. Is this a
first cousin? Because if it is a third or
fourth cousin there is a big difference.

I nearly fell into a incestous relationship
with a second cousin. However, because of
the "training" I received as a witness I
let it go.

You would have to find out more information
and see whether or not there are still ties
to this relationship and whether or not
he would be willing to accept counseling.

You have a tough decision ahead of you.

Respectfully,

The Wanderer

JeffT

I just read this. Like Lady Lee, I'm going to step away for a bit and consider my response, I have something to say but I need to check how I say it.

sinis

Gregor, yeah, that's me in my avatar, thanks. :-) Most days I think I'm attractive, but sometimes I feel insecure and perhaps that causes me to lower my standards. I know, he sorta is "Mr. Strange." I didn't see it before, but now that this has come out. I feel like it's my fault, like I should have known something was up with him, but really, this was a shock to me that came out of nowhere. Do you really think that he may have raped or molested someone in his past? The thought did cross my mind since he told me that... he kept saying "I have huge dark secrets" and "I have committed the worst sin possible." Could he really just mean incest by that, or is he trying to, like you said, soften me up and see how I react before he tells me the really big one?

You have already answered your own question. You can either go with your gut feeling or get sucked into the vortex of insecurity that plagues many young women, and ends in a lifetime of misery...

becca1

Sex with a cousin is not incest, either by law or the Bible's standards. It is illegal in most states to marry a cousin because of the possibility (remote) of birth defects. Because of this it does carry a social stigma.

Now, if your boyfriend was turned on by the fact that she was his cousin, that might be a red flag.

Also, you mentioned his present relashionship with her. You should handle this like you would any other relashionship with an ex. You need to find out if it's really over or if there is still an attraction that could come between the two of you.

becca1

OK, I did not read your entire post before I responded. If he gives you a creepy feeling and has hinted there may be more "dark secrets", be careful, listen to your gut.

JWdaughter

You are attractive and that has nothing to do with it. NO one deserves to be in a manipulative relationship. He may have 'confided' this to you to see how far he can push your boundaries-how much will you put up with. He may have or may not have ever had a relationship with the woman. He may want to have other kinds of relationships in the future and is testing your waters-so to speak. I think that whatever else he is, he is manipulating you. I would cut my losses. As you get older, you will have enough baggage in your life-you don't need this one in your relationship from the get go.

I have a lot of crazy relatives, and I am starting to learn to go with my gut. My gut says "don't be trusting and naive". I don't think it will serve you right. It isn't for you to 'forgive' him, but it would be for you to have to live with this relationship for the rest of your life (there will always be relatives dying off-trust me, 15 years married, and I am out of fingers and toes to count them!).

I don't remember you, but Welcome back to the board. I hope you will forgive my bluntness. Ultimately, of course, it is your decision, and there are lots of good opinions here, many in opposition to mine! Go with *your* gut.

kristyann

Thewanderer, yeah, it's definitely his first cousin. JeffT, okay, I look forward to your response. Becca, he claims that this IS the dark secret, but I wonder if he was just, as some have said, "testing the waters" to see how I would respond to this, and then maybe there will be something more (and worse) in the future? JWdaughter, I know what you mean about the baggage... he's 10 years older and has lots more than me, plus this whole not-normal cousin thing... and I don't want it to become MY baggage! I'm young and want to have a good time and be worry-free while I can...

heathen

I don't see how it would matter who he had sex with . I think rape would be a different story but just because somebody screws a relative doesn't mean they are that bad . What's worse is if they are into beastiality , I'd even be concerned if somebody said they were bi sexual but being hetero sexual, a woman that is bi ,is not that bad. Gay guys always get more of a bashing over who they sleep with anyway. If it really bothers you that much then don't date this guy , it's your life . That is strange that a guy would just up and admit that kind of thing tho. Maybe he just wanted you to know the truth from himself rather than from gossip.

YoursChelbie

His "excuse" for doing what he did could very well be said of him having an extramarital affair.

If this guy was worth the pants he wears, he would have sued this cousin for libel and defamation for threatening him with unfounded accusations, instead of giving in.

You can do much better. It's time to move on.

YC

MeneMene

"He says it was about 5 years ago or something, and it took place over a period of several years."

Did she blackmail him and threaten "rape" every time over the years or just the first time and then he kept going back for more? What is the age difference between him and his cousin?

You say she has kids. How old are those kids? Could any of them be his kids?

Sorry, but this is just too much for me. I would run for the hills. I have made some very bad choices in my life so I am probably more suspicious and less trusting than most.

Also, you definitely do not want to get mixed up with someone that is controlling who your friends are and who you are allowed to speak to. That is what the JWs do. Is he a JW? Is his cousin a JW?

Would you date someone with a history of INCEST?

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