bisous, you're right, I am extremely disappointed. I guess maybe I was on here looking for someone to tell me it's all going to be okay, and that if I just ask him to not speak with her and follow his own rules or something, it'll be fine. But clearly that's not the general consensus. I do have my own insecurity issues, but whoever said he's making them worse is right. I think I need some counseling of my own, too... not that I'm a crazy or anything, but you know, I can be insecure. onlycurious, you're right... even if he WAS coerced into it, it doesn't say much about his character that he allowed himself to be coerced and kept going back for more and putting himself in the same situation for years on end when there was no real threat. Sorry I am not separating these responses into paragraphs but it's not working for me to do that tonight, don't know why.
Would you date someone with a history of INCEST?
by kristyann 90 Replies latest jw friends
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calico
Forget this guy! Sounds like a big liar to me. Also, in the future be careful how you use the word "incest". As several posters have stated, it does not apply in this situation.
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kristyann
Yeah, Calico, he's sounding that way to me, too, now. I guess I needed (or wanted) some other people to point it out to me, though. By the way, I didn't know that "incest" doesn't exactly apply to this situation. I'm not still totally clear on the formal definition, because different resources I have used to look it up have had varying definitions. But the reason I used the word "incest" mainly is because that's the term that he used to describe it. So hopefully I haven't offended anyone.
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Jeffro
Lumptard:
IMO, men are never coerced into sex...if a guy doesn't want to get it on, then he won't...
Not quite as bombastic an opinion as 'she said no but she really meant yes', but it's right up there.
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Jeffro
Some have said on this thread that intercourse with a cousin is not actually incest. Actually it depends on the law in the area in which it occurs. Incest refers to sexual intercoure between people who are too closely related to legally marry, so in jurisdictions where cousins may legally marry, sexual intercourse between them is not incest.
In regard to the specific situation here, it sounds as though you have already decided that you are not happy with it, so it doesn't really matter how anyone else feels about it. You need to discuss your feelings with your boyfriend.
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sass_my_frass
Hi, missed you! You're such a sweetheart. Too good for this berko. Run, run, run like hell.
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zensim
My husband is sitting here with a mate drinking beer. This guy is an old friend who left the jw's 10 years ago, but whom we have only just started being friends again with since we've left. Annnnyyyyway ... I tuned into a conversation they are having about someone they know who lost his virginity to his aunt (I love it when guys talk beer). Our friends' take on it is "No relatives, no animals, no kids". Now, I love this guy, but he is not the smartest person on the planet - but still I love him because he has a great heart and manages to always keep things fundamentally simple. I thought of this post - there are just some things that shouldn't be clouded by emotion - and this is one of them.
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Gill
That's NOT incest!
Queen Victoria married her cousin Albert. They had nine children.
Tell him to see a counsellor about this as he might need some help getting to grips with something that has become a bigger problem in his mind than in reality.
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Abaddon
With respect to those to whom this issue is a sensitive one, in most (Western) places cousin relationships, whilst unusual nowadays, were once commoner and are not illegal or regarded as incestuous.
So, from my perspective, the closeness of the kinship with his cousin is not an issue.
I would have issues with anyone who was immature or insecure enough to have issues about me having had or keeping in contact with partners from past relationships. The fact he applies a double standard is a clear warning sign.
I would be rather suspicious of the story he gives (as you tell it). It just doesn't sound right.
Everything about what you say and how you say it makes me feel you feel this way to, but need to get your head together so you can end it.
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cognizant dissident
As many people pointed out, sexual relations and even marriage between cousins is legal and acceptable in many countries and in many cultures even in this day and age. While from a purely biological standpoint it may not be the best idea, there are many incidents where first cousins have married and had children who were just fine. In our northamerican culture, the practice of mating with first cousins is often illegal and where it is legal (in some states?) then it is still generally frowned upon by society as a whole.
What concerns me in regards to whether your relationship with this person is viable is the overwhelming guilt he feels for the situation and the aversion, repulsion, digust you feel towards it. These are very culturally conditioned responses. I don't see much hope for the relationship working unless you both are able to get past this issue and put it into some kind of perspective. Perhaps, it you really love each other and think saving the relationship is worth it, you might try some professional counseling to help you both explore your strong feelings (aversion) on the subject and get some ideas on how you can work through them.
Cog