If your mate cheated on you, could you forgive? (page 8)

Twitch

twitch - this made me wonder - well is it loving to expect someone only to ever have sex with you. Isn't it more loving to allow a measure of freedom. We only get one life and I know if I had to spend it having sex with the same person since I was 16 I'd have died of boredom by now. However I dont see why my desire for multiple partners shoudl exclude me from a loving relationship either.
That said I dont know if I am generous enough to adopt this position personally.

I don't see why your desire to have multiple partners should limit you at all. I'm sure there are guys out there who share your sentiments and would love to have the same freedoms in a relationship.

I ain't one of 'em though. Doesn't make me any less "loving" IMO.

onacruse

Derek:

Would anyone consider alcohol a mitigating factor? Or does that just make it worse?

No, I would not consider it so.

When I was married to my first wife (RIP), there was an "opportunity" presented to me, by an occupant (Debbie) in another apartment. Debbie was drunk as a skunk (I was there, at 2 a.m., called by her husband, to try to rectify the situation; I arrived, and he left, in a rage), and she began moving her hands down toward my crotch, with obvious intentions. I rejected her advances, and her husband came back shortly afterward, and we hauled her to bed.

Oddly enough, my first wife thought that I was having an affair with this fellow's wife. When we parted, she (Debbie), gave me a big hug and thanked me for being "her big brother."

This may be simplistic (I suspect, as with all generalizations, that it is), but alcohol does not make a person do what they would otherwise not do; it simply lowers the barriers to enable them to do what they think they can get away with.

Crumpet

When a partner in a committed relationship cheats it indicates a fundamental flaw in the relationship. And not likely to be repairable. Lots of couple stay together anyway because their relationship is based on many things other than love and trust. (Such as: children, finances, fear, etc.)

I disagree!!!!!! I have never shared children, a bank account or a fear with a boyfriend. I did love them both. I did share juices with other people while with them. I didnt love them any less.

Why oh why does sharing what is just a basic biological function like eating and defacting mean that my relationship is therefore not loving. Having an affair - making love is different to a bit of hows yer father surely!!! I think way to high a value is put on sex. If sex is the only thing that can make or break a relationship so entirely then I think its a bit lame too!

Twitch

I have never shared children, a bank account or a fear with a boyfriend. I did love them both. I did share juices with other people while with them. I didnt love them any less. Why oh why does sharing what is just a basic biological function like eating and defacting mean that my relationship is therefore not loving. Having an affair - making love is different to a bit of hows yer father surely!!!

How did you feel when they "cheated" on you?

I might assume you were ok with it as long as they still loved you. Just a guess. And I'm not implying that your rel'n'shps were any less loving or genuine than any of mine. Different strokes for different folks (pun intended :-)

Perhaps a more defined definition of cheating might be in order. Are talking about one of those seven year itches? Is it he/she is never home and i happened to get a little drunk with a close friend? One of those "what happens on the road, stays on the road" kinda things? Or are we talking of the generalized lying, cheating types you sometimes have the misfortune of trusting? Just wondering,....

onacruse

Crumpet, if I may be so bold as to say, you seem to have difficulty in distinguishing between animalistic impulses and human love.

Or, perhaps you're asserting that both are the same?

Crumpet

Crumpet, if I may be so bold as to say, you seem to have difficulty in distinguishing between animalistic impulses and human love.
Or, perhaps you're asserting that both are the same?

didnt my last post deliberately differentiate between the making of love in a relationship and the quick shag with a stranger on account of too much alcohol? I am not saying I would forgive or expect to be forgiven for premeditated or serial cheating. I am saying I would consider forgiving an error in judgement where the parties shared nothing but sex. If emotion was involved then yes the relationship is in trouble and forgiveness may not even have a point.

Paralipomenon

Most affairs are from mismatched sex drives or lack of communication.

If people were just honest about what they liked they might not seek it elsewhere.

In the case of mismatched sex drives, which is more fair, the partner who has a lower drive to have sex more often or the partner with the higher drive to to abstain?

Middle road? Compromise?

I think people equate sex with love far too much.

Twitch

Middle road? Compromise?

I think people equate sex with love far too much.

Compromise is always good; makes or breaks any relationship.

Sex isn't love and love isn't just sex, so i agree to the point to some degree. Most people love sex, no? It's kinda fun, methinks :-) And there ain't nothing better than boinking someone you love, eh?

As for sex without love, that's alright too, as long as both parties are on the same playing field. If you don't want a relationship but just wanna "visit", just be upfront.

Crumpet

I think people equate sex with love far too much.

Exactly. I mean has everyone here only had sex with people they loved? Did you never have sex with someone you had little or no feelings for at all. If I loved every person I had had sex with then my heart would be in tiny pieces by now!

onacruse

I mean has everyone here only had sex with people they loved?

For me, yes.

Did you never have sex with someone you had little or no feelings for at all.

No.

I guess you and I are just on a totally different wavelength.

If your mate cheated on you, could you forgive?

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